[china_mm019]

Hi, I have a friend that just broke up with her boyfriend a three weeks ago and she is usually sad and doesn't want to do anything besides being in her house and by herself, she was with her boyfrined for a year and one month. The only thing is that her ex boyfriend send my friend a valentine's day greeting card and I don't know what is going on, she is also confused she waits for more e-mails from him but he hasn't written to her. For weeks, she checks every time her e-mail and sometimes I think that she is like obssesed with him. The first week of her break up she hardly ever slept and ate, I have seen that she doesn't care about school that much any more. Sometimes when she crys and gets really angry and doesn't understand why was the reason that he broke up with her, she comes over to my house and makes me go with her to the mall. When we are in the mall she starts flirting with guys and then says that she doesn't need him and that she will show someday what he lost. I kind of get happy when she flirts and talks to other guys but then when all that happens she starts saying what have I done, why was I flirting with those guys and I still love my ex. And then she goes back to her depression. There are times when she feels like going to parties and having fun and there are other days when she just wants to stay home alone. Her parents are worried of her and they often ask her what's wrong with her and she doesn't want to tell them that she broke up with her boyfriend because she's not allowed, so now what am I suppose to do? What should I do? Please help I don't to see my friend like that. Thank you, china.

[Lansing]

Is this her first serious relationship? A first relationship can be really hard to get over (Especially if there was a lot of "physical" stuff going on). I think you should try to encourage to do stuff but, at the same time, don't pressure her.

Do you mean that her parents don't know she dated this guy (is that what you meant by not allowed? She wasn't allowed to date him?)

It is hard seeing a friend go through something like this but she needs her friends around her. I read an article in National Geographic this month that talks about how the chemicals related to relationships are also the same chemicals involved in obsessive compulsive disorders... so... It might feel like she is going crazy, and she is trying to figure out everything.. Just be there to support her...

[Chery]

Dear China, as Lansing said - right now she needs all her friends to support her, but if it's too much stress for you especially having to keep a secret from her parents - no matter for what reason, you should tell her that she's also creating this stress and you want what's best for both of you.

You stated in a previous post that you were 18 - so can I assume that your friend is approximately that age too? If you live in the US, then the parents cannot 'forbid' kids your age from dating. She might be of a different culture and the parents might be real strict, but nevertheless, if she is a US citizen, then she should stand up for herself and tell her parents that she is just a normal young lady going through a breakup and that this too will pass. If they love her, they too will give her the emotional support she needs.


Check and print out Post number 1 on this thread, it will help in explaining to parents in case they get difficult - it will remind them that they were young once and in love also:
https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showth...t=13585&page=2


Then, just to prove to your friend that she's not the only one going through this and that she should not make any hasty choices in new men, or the wrong choices - check the following sites recommended by a fellow forum member. We all go though this, and you can help her by letting her know this, so that she can start the healing process.

Go to www.askmen.com and read every dating article... every article - including Doc Love.
www.sosuave.com - read everything!!
www.lovetactics.com - read all the free articles.
www.relationships.blog-city.com - read about how women really are.


Good luck, and keep us posted.