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granz0210 · May 9, 2008, 02:57 PM

Is there ever a right time to ask for a divorce? What I mean is, is it better to mot ask around a holiday like say mothers day or should it not matter? And is there a "good way to say to someone that you no longer want to be married?

twinkiedooter · May 9, 2008, 04:11 PM

Basically there is no good time to bring up that subject but if you must do it, don't use some nice holiday like Mother's Day or Xmas or the person's birthday to do it. It can have traumatic results for years to come if you do this. The way to bring up the subject can really be tricky but you need to be very gentle with this subject and kind of ease into it. Don't just blurt out you want a divorce as you're not a good person type thing. On the other hand, don't just keep pretending nothing is wrong and then one day wham out of nowhere tell that person you're getting a divorce. It's going to be tough to do especially if the other person is still in love with you. Don't envy you this one.

JAMIET · May 9, 2008, 04:41 PM

I agree with twinkiedooter as well... also , if there are young kids involved, find someone to watch them while you deliver the news. Please don't go to a restaurant either to break the news.. I saw someone do that (thinking the other would behave in public) and it was quite ugly for everyone around. If you think the person your telling has a temper, you might want to have a family member or trusted friend stay close by so if you need to call someone, other than the police, they'll be close to help.

You didn't mention if the other person has a clue this is coming? Do they know or suspect anything?

Good luck!

JoeCanada76 · May 9, 2008, 05:51 PM

I believe there should be a good reason. It sounds like your very disconnected if your talking about yourself. Which we do not know if you are or not. There is a process that needs to happen before even thinking about divorce. Open communication, individual counseling, couple counseling.

ivelisse463 · May 9, 2008, 10:37 PM

There is never a good time. But I rather lead up to it like asking if that person believes the marriage is OK. Then tell your spouse how you have been feeling.

granz0210 · May 11, 2008, 01:42 PM

Originally Posted by granz0210

Is there ever a right time to ask for a divorce? What I mean is, is it better to mot ask around a holiday like say mothers day or should it not matter? And is there a "good way to say to someone that you no longer want to be married?

To elaborate more Yes I think she does know that things are not good and there is a child involved and she is the best little 4 year old in the world which makes it a lot harder. However, she tells me all the time that she wants out then takes it back later after she cools down over any of the million things that piss her off. Sorry I am getting cynical. Thank you for the help though. I guess what I want to know is how do I say it, she says it all the time and I say OK but then she says she did not mean it and acts like she never said it. This has been a theme over the past 7 years and especially the first 2 years then things died down and she didn't really say it after our daughter was born but now it is back. I have been disconected from her for years and find no joy in being with her or around her and have no desire to be intimate with her even though it does happen out of obligation but very rarely. A few weeks ago she said she was late and the only thought I had was oh damn I am stuck. Then when she got her "friend" the first thing that I thought of was thank god! I don't want to be mean and say these things to her but what do I say and how should I say it?