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StarShine11907 · May 6, 2008, 04:13 PM

I need advice, help, or just someone to talk to. :(

Ever since I was 14(I'm 18 now) I started cutting and haven't "cut" for a couple months now. So many things have been getting to me and I'm getting the urge to cut again. I don't want to cause I don't want those around me to be scared. I'm dealing with so many things at once and I feel like I'm going to lose control all over again. I was diagnosed with PTSD, Bipolar 2, Mi' ana, as well as having anxiety/panic attacks wich I have been in the hosp. for. I really need advice or guidance as to other options beside cutting. I don't want to go back down that path and feel like I'm soon about to take that escape once again.

Thanks

cleanfun · May 6, 2008, 04:47 PM

A lot of males have impulsive violent thoughts. It's just in our nature.

Anyway, I remember hearing an story that seemed to make sense to me. It went something like this;

(In fact I just found it on the internet for you.)

One evening an old Cherokee told his grandson about a battle that goes on inside people. He said, "My son, the battle is between two wolves inside us all. One is Evil. It is anger, envy, jealousy, sorrow, regret, greed, arrogance, self-pity, guilt, resentment, inferiority, lies, false pride, superiority, and ego. The other is Good. It is joy, peace, love, hope, serenity, humility, kindness, benevolence, empathy, generosity, truth, compassion and faith."

The grandson thought about it for a minute and then asked, "Which wolf wins?" The old Cherokee simply replied, "The one you feed."

Fr_Chuck · May 6, 2008, 04:56 PM

I believe we all have some method or something we use to help get rid of stress, for me it was and still is to some extent martial arts, By finding a focus in your life both in body and mind

Others ( including myself also) finds it in religion ( but did not want to post this first, not wanting to preach at you) I have my preference but you can find peace in the teachings of Budda, or any religions since most teach a peace of mind.

A friend of mine has a punching bag, and makes various photos off interent and puts it on the bag and bascily beats it to death many days.

Another friend runs, another one eats ( OK, not a healthy habit but still better than cuttting)

StarShine11907 · May 6, 2008, 06:59 PM

Well ever since I first stop cutting I used dance to distract myself from that. Dance isn't doing that anymore though, It's just adding on to the things that make me lose it. I just want to be "normal".. Well what is normal? But I think you get what I mean.

I've tried other things, my previous therapist suggested that I use the rubber band trick. It worked for a while until I started using the rubber band in a harming way. Instead of simply snapping it lightly I would do it until I had welts.

... I feel so... Idk, lost?.

Fr_Chuck · May 6, 2008, 07:31 PM

Well first I don't think there is any one "normal" the main thing is you know that physcial harm is not an answer. Many people abuse many things to try and escape reality, drugs, drinking, sex, anger, phobias and more. So in a cross cut section, I don't know we can say this is normal and this is not, The main things is to find what works for you, and that may have to change often as one method gets you bored and you need to move to another method.

Music works well for many, And I think for many getting addicted to sites like this, helping others, when you are busy helping someone else, you lose yourself to your own issues.

StarShine11907 · May 7, 2008, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

well first I don't think there is any one "normal" the main thing is you know that physcial harm is not an answer. Many people abuse many things to try and escape reality, drugs, drinking, sex, anger, phobias and more. So in a cross cut section, I don't know we can say this is normal and this is not, The main things is to find what works for you, and that may have to change often as one method gets you bored and you need to move to another method.

Music works well for many, And I think for many getting addicted to sites like this, helping others, when you are busy helping someone else, you lose yourself to your own issues.

I went through a period of where I was doing drugs. Weed, Coke, EX, Xanax.. etc... but its been an official year since last week that I had stopped doing everything. Music sounds good to help, I listen to a lot of different types of music and sometimes it helps. My fiancé is just making everything worse though. He keeps accusing me of cheating because the way I act has "changed" and I tried to explain to him what Bipolar II is and he insist that I made it up to get "attention" from him. And now he is constantly yelling at me and coming up with these crazy new things that "prove me to be cheating". For example, Ive been sleeping a lot more and just don't even bother to get out of bed or get dressed to go out, or because I didn't text him at 12 as usual because I fell asleep and he spent an hour yelling at me for freaking sleeping.

Ever since I went off Lamictal and Seroquel for this everything has gone down hill. :(

templelane · May 7, 2008, 12:03 PM

I'll have to say I don't think the urge to self harm ever truly goes away- it does get easier though. I think one of the main things- alone with finding better coping strategies- is to avoid triggers.

If your boyfriend is giving you such a hard time perhaps you need to consider if you are still both right for each other.

I never liked the elastic band thing either, cold turkey works best for me. And thinking about it in a controlled way, I will think about it for x amount of time then I'll do something else and not act upon it.

And well done for so far! Don't forget to appreciate how far you have come. And don't beat yourself up mentally if you slip up- try to move on quickly.

You should talk to your doctor about whether you need your medicine for your bi polar condition, or if those two weren't working/ the side effects were too much, if there is anything else. I know the drug's side effects can be really bad, but like any diseases sometimes you just have to put up with them. You need to decide what is worse with your doctor.

Stay strong :)

Handyman2007 · May 8, 2008, 06:50 PM

Are you going for regular therapy? If not... start IMMEDIATELY. I had a step daughter that was a "cutter" at 14 and we enrolled her ina private school that dealt with teenage issues. See someone-PLEASE! The first stpe is that you recognize the problem. NOw you need to act on that... please get some help. Go to a local hosptial a try to talk to someone to see how you can get help, OK. I will say a prayer for you and wish you well... you are loved and cared about.

StarShine11907 · May 10, 2008, 05:17 AM

No I'm not in therapy, Not yet. But soon I NEED to get it... My fiancé broke up with me yesterday on our Anniversary. IDK how to handle it, I took trazodone so I could sleep all day but now Im out and scared.

j_troubadour · May 15, 2008, 11:55 PM

The thing to remember is cutting may be a temporary way to make yourself feel better but whatever it is you're dealing with is still there when you're done. Besides it's very harmful. Try finding out where this issue is coming from. Is it because of your fiancé? Is there more? I agree that professional help should be considered but I also suggest getting involved in a good Church. I'm a youth pastor and I have girls who were cutting and using dry ice but since they have started coming to church regularly and they have given their problems to God they have stopped. I won't lie there are days they talk to me and say they are tempted to go back but the Church is their support system and we're there for them. You need that kind of support. Be strong. You're worth it.
-j

nevadagirl77 · Jun 2, 2008, 10:54 AM

Originally Posted by StarShine11907

No im not in therapy, Not yet. But soon i NEED to get it... My fiance broke up with me yesterday on our Anniversary. IDK how to handle it, I took trazodone so I could sleep all day but now Im out and scared.

I hope your doing OK, starshine. I'm a cutter too, when I'm very hurt or very angry or when I need to feel something because I feel dead. I've been cutting for 15 years (well went to hitting myself, people don't notice bruises as much as cuts) off and on. You're not alone.

StarShine11907 · Jun 3, 2008, 05:56 AM

Originally Posted by nevadagirl77

I hope your doing ok, starshine. I'm a cutter too, when I'm very hurt or very angry or when I need to feel something because i feel dead. I've been cutting for 15 years (well went to hitting myself, people don't notice bruises as much as cuts) off and on. You're not alone.

I've done the hitting thing to, banging my head, punching myself... anything. But besides that things are better. I cut again a few days ago but not as bad as usual. My fiancé and I are back together and I think sometimes my relationship is a reason why I cut. Idk. I can't find any therapy at all, my husky medicare won't cover it so I'm basically screwed I guess.

reikiwmn · Jun 4, 2008, 08:31 PM

[QUOTE=cleanfun]A lot of males have impulsive violent thoughts. It's just in our nature.

Cutting is not about males having violent thoughts. I'ts about anyone having them, it is about how to cope with pain and how to control it. The trick is to find what is causing you the pain you are having and finding a better way of dealing with the pain besides cutting on yourself.