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fiona84 · May 6, 2008, 10:06 AM

Entire story merged

So my boyfriend of 9mths broke up with me 1 mth ago. He said its because I pushed him too far and didn't give him the "guy time" he kept asking for. Ill admit I did get mad when he wanted to go out with the boys but he kind of broke my trust by texting his ex. He said she meant nothing to him so I let it go. Throughout our whole relationship he told me I was one and that he wanted me to be the mother of his kids, we were even going to move in together in July. Now he said he's second guessing everything. I did all the bad stuff like crying and begging but I let it go and he kept texting me he missed me and stuff.

We went out for my birthday in April he talked about getting back but he said he wants to take it slow. I agreed but everything became completelty on his terms. Since the breakup we've only gone like 2 days without talking him being the one to always text me. I went to jersey for 2 days and didn't respond to any of his texts. When I got back he screamed at me saying he thought I was dead and that I was playing games with him. He said he thought we were getting back and that his feelings were starting to come back for me but after the whole jersey thing he said he lost them again. He said it seems like I don't even care about the breakup because I've been doing all these things with my friends and stuff. Ive been doing that to show him that I have my own life and won't smother him anymore I even told him that. He said he loves me but its too stressful to talk to me so he thinks we shouldn't talk anymore. I agreed and left.

The next night he called me 18 times at like 2 am I knew he was drunk and I did nt answer .The next day he apologized for calling. Sunday he text me again and asked how my weekend was I told him it was fine and he said he's glad I answered. He said he would call me after softball but it wasent till like 12 n I was asleep. The next day I didn't text him he text me again and I missed it. So today he texts me if you don't want to talk I understand but ignoring me is rude told him I was just busy and sorry he's like whatever ill talk to you some time. Why is he doing this? Hes the one who said its best that we don't talk but now he's mad that I won't answer his texts and stuff. Once I show him any kind of interest he pulls away. I just don't get it. Do you think he wants to get back with me or is he just playing mind games. I try no contact but he can't even go 2 days without talking to me. He even said he knows he going to regret his choice. Sorry for the long post I'm just so confused. I know I need to let go but I don't want to if there's any chance of getting back with him

JBeaucaire · May 6, 2008, 11:00 AM

You're EX has a false idea of what communication is. He sends texts because pressing SEND feels like he's communicated with you. And you allow it. He puts you on the defensive the next time you interact over TEXT MESSAGES, and you allow it.

There is nothing to argue about here. Texts are not meaningful methods of communication. Further, his immaturity allows him to get "pre-angry" with you using them as a basis. If you're seriously going to date this guy (you called him an EX, so what is it here?), then I would eliminate all texting.

Tell him the only method of communication acceptable is verbal. Texts, voice mails, emails, all of that are to be considered non-starters. You will never again engage in a discussion about or defend yourself concerning any of them.

Call, if I'm available, I will answer. When I call you, if you are available, then answer. If we don't answer, leaving voice messages does not entitle us to any specific behavior back at all. We can assume the messages may never be heard or received. That's safe and will eliminate the need to fight about it later.

And it's fair. You are NOT at his beck and call 24 hours a day. He should stop acting like you are.

Now you can only argue about the things you actually SAY to one another's faces. And based on what you've written so far, I fear you will still be arguing quite a bit over just that stuff. At least this eliminates the dumb anger over texts.

He's an "ex"... I would encourage you to honestly think about WHY he is an "ex" and perhaps decide that the best thing he could be... think about it.

Good luck.

fiona84 · May 7, 2008, 12:50 PM

What are some signs your ex boyfriend broke up with you wants you back?

He broke up with me 1 month ago but calls every other day. Hes always the one to bring up the relationship but says he wants to take things slow. Now he's telling me he wants to take me shopping. Why? The reason he broke up with me is because I never gave him "guy time"

greeneyedbaby · May 7, 2008, 01:06 PM

Sounds to me like he wants you back. In my experience guys tends to do the call and lets chat, lets hang out, and if you do hang out with him he might even act like you guys never broke up. So now you have to decide if you want him back or not

volta-rewind · May 7, 2008, 01:09 PM

I agree with the other person,
Sounds to me like he wants you back.

:)

spion_kop · May 7, 2008, 01:41 PM

Hey may want you back or he may just be in that phase where he misses the love and attention. You have to be strong and think carefully. Don't make it easy for him to get you back, analyze and make him earn you back.

jiltedgirl · May 7, 2008, 02:46 PM

It sounds like he wants you back. However, like spion_kop said, he may just miss you/want attention. When it comes down to it, he may not want to get back. Be careful and figure out what he wants before you consider anything.

I only say this because he sort of sounds like me in my last relationship. :T

Lovelee · May 7, 2008, 07:20 PM

I agree with the others, he sounds like he wants you back. Some men are too macho to come right out and tell you they want you back so they'll call and ask to see you.
I remember a few years ago I lent my then boyfriend a book that I couldn't get back from him no matter what. As soon as we broke up all of a sudden he kept calling me to collect it. When I finally went to his house to collect it we started talking long and hard and decided to get back together... I never got the book back.

When an ex wants you back they often look for any reason to contact you.

fiona84 · May 7, 2008, 07:57 PM

My boyfriend of 9mths broke up with me like a month and a half ago. Hes been texting or calling every other day. I stopped calling and everything he's always the one to do it. At first he wanted to take things slow he broke up with me because I didn't give him his guy time. Then he got mad at me for not answering for 2 days- I forgot my phone I was away. So he said that he didn't think we should talk anymore because I Stress him out. He said he's never felt like this about anyone and he doesn't know why this break up is so hard for him. So I agreed but ever since then he's been calling or texting everyday. We talked on the phone like nothing happened laughed and stuff. I told him maybe on sat. we should get food and hangout and he's like maybe so I played it off cool by saying whatever its fine and he's like no we will blah blah. Then he's like maybe Sunday we'll go to the mall and I'll take you shopping. So I told him we'd def. talk sometime this week. I don't get it do you think he wants me back. I never bring up our relationship he's always the one to do it. I just don't get it he's so confusing

N0help4u · May 7, 2008, 08:49 PM

I think he wants you to give him guy time and he felt that saying breaking up would get the point across. Sounds like he either wants to be with you or he is having a hard time in doing a clean cut break off with you.
If you want to be with him discuss compromising and giving him guy time. If you don't then either see him as a friend or just tell him it is better if you don't see each other again.

talaniman · May 7, 2008, 08:57 PM

What exactly is guy time and why won't you give it to him? How old are you both?

spion_kop · May 8, 2008, 07:04 AM

From what your saying I think he is caught in two minds. Like I mentioned above, he doesn't want to be alone because you two have been together for 9 months. But at the same time he's trying to make himself feel like the victim so that u can dump him. Just be careful and take a step back and think about it for bit. Has he always done something like this in the past where he has tried to manipulate situations?

fiona84 · May 8, 2008, 12:13 PM

Is it normal for a Virgo man who broke up with you to keep contacting you every other day since the break up? If they were completely done who they just cut you off for good? Help please

MysteriousGrl · May 8, 2008, 12:21 PM

I don't think it matters that he is a Virgo... It sounds to me like he wants space and to be able to do his own thing, but he is making sure that you are not doing anything.. Try not answering, it'll drive him batty.

bigbird213 · May 8, 2008, 12:25 PM

As is that case with many breakups, he is probably a little nervous about being on his own. Many of us have been through that and your best bet is to stop contact with him.

One possibility is that he is using you to ease his guilt/keep you on the back burner while he is looking for someone else and trying to feel better. More often than not, the continued communication leaves the dumpee hanging on and looking for signs of hope when he/she should be moving on.

wezziebabii28 · May 8, 2008, 03:17 PM

Originally Posted by fiona84

Is it normal for a Virgo man who broke up with you to keep contacting you every other day since the break up? If they were completely done who they just cut you off for good? Help please

I was with a virgo man for 3 yrs and a half he thinks I cheated on him so we broke and now he talk to me barely ever and acts like I don't exist my advice to you I just think he's really hurt

JBeaucaire · May 8, 2008, 04:58 PM

This is perfectly normal for guys with hair.

Also for guys who wear jeans.

It's extremely common in men without cousins living in the same city.

It is rare for men who ever appeared on a game show.

And for men who actually even KNOW their astrological sign, I'd say it doesn't matter, you should be running for the door anyway.

talaniman · May 10, 2008, 03:12 PM

Doesn't matter what his sign is, he wants you as a friend, and standby in case he can't find some one else.

fiona84 · May 20, 2008, 10:00 AM

Me and my ex boyfriend of 9mths have been broken up for 2 months now he's 25 and I'm 24. He broke up with me because he said he said I never let him do the things he wanted to do like go out with his friends. I always did the reason I would get mad is because he would make plans with me then break them last minute. So ever since we broke up we've talked every other day and hung out a lot. I did all the stupid things like asking if we would ever go back out and stuff and he just told me I kept pressuring him. I went to a family bbq with him last weekend, we had a great time and he kept telling me that he loved me but he got mad at me because I talked to one of his friends which I find so ridiculous. After that we all went out to a bar where he sat and talked to this girl all night right in front of me to get me back for talking to his friend. The next day he apologized and told me he did it to be spiteful. He said that he never loved anyone like he loves me but I get him too stressed out. He said he's afraid to go back out because he thinks the same thing will happen again. Anyway I told him I loved him one last time and left. The next day he called because I left clothes at his house. We ended up fighting about me talking to his friend again. I flipped out on him and told him he was the one who was disrespectful for talking to that girl in front of me. I called him a lot of nasty things which I think he deserved. He said he doesn't care anymore and that we're not going to talk. I agreed and told him to grow up. I picked up my stuff and that was it. I know he loves me I just don't understand how he can go so hot and cold like this. He knows he's hurting me but refusing to think he did anything wrong. He acts like everything is my fault. I just don't get it I know I'm stupid for even wanting him back but I really do love him. Do you think he'll ever try to contact me again? Sorry for the long post but it feels like even though we've been broken up for 2 months we broke up all over again- do you think no contact will work

brian1231 · May 20, 2008, 10:04 AM

I think NC would work for you. It would at least help you to move on. I think you are in the worst possible stage. Can't move on, can't stay back. Move on. Hold your head up high and go.

If he cares for you at all, he will come back. If you really want him back, make him work to get you back. If he doesn't work, he doesn't want you back. This doesn't mean him buying you flowers once or twice. It means him putting in weeks or months wooing you back.