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rawr_itssonya · Oct 15, 2006, 12:15 AM

Entire story merged

My boyfriend and I have been together for 10 months. Everything has been wonderful up until recently. All of the sudden he wants to hang out with his friends ALL the time and we never see/talk to each other anymore. It really kills me because sometimes he's emotionally insensitive and just doesn't care that he really hurts my feelings by not even calling me or not wanting to talk. I really miss him and I hate being away from him like this. We used to be so close and now I feel more far away than ever. I constantly worry about him cheating on me ( he works from 7pm- 1 or 3 am). And he's always out on the weekends and he doesn't tell me what he does. When we had first gotten together, I was hanging out with the wrong crowd and I was always out and partying. He was like a good guy outa my bad lifestyle. At first we were just casual friends and then he started hounding me about being his girlfriend, so I decided "hell, i really like the guy so why not!". He turned out to be the love of my life. There hasn't been a day ever since that I haven't thought about him/called him/messaged him. He really is a good guy, its just the whole space thing is hurting me. I understand, he's a grown man and he needs his space and time for himself its just he's taking ALL of his time and I don't want him to forget I exist. Which is what it feels like lately. Any suggestions? I've tried just leaving him alone or talking to him about it but neither are working. I can't sleep and I barely eat. I know I sound silly but it really is hurting me. Advice?

talaniman · Oct 15, 2006, 12:28 AM

If he wants space give it to him. It sounds as if this relationship is all you and no him, so back way off and go about your own life and get busy without him. Good relationships need balance to work, both have to be on the same page and working together. This is not the case here. He seems to be pulling away so leave him alone and see if he comes to you.

rawr_itssonya · Oct 15, 2006, 12:41 AM

The thing is, I've tried keeping my distance- but it doesn't do anything. It isn't all about me. Its all about us. And I just really miss us being together and I'm concerned for him. Lately he's become incredibly selfish and I understand with the space and all, but its just pure rude sometimes. I just don't appreciate his behavior and I'm tired of waiting for him to come around and being left alone. I would love to have something to keep me busy, but the fact is that I don't. When I said before that iwas hanging out with the wrong crowd, I meant it. I stopped hanging out with them to be with him and I wouldn't ever want to go back to being friends with them. I haven't made any new friends so it's hard to handle this sudden separation. I don't know. I'm making excuses but at the same time this is all true. I'm just confused.

talaniman · Oct 15, 2006, 12:48 AM

Now would be a good time to find out who you are and what your about. What you like and how YOU want to be. Maybe the problem was you depended on some guy to give you a life and make you happy. Big mistake. Whatever it takes get out and make friends and do things you like. You must never depend on someone else to make you happy, that's your job.Do you work, have a hobby?

rawr_itssonya · Oct 15, 2006, 01:08 AM

Ima fulltime student. I'm really into school. Umm my last hobby was my next high sooooo yah. I like french, this is my 3rd year. Ummm I don't know. Most of my life is school/home/bf. And when I'm not at school and not with my boyfriend I'm at home doing nothing all day/night. I've become somewhat of an insomniac and I just don't know. I'm on prescription welbutrin(anti-depressants) and that keeps me awake, but if I don't take them I sleep all the time. As far as friends go, there's nowhere to really meet new people around here unless you already know a group of friends. My only friend right now is this guy named danny who goes to my school. We never hang out because he lives like 45 minutes away from me and we just never talk except on aim or at school. I sort of like him but I don't know. If this goes on with my boyfriend I think I might just develop even more interest in danny. He's like my only friend and I sort of feel bad about liking him because I wouldn't want my boyfriend to have a girl_friend that he liked and being around her when I'm not around. You know? Its just blahh. I don't know what to do and I haven't slept in 2 days.

talaniman · Oct 15, 2006, 05:32 AM

See your doctor and tell him about your sleep problems, I'm almost sure he can help.

K_3 · Oct 15, 2006, 08:12 AM

It sounds like your boyfriend is too busy right now for you. Do some things with Danny and do not worry about what your b/f thinks or feels. He is busy doing his thing and does not seem to worry about you. You do not have to become serious with Danny, just hang out some. I take it you are still in high school, that is a time to have fun with different types of personalities. You should not ever be sitting around waiting for someone to call. This is the fun time of your life, no responsibilities. I remember it was difficult to change groups while in school. I was fortunate, I had friends in a few different groups. Danny may be a good friend and introduce you to a new group of people. Do you go to a church? That is also a place to find new people.

TeamSandG · Oct 15, 2006, 08:50 AM

We agree with all of the answers given and We think that you should walk away from this guy. He does not like you as much as you like him and that is apparent by his actions. Try getting to know who you are and stay young and free! Enjoy life, meet new people and try new things! You will get over him and that is probably when he will want you back, then you can tell him you just need some space!

talaniman · Oct 15, 2006, 09:30 AM

Truthfully. At 16 your in a very different place than a 20 year old man and I just think you should be into school and your own future, not living with some dude who is way older. For a high schooler to act as an adult is a tremendous burden that I really don't think your ready for. You should be enjoying friends and a social life not playing house.

s_cianci · Oct 15, 2006, 01:51 PM

You're going to have to realize that right now he wants his space so the two of you are going to have to go your separate ways for now. Build a life that doesn't include him. I certainly don't advocate "hanging out with the wrong crowd" and it's not his responsibility to keep you from doing that. You need to be willing to let him go and move on. I'm sure it'll be rough at first but you've got to do it nevertheless. Pursue some new interests ; take a class, join a dance club or a bowling league. Hang out with friends (the "right" crowd this time.) You need to be able to enjoy life just as much without him as with him.

J_9 · Oct 15, 2006, 02:01 PM

Originally Posted by rawr_itssonya

the thing is, I've tried keeping my distance- but it doesn't do anything. It isn't all about me. Its all about us. And I just really miss us being together and I'm concerned for him. Lately he's become incredibly selfish and I understand with the space and all, but its just pure rude sometimes. I just don't appreciate his behavior and I'm tired of waiting for him to come around and being left alone. I would love to have something to keep me busy, but the fact is that I don't. When I said before that iwas hanging out with the wrong crowd, I meant it. I stopped hanging out with them to be with him and I wouldn't ever want to go back to being friends with them. I haven't made any new friends so it's hard to handle this sudden separation. I don't know. I'm making excuses but at the same time this is all true. I'm just confused.

Don't you see that it is all about you?

I really miss us being together

I am concerned for him

I just don't appreciate his behavior and I'm tired of waiting for him to come around and being left alone.

He is running away from all that. It is too much "you."

From what I read you are 16 he is 20. You both are in 2 different life stages. He has been there and done all of the things you are doing now.

rawr_itssonya · Oct 15, 2006, 02:10 PM

I was actually really into the idea of doing the foreign exchange program next summer. Id love to go to Paris, but it'd be too damn expensive. I figure I could spend 2 months in Quebec. It'd be awesome

LUNAGODDESS · Oct 15, 2006, 03:10 PM

You sound like you are saying bad association is spoiling any useful habits that he had or may had... before they (meaning his new friends or friends that are jealous of his new relationship with you ) enter into his life...

What is important for you to understand is that you are not silly for missing some you care about... but,. it is time for you to find something else to do... he is young and so are you... his adventures with life is just beginning and so should yours... women are more mature than man... women in some case are really to settle down faster than men... just find something else to do... like volunteer work... going out with your friends... visiting coffee shops... just find something else to do and do not be available for him for a long while... until you see a change in him... like he is mature...

s_cianci · Oct 15, 2006, 03:42 PM

Originally Posted by rawr_itssonya

i was actually really into the idea of doing the foreign exchange program next summer. id love to go to Paris, but it'd be too damn expensive. I figure I could spend 2 months in Quebec. it'd be awesome

Yes ; Quebec is a very nice place. You'd love it.

Wildcat21 · Oct 16, 2006, 11:19 AM

Personally - time for a new boyfriend. Your relationship ran it's course.

"hes emotionally insensitive and just doesn't care that he really hurts my feelings " - and yo uwant to be with this guy? Ha! Why not date a brick wall instead?

Time to move on. Let him see life without you. Stop call. Stop e-mail. Stop texting!

PLUS - your too young for this guy, He knows. I have a stron gfeelin ghe used you and now he's done.

Skell · Oct 16, 2006, 04:16 PM

You need to be single and forget about all men for a while and sort out your own issues that you have brought up in this thread and your other.

Forget the boys. Travel and study!

You'll love it!

rawr_itssonya · Jan 21, 2007, 07:03 AM

Wow. I got myself in a bad situation. OK well, to start, I have a boyfriend that I've been with for 1 year and 1 month and I really do have strong feelings for him. The only thing is, we hardly ever see each other and there's a big age gap between us.(he's 20, I'm 16) and we're at different stages in our lives. Neither of our familys like us being together. And whenever we do see each other, we don't usually have a lot of time to spend with each other. Then, I recently met a guy who's really really sweet and adorable. He's friends with all of my friends(my friends and my boyfriend don't get along either) and he lives close to home and we hangout everyday afterschool. I really like this guy, but I also DO love my boyfriend. Well last night at a party, I got a little wasted and I ended up kissing this new guy. I feel horrible about it but this isn't the first time I've kissed other guys while I've been with my bf(knowing this makes me feel like a slut). My boyfriend knows about the other guys but doesn't know about this one. I plan on telling him today that I have some feelings for this new guy and expaining everything. Its just I really really don't know what to do. Part of me wants to stay with my boyfriend and part of me wants to start over new with someone who has a lot to offer me. What should I do?

-sonya

talaniman · Jan 21, 2007, 07:15 AM

Still having problems with that 20 year old I see. Are you still living with him? Kick him to the curb and enjoy those in your own age and be happy.

rawr_itssonya · Jan 21, 2007, 07:45 AM

Originally Posted by talaniman

Still having problems with that 20 year old I see. Are you still living with him? Kick him to the curb and enjoy those in your own age and be happy.

Yeah I just called him and told him and he broke up with me. He called me a dumb little girl and stuff so I don't even want to get back with him. He's not good enough for me if he's going to treat me like that

momincali · Jan 22, 2007, 01:08 PM

Don't don't a guy that much older than you. He apparently can't handle a girl his own age so he has to get a younger more immature one that he can easily take advantage of. Stick to your age group.

Stop getting wasted, it's not worth it, you'll get a bad reputation, have lots of regrets and hurt your parents when they find out. It's not worth it!