[jane99]

If you are religious, don't forget that one thing that Jesus thought is to forgive. Forgiveness is essential for you to move on with life, with decision you take either to stay married and give it a chance or leave the marriage and ended. You can forgive the one the harms you and move on with life, but it takes two to reconcile. Reconciliation is not guaranteed that the victim will accept the harmer in her or his life and live as if that chapter in your life never happened and things will go back as they used to be. To have reconciliation it takes work from both of you.

When my husband cheated on me emotionally, I froze and could not react. I found out that he was in love with my sister, and had fantasies about these other woman and was obsessed with porn. My sister does not know he has feelings for her up to this day. I always remember his reaction the first time he saw my sister, at the time she was a minor and him a young adult. I knew he was attracted to her, at the time we were not together and right away after seeing his eyes pop out for her I told him right away that she was 13 and he got scared and back off right away. When I told him her age, I never expected a year later to fall in love with him. I had no attraction for him whatsoever, but with time things changed. After dating for some 6 years we got married. I was 26 yrs old and him 27. I found it strange he would spend so much time in the computer selling things on eBay. Prior to being married coming from a conservative family he would always bug me for sex, at times I would not give in because I would feel uncomfortable in some situations and locations and times. I did not share same view as parents, no sex before marriage. I was delighted when we got married because we did not have to hide anymore for intercourse. Our first year went by and slowly I started noticing he was not interested being with me, I was more sex hungry than him. He always had excuses that he was tired and had to do some work at home in the computer. It was the opposite picture prior to being married where he never had enough of me. I thought may be I had a problem, but I was able to hold back my desire and I didn't look outside marriage to get physical satisfaction as some people do. For me this is wrong!
A short time before our second anniversary I found in the computer, porn pictures but also pictures he had modified of my sister. He used her head and put it on top of some porn girl body pics, and some of these pic were in very explicit sexual positions he liked. I also found porn movies and some other girlfriends heads pics modified with the porn girl body pics. It is when I realized he was lying to me, he always had excuses not to help around the house chores with work he would bring home or sales he had to take care online and that after a weeks work of 60-70hrs he was exhausted to be with me. He would make me feel guilty, for asking him to have sex when he was exhausted.
I even asked him on several occasion if he liked porn movies and if he saw those things, I told him if he wanted I could watch with him. I never had a real objection to this. I know man have needs and their d*** react to what they see, they cannot deny their appeal to other woman it's in their nature. Some woman like those dirty movies, although most don't.
I just never expected that he would modified pictures of my sister and friends to fit the poses of the fantasies he had. Finding my sister pictures hurt more than the porn. I kept asking myself why did he married me if he had feelings for my sister and these other friends we had. Before the wedding I asked him the day earlier if he was sure to exchange vows and if he felt obligated to marry me after all those years together. I was honest and said I had doubts, but mostly scared of getting married. I told him I did not want same story as my cousin who after 10 years together, he finally told wife he never loved her and he knew he did not want to marry her from day 1. Why did he lead me on? I left my home and refuged myself in my sister house, parents were on a trip. I also thanked heaven that I was not pregnant, some 6 months earlier we were trying to conceive.
I've finally confronted him 3 days later, by this time he knew I had found out his secret. I had evidence (copied everything I found to a cd) and he could not deny it. Up to this day my sister nor parents know about his secret. I let him speak, asked questions, but not all truth came out as I would later found out. He was ashamed of his behavior and the time I was out of the house he took drastic measures and destroyed every porn movie, magazines, pictures and got rid of all pictures he had on the computer. Hearing him being desperate and remorse I decided to try and learn to forgive which is hard for me. I've always had difficulty forgiving, because I keep a lot of resentment. I thought at the time that this may be the time to change that defect of mine and learn to forgive, which I did. Through the next few days and weeks he gave me the impression that he wanted to prove to me he really loved me and although he found very attractive my sister physically, but personality wise we are quite different.
I thought we had put it behind this step in our lives, when sometime after x-mas he started feeling depressed. He was deeply remorse and scared that if my sister or friends every found out about the pictures they could suit him for diffamation. He saw a therapist once and told him its normal to have sexual fantasies, but this did not calm him. He finally saw a priest, and through learning to truly forgive others and yourself as Jesus did is not an easy task. Through several spiritual encounters with the priest, he said he finally saw another way the quotes that are used from the bible. People take them from granted or think they understand them but it is not always the case and sometimes through some hard chapters in life they finally sink in and enlighten you. Prior to seeing the last priest he had seeing other priests, some were judgemental and very harsh. I just suggest to people who go through hard chapters in their life not to rely on one person as being the only true voice of the church. Some of the priest are just better with dealing with people and making them feel comfortable with the personality you have. If you need to speak out, do it with someone you feel comfortable and for those who listen don't judge b?c this makes it worse.
I knew at the time it was to good to be true of him going cold turkey with his old habits. He kept reassuring me that he did not want to fall in that vice again. As a precaution I told him if he wanted to rent or see his porn movies, to let me know and I would watch it with him. He said OK, I told him this because if I forbid this he would hide more things and I would never know the truth. Once in a while he would tell me and make me watch it with him (although it does not appeal me) while watching I didn't pay much attention to it. Some months went by, and I though he was finally honest with me. Prior to the incident he was too scared or ashamed to tell me what he like in bed. When people meet me, I'm reserved and quiet, but one thing I'm honest and direct. I will always let you know, my point of view. He is the only guy I ever being with, and he was too ashamed to tell me I was the only girl he has being with. Now that another year has gone by I finally got pregnant. I thought it was a blessing, but once again I have doubts about him being honest. He did tell me recently he had downloaded pictures of this playboy model he liked and even showed it to me. I know I'm pregnant but its no reason to stop intercourse or at least other intimate moments you can have with your partner without the penetration. I don't even have a belly yet, I have not finished yet my first trimester and he does not seem interested being with me. I asked him up front if he finds it disgusting or repelling the idea of being with a pregnant woman in bed. If he could just tell me the truth, I know I would probably be hurt but I would be more relieve in knowing that he does not find me attractive at this moment. I even told him this and no clear answer. Some moments I'm angry to have fallen pregnant because I feel I have married a coward. Although he says his conscience is at peace now that he really faced his problem, he still scares me. He scares me because, I let him tell me about the pictures he downloaded and I didn't object thinking why are woman aloud to fantasize about Tom cruise or Brad Pitt and man are not.
I have doubts about his behavior, even though he still tries to prove to me he truly loves me and says he is honest compared to the past I don't really trust him. What should I do?
I'm thinking more and more of this, since he rejects me physically even if no pregnant belly shows right now. I keep thinking is he masturbating again while on the net. I check once in a while the history of pages visited, I keep seeing once in a while this web page of Lavalife for single people to meet. I'm starting to worry because this time I'm pregnant and there is a child involved, last time no child in the picture. I can no longer pack my bags and leave as the wind. I resent some his behavior in the past but I don't want to bring it back on the discussion table because the past cannot be changed and we had spoken about that. I just keep remembering past behavior, what should I do? How should I face this?

[N0help4u]

The more I read about men and porn the more it seems to be a fact to me that when men are more turned on by porn the less interested they are in the real thing. I think it desensitizes them or something.
From what I hear many guys do not feel comfortable being with their significant other when they are pregnant. It doesn't necessarily mean that he is back into the porn.

[Fr_Chuck]

Ok, aboiut 1/3 of the way I got tired and stopped.

First why are you with him and having is baby if you don't trust him.

But if he is only doing as much in your home that you allow him to do. So put a limit on what he can do. Put a pron block on your computer, delete any porn on it. If he stays out late lock him out or make him sleep on the couch.

[mustard_seed]

I also stopped read after a few lines. This line got my attention--in a bad way:

"A short time before our second anniversary I found in the computer, porn pictures but also pictures he had modified of my sister."

Wipe the blood off your face from hitting this brick wall! Ask yourself if this is what God wants for you. If the answer is no, haul.

[SHM76]

Dear Jane,

Having read your story, I deduced that you're rather infatuated and obsessed by unrealistic thoughts! Just because your man fantansizes porn pics and your sister's does not mean that he doesn't love you, or that he is interested in your sister. All these are not founded on facts! Most viewers of Porns do this for distraction purposes! My Fiançée and I spend most weekends viewing porns - just for distractions - it has never in any way affected our relationships; and we'll very soon be getting married!

Please relax your mind! There is no cause for scare, OK! On the contrary, I'll encourage you to show interest in his fantansies! Join him whenever you see him doing it - pretend to like what he's doing, instead of you being against it!

Cheers!