[startover22]

There are so many making a difference in a child's life, whether you are a friend, family member, or a stranger just trying to make a difference or help someone out, I am thankful for people like you. I understand how wonderful it can be to get to know a new child and love and help him/her through. I also understand how hard it can be to keep that love and helping hand alive.

Any mother or father trying to fight hard to make things right as well, I wish you the best of luck in getting your child/children back. I also understand how much of a struggle it can be working with the state, or just working with the people that have your children.

I am hoping to open this subject as far as it can be opened. There are huge shortages of foster parents for kids that have been taken from their parents. Some of these kids have been in several foster homes a year, and some have been in the same home for years. Either way, if you have anything to add here or ask here, please do... And please remember there are a number of reasons this can happen, from false information to true. We are here to help and get foster parents, birth parents or the kids on their feet, so please be as kind as possible. This is a heavy subject for most involved and I hope that others experiences or trial and errors can be noted to help others along. ;)

[MOWERMAN2468]

Fostering is a very challenging quest at best. We have done so, even to the point to where we were nearly ready to adopt four siblings ages 1 1/2 to 6, then the mom had 8 jobs in 6 months and got her children back. Well were only months from adopting and the state said that their mother had greatly improved, and was showing a great improvement in stability. Excuse me, 8 jobs in 6 months is stabil?? Ohh well, we adopted 2 other siblings and have since had a child of our own which the doctors said would be impossible for my wife to accomplish. And have had a happy family since. So don't never give up on the possibility if you are not able to have children according to the doctors. And give the children a proper home with love and understanding. There is always an adjustment period to deal with, but you have to help the children cope with the changes and encourage them. Let God be your guide and perhaps it is his will for the children to be returned to the parents, or perhaps sometimes the state is just not seeng the whole picture. Although the entire goal of children services agencies is to reunite the children with the parents, it does not always work out this way. Startover is correct, this is probably one, if not the most touchy subject on amhd. But I am glad to see it here, and I have been through the training on this situation given by the state agency and would be happy to encourage or help in anyway that I can. I done this training in a different state than my current state, and it has been sometime ago. But I will help you if I can.

[bushg]

Start and mowerman, I am really glad to see your post. Start I knew that you were a foster parent all along and must say that you gave me a new perspective on foster parents.

I really hate to say this but I believe that too often the perception in the public is that people who foster are abusive to the children or they are in it for the money.

I know in my area the media has highlighted many cases of foster abuse and murders of foster children. While I believe that it is important for agencies/f parents to be held accountable that allow or inflict abuse it is equally important that the good agencies and foster parents not be overlooked or put into one group.

It takes a special person to invite a stranger into their home and provide them with guidance and love. You do this never knowing how long they will be there or if you will ever see or hear from them again, once they leave your care. Just anybody cannot or is not willing to do this. I think everyone in society should be thanking good people like you.

[startover22]

Fostering is a very challenging quest at best. We have done so, even to the point to where we were nearly ready to adopt four siblings ages 1 1/2 to 6, then the mom had 8 jobs in 6 months and got her children back. Well were only months from adopting and the state said that their mother had greatly improved, and was showing a great improvement in stability. Excuse me, 8 jobs in 6 months is stabil??? Ohh well, we adopted 2 other siblings and have since had a child of our own which the doctors said would be impossible for my wife to accomplish. And have had a happy family since. So don't never give up on the possibility if you are not able to have children according to the doctors. And give the children a proper home with love and understanding. There is always an adjustment period to deal with, but you have to help the children cope with the changes and encourage them. Let God be your guide and perhaps it is his will for the children to be returned to the parents, or perhaps sometimes the state is just not seeng the whole picture. Although the entire goal of children services agencies is to reunite the children with the parents, it does not always work out this way. Startover is correct, this is probably one, if not the most touchy subject on amhd. But I am glad to see it here, and I have been through the training on this situation given by the state agency and would be happy to encourage or help in anyway that I can. I done this training in a different state than my current state, and it has been sometime ago. But I will help you if I can.

Fostering is definitely about helping the kids. For you It must have been very hard to let those children go. We as foster parents will always think that the children are best with us. The reason we think that is because they got taken from their parents. The obligation in many states is really to get the children back with the original family. So, knowing that going in is extremely important. It is hard to give the children back knowing full well, they could be hurt or they could suffer once again. You are so lucky to have found someone who needed you all the way. So happy for you Mowerman and your family. :)
Have you stayed in contact with the foster kids that got back with their mom? I always wonder this in foster care cases.

[startover22]

start and mowerman, I am really glad to see your post. Start I knew that you were a foster parent all along and must say that you gave me a new perspective on foster parents.

I really hate to say this but I believe that too often the perception in the public is that people who foster are abusive to the children or they are in it for the money.

I know in my area the media has highlighted many cases of foster abuse and murders of foster children. While I believe that it is important for agencies/f parents to be held accountable that allow or inflict abuse it is equally important that the good agencies and foster parents not be overlooked or put into one group.

It takes a special person to invite a stranger into their home and provide them with guidance and love. You do this never knowing how long they will be there or if you will ever see or hear from them again, once they leave your care. Just anybody cannot or is not willing to do this. I think everyone in society should be thanking good people like you.

Fostering is definitely for the kids, I just had to say that one more time. ;)
Although there are good people that do it for the kids and take on much more than they are supposed to for these guys... there are people still who do it just for the money and greed of it all. I understand your thoughts here bushg. I know people like this, but mostly I know wonderful, good people that are willing to give... give... and give, even without a check every month. You would be very surprised what you can't do and get with that check, it isn't much.

I still have contact with the three little guys we fostered, they are going to come up for a swim day in about a week. They still ask about me and I still call them.
The last guy that was here (14), well, he just got removed again from the new 1 1/2 months) home he was in... he keeps calling. I know he would like us to invite him back, but the circumstances were starting to be devastating to our own kids. I sure wish it were different though, I miss his humor and his strong qualities. I also miss that glimpse of hope in his eyes... ohhhh I sure hope he uses that.:) He will also come up and hang out with the family as soon as he gets settled in his new placement, mind you if the new foster parents allow it.
There lies another issue, but I will wait till it comes up . bushg, there will always be good and bad... lets root for the good!

[MOWERMAN2468]

Fostering is definitely about helping the kids. For you It must have been very hard to let those children go. We as foster parents will always think that the children are best with us. The reason we think that is because they got taken from their parents. The obligation in many states is really to get the children back with the original family. So, knowing that going in is extremely important. It is hard to give the children back knowing full well, they could be hurt or they could suffer once again. You are so lucky to have found someone who needed you all the way. So happy for you Mowerman and your family. :)
Have you stayed in contact with the foster kids that got back with their mom? I always wonder this in foster care cases.

No we have not heard from the others in about 6 yrs. Now. But have gotten reports that the mother remarried and apparently really did get stable and is providing for the children the way she should have all along. I guess us having them for the time we did, got her head onto her shoulders correctly.

[startover22]

No we have not heard from the others in about 6 yrs. now. But have gotten reports that the mother remarried and apparently really did get stable and is providing for the children the way she should have all along. I guess us having them for the time we did, got her head onto her shoulders correctly.

Mowerman, sometimes, the story is happy. Sometimes it isn't. But we hope that the time the kids are in our care or any foster home care that it makes a difference, don't you agree? Sometimes it takes a nudge of reality to get peoples heads back on their shoulders. ;)

[Stringer]

Start, as I see it, one of the problems is that there are not enough people like you and the others that posted here. People like you have no limit to the love you can give and I thank you and the world should thank you.

For those that would hurt any child I can only say, your time will come my friend.

Stringer

[Stringer]

I have never know anyone that fostered a child and because of that cannot begin to understand the effort and love necessary to do this or the pain when they leave.

I am proud of all of you.

Stringer

[MOWERMAN2468]

Mowerman, sometimes, the story is happy. Sometimes it isn't. But we hope that the time the kids are in our care or any foster home care that it makes a difference, don't you agree? Sometimes it takes a nudge of reality to get peoples heads back on their shoulders. ;)

Yes, I feel that with each case we dealt with, that we did make a difference. And as far as people saying folks are in it for the money. Yes you can tell that some of them are in it for the money. We told them we didn't need or want their money. We just wanted to help them if we could, but the state will insist that you take the money. Government. Oh well, I agree with the fact that it is hard to see them go. When you have taken them in and cared for them everyday and night, and knowing that they may not have their needs meet once they go back to their biological parents. And what is even stranger is the fact that the state will not let some of these children go to a relatives home, instead of a foster home, or the relatives are asked and decline. This is a messed up world we live in today.

[MOWERMAN2468]

Some of this may be disturbing to some of you, I am sorry if it upsets you, it is just the facts. Just a little note about a case. We picked up two young boys from another foster home that was adopting a young girl that was being fostered by the couple. The two boys were just coming to see us for a respite (not sure on the spelling of that word, break in other words), and the two boys had about 4 or 5 small toys each, ragged cloths, holes in their socks, holes in their shoes, and underwear that was too small we later found out. And the girl they were adopting wanted to show us her room. It was full of toys, had about 9 different pairs of nice looking shoes, dress shoes, sandles, nike, and even one pair of cowgirl boots. Her closet was bulging with new looking clothes, and her dresser drawers wouldn't even shut all the way. All this when the other two boys had one and a half drawers each in a 3 drawer chest, and didn't even need the closet for clothes. And of course only the one pair of shoes that had holes through the sides.
Now within 30 minutes of picking these two boys up, my wife and I spent about $125.00 buying them some clothes, I mean it was terrible, I didn't want people to see them in the clothes they had on, or their shoes. I was ashamed for them, because they did not know to be ashamed for themselves. Those two boys acted like they had never had such nice new clothes, and we just bought enough clothing for the weekend and Monday, and NEW shoes. The looks on those boys faces were priceless. Then we asked if they were hungry, and they said yes they had not eaten. Now get this, this is now about 1:00 P.M. So we asked them if they wanted to go to McDonald's and again the great excitement of them was astounding. And my wife and I are already planning a call to the case worker when we get home. But anyway, when we left McDonald's, they both had french fries stuffed into their new pants pockets, and one of them even had a half eaten chicken nugget. We found this out when we arrived home. This is a hard part in the fact that some children "hoard" food, because they don't know when they will be fed again.
Well after the call Sat. afternoon about 3:45 or 4:00 p.m. to the case worker, she said she would be doing an investigation on the situation with the young girl and the boys being equally taken care of. Well I didn't expect her to be the one calling us back at about 7:00 p.m. but she said, "Jerry, I've gone to the --------'s house and saw what you were describing, .................. and would we consider moving the boys to our home now and for us to care for them." I replied with a Yes.
Fostering is a great enjoyment, and the feeling of helping the children is award enough for anyone doing this. The state of course will make you take the checks, but it is not the money that makes some people do fostering. It is simply the desire to care for and love a child that has not had such. When the boys left about 2 years later, they had gotten to where they did not cuss, did not hoard food, and had grown into pleasant young boys. Now the part about the cussing, the boys were 3 and 4 years old when we went to pick them up that Saturday for a "break" for the other foster parents. The young boys would "cuss like a sailor". Oh well, enough on this story.

[startover22]

Mowerman, I appreciate your story. :) I can feel everything you say when you talk about the boys' situation. I know it's hard to see what some kids go through, I sure know that. Kids know good and bad, when they finally see the good in people, they know that what they had was bad... if that isn't too confusing. It can be pretty hard to overcome, a small or even an older child not understanding why they didn't get to see that good for so long. There are so many questions that play into their heads, so much stress and wonder. Not that they don't appreciate what the nice people are doing, but it is really hard to accept that someone wasn't treating you right, you know? I would love to talk more, I just don't have time, I have to git to work soon. Thanks for sharing Mowerman, I appreciate the help for those boys!

[startover22]

So, here is a little part of our story...
I did daycare for three boys, ages 7, 5, and 4 at the time...
We have four kids of our very own so daycare was helping with the costs of living and helping me stay home with the kids as we feel it is so important.
These boys were brought to me by their first set of foster parents, they held on to the kids as long as they could but the foster dad had a outburtst and the state found it not good to let them stay at their house anymore, I disagreed, but that doesn't matter. These three boys in one sense or the other were special needs, loud, angry, sweet, overly affectionate... the list goes on and on. I loved these guys and to tell you the truth I never thought I would be able to have foster children when my own children were small. ( I always thought I would do these things when they were grown and gone) Anyway, the way we got them was they were going to be separated when they had to move to another home, at this point I said NO way... there was no question in my mind that we could let them be separated, after all they were already going through hell. They were just about three months out to being able to go back with mom, she was working real hard to get them back. Their story is really long and heart wrenching so I am not sure about posting it here. Anyway, we held onto them as tight as we could, it was hard, really heard, they were in constant need of survival attention and our kids were suffering clearly. We all stuck it out so they didn't have to go into separate homes. We all talked together as openly and honestly as we could without hurting feelings. The moral to this story really is to give what you can and sometimes more because for a short period someone may need you more than anything on earth, you may not know it right then, but it comes to be true with these boys. They did us a favor and taught us a lot about patience, love, understanding, and that suffering is just a word that you can make true or false. We all have choices to do things or not to. We all have a power to be a giving person and to help when it is needed. Not saying that everyone needs to run out and be a foster parent, I am only implying that there is something for everyone to do, whether it be give a dollar to the guy on the street, carry an older ladies groceries to her car for her, or just smile at a stranger when they walk by you for no reason. We all have the power and with the willingness we can make change for the good. Oh goodness I am rambling now...

Really the mother to this day is still fighting to get off the state records. She has had just as rough, if not a harder time than these three boys. I am still in contact with them and her and they are making do with what they have to. I plan on helping much more as soon as our house gets sort of back to normal from this very long year. I do so wish them all of the best, they are special boys and need to be with their mother.

[Stringer]

I am quite sure that you saved these boys Start... you have the love and patience of a Saint.

[startover22]

I didn't save them Stringer, surely they were going to make it without us. We just wanted them to have an easier time going through what they had to endure for the period they needed all of us. But thank you;)