[tigerlilly3]

:mad: About 3months ago I say porn on his computer. I freaked out and told him I hate it, it makes me feel very insecure. I just feel like as long as he has me why would he need porn? We having a very good sex life but the I caught him again. He snuck out of bed and so I pretended I was asleep and then came out and caught him in the act! Now I don't know what to do. If he knew it bothered me as much as it did why would he do it again? And does that mean he would keep other things from me? I mean other than that he's the perfect boyfriend but showing that he can lie and hide things from me makes me very unsettled...

[Fr_Chuck]

Let me see, have him sleep the next few nights on the couch, see if that pron will snuggle with him.

While he is out put a porn blocker on the computer and delete any porn on it.

Or of course tossing him and the computer to the drive way comes in mind also.

It is not all the porn but the disrespect he showed to you about it, and they lying. While I don't like or believe in porn for those couples that both agree and like it, this is a free county,

[progunr]

He should not lie to you about it, but, if you have given him no option other than to NEVER view it... well... you know what they say happens if you back a bear into a corner?

Your bear chose to "hide" it from you rather than to come out fighting. He must be a peaceful man.

Did you ever think about the fact that perhaps he feels insecure about his sexual ability?
He may be looking for other ways to put excitement into your bedroom?

I'm not here simply to defend his actions, but to ask you to look at how you confronted him about it and how your approach severely limited his options.

Perhaps an open and peaceful discussion about this topic would do you both good.

[blackmage]

Its porn big deal if you can watch it you should be mature to trust him sometimes a guy can only love himself for sure will be picking up tips for you how much do you want to bet? I would get over it and stop being insecrue maybe your not doing something he wants to try? Maybe its you not him just put that threw your head if you don't like it that's your thing but you can't expect him to change something you don't like that's his private momments we all get them don't have to be sex

[MissingHim2Much]

Here's what I think ( MEN LOVE PORN ) Put it this way, men are visual beings. I don't for one minute think they are looking at the woman in the porn and saying " I've got to have her " it's not about her. It's about watching the act.

[nova225]

Regardless of there age men are just like little kids, if you tell them that you don't want them to do something you don't like (in your case watching porn) there going to do it anyway.

Don't worry about him watching porn (unless he gets addicted), you said it yourself that your sex life is great. What's the problem??

Men are not attracted to insecure women, and you said it
Yourself that it makes you feel insecure when he watches it.

I feel that women have a wilder romantic imagination then men, so when you want to please yourself you use your imagination. When men want to please there selves they use porn.

If you keep pushing the issue (if it's not serious), you're going to push him away.

I try to be truthful and honest... not hurtful and mean.

[talaniman]

Lying is not good in a relationship, and I think you may have to approach this sensitive to him, subject with kid gloves, and get some communication, and understanding going. This may be a very long process, so don't rush in, guns blazing.

[AustProd6]

Thus starts the game of hide and snoop.
Him: He will get sneakier, and hide it a lot better.
You: Will need to dig deeper to find it.
Better he is at home, under the same roof, rather than out at a strip club or online chat, trying to start emotional relationships.
Why not sit there and join him, and find out what turns him on rather than berat him to hide it.
If you think about we are animals. In the Animal world most male animals try and impregnate as many females as he can to continue his bloodline. The females look after the young.
This guy is only attending to his animal urges without actually doing anything extreme.

Know I know you all won't like this explanation from a male. My New GF and I have a bit of a peek, and I must say it's only for about 5 minutes before it's turned off, if you know what I mean. Some memorable sessions have been acquired :-)

[AustProd6]

Sorry, One more thing.
My Girlfriend says she doesn't like TV in the bedroom. Absolutely Hates It.
But on a cold Sunday, snuggled up with nibblies and me she doesn't mind a good Girlie Movie to watch with me such as Notting Hill.

COMPROMISE.

[Handyman2007]

I look at it this way. If you don't like coffee, would you be mad if he drank coffee? It is the same premise. Maybe he needs a "little extra" stimulation. If this is the only "problem" in your relationship then I would try to ignore it. BTW, why were you searching on his computer? Trust issues? My computer is personal- as personal as my wallet or dresser drawers... I divorced my wife for 'sneaking" looks at my computer. There was nothing on it that would be any threat to our marriage but she was so insecure with herself that she "needed" to get into my Hard Drive and "see" what I was up to. If it does not affect your life in any other way, you need to chill or re-evaluate your love and trust for him.

[450donn]

We are not talking about coffee here. We are talking about relationships and how porn can destroy one. People have to remember that porn is addictive. It is also one of the most destructive things to a stable relationship out there today. If you cannot get your boy friend to deal with this addiction then I would suggest that you dump him, and move on.

[AustProd6]

:mad: About 3months ago I say porn on his computer. I freaked out and told him I hate it, it makes me feel very insecure. I just feel like as long as he has me why would he need porn? We having a very good sex life but the I caught him again. He snuck out of bed and so I pretended I was asleep and then came out and caught him in the act! Now I dont know what to do. If he knew it bothered me as much as it did why would he do it agian? And does that mean he would keep other things from me? I mean other than that he's the perfect boyfriend but showing that he can lie and hide things from me makes me very unsettled........

Date a man of god or a unich.
Look I am sorry, The issue isn't him watching porn it's your own insecurities.
As long as he isn't into bestiality or kiddie stuff (and if you were sitting beside him you would then know), than who knows you might enjoy it.

He will continue to hide it if you continue to make a huge issue over it.

And Handyman2007 is so correct. My ex would do the same. She would get up in the middle of the night and check my Mobile Phone, Laptop, Wallet. She suffers Borderline Personality Disorder. She did it every work night for 2 years. I would get Joke Text Messages from my First wife, who was remarried, and 1800kms away. She thought I was having an affair with her because she thought it wasn't natural to converse with your ex. It's crazy making.

[AustProd6]

We are not talking about coffee here. We are talking about relationships and how porn can destroy one. People have to remember that porn is addictive. It is also one of the most destructive things to a stable relationship out there today. If you cannot get your boy friend to deal with this addiction then I would suggest that you dump him, and move on.

Stable?? Are you kidding me.

I agree, dump him and move on. He will be so much better off.

Yep porn is addictive, So is Television, Chocalate, and the list goes on.

I could understand if it were alcohole or drugs.

I suggest maybe therepy for both, his porn her insecurities.

[JBeaucaire]

The problem here is ONCE AGAIN everyone is arguing individual positions as if there were some absolute truth to be found here. And there isn't. ONCE AGAIN you need to be reminded that people are different. That's the POINT of dating in the first place.

Half-truth #1 - Porn is destructive to relationships - talk about an easily misapplied truth! Remember, its not MONEY that is the root of all evil, it's the LOVE of money. I say that because the same principle applies here. Porn isn't automatically destructive to a relationship, the FIGHT OVER THE ISSUE is the destructive force. One person likes it, the other hates it... HATES it.

Half-truth #2 - Porn is addictive - another truth easily misused. An addiction is something that interferes with your ability to safely operate a normal life. Looking at porn doesn't make you an addict. Looking at a LOT of porn doesn't make you an addict. Looking at so much porn you can't have a normal sex life makes you an addict. Potato chips are addictive. Golf is addictive. Watching TV is addictive.

The Point: You are dating to discover compatibility. When your date is found to have a lack of hate for things YOU hate, it's another opportunity to learn. Either you can live with the newly discovered differences or you can't. It is absolutely that simple.

Dating isn't about discovering things about your mate and demanding they change, it's about discovering and LOVINGLY responding. Lovingly deciding and lovingly adapting. Sometime the adaptation means the end of the dating relationship WITHOUT slinging arrows. How about some maturity here, people?

I'm not advocating porn tolerance, I'm advocating mature discussion and reasonableness. Even if you find something personally offensive and intolerable, that doesn't make it wrong for everyone else, who wants a world where someone else's sense of morality is YOUR law? How awful would that be!

If something is personally offensive, describe it that way. Calmly stated: "I have a LOT of trouble with porn, I find it hard to deal with. I hope you understand. I'm not asking you to stop or defend it or anything like that, I just want you to know this is one of those big issues for me. OK?"

Or "I don't think things are going to work out between the two of us. Our values are really very different, so staying together and just making each other miserable is no way to live, so let's part as friends."

I'm just saying, the more vehemently someone attacks an issue, the more I step back and realize it is often an issue of personal preference / morality being wielded like a weapon. And that's wrong.

Measure your relationship honestly. Discuss differences calmly and with maturity. When irreconcilable differences become evident, break up civilly, avoid the weaponry. And perhaps, keeping your wits about each other, you'll discover some things you hate aren't really the end of the world, and certainly don't need to mean the end of your relationship.

[tigerlilly3]

Thank you everyone for your help!!

[ForeverZero]

Get used to it. 65 million years of evolution has bred us to want to reproduce with every female ever. Monogamy wasn't invented till like the bible. You do the math. Look at it this way, it's better he spanks it to a blond then goes out and actually cheats on you.

[ForeverZero]

Also, my next point would be that your best bet is to find porn that you two can watch together rather than telling him not to do what he wants to do.

[mely420]

I have to say that is not entirly true. Im somewhat cool with my BF watching porn, HOWEVER, my issue with him is that he looks for certain types of women. Like he watches those trashy girls on YouTube who make videos of themselves dancing all hoochie like and shaking their butt in the camera.. and as far as porn sites, he saerches for "latinas, asians, brazilians etc.. So he is looking for other women in my opinion...