[Allie500]

Hi!
I have been married for 13 years, have 2 children, and am an education professional.

In Feb, my MIL, my husband, kids, his aunt, uncle, cousins, and their son flew to Disney to have a family vacation together, and with husband's brother. We were all excited, not only to go to Disney, but also spend time together.
My brother in law has not spent time with children, or my children, because we live on opposite sides of the country.

The trip went OK. My son (aged 8) is a good kid, does well in school, usually OK at home, but has a little anxiety especially when over tired and highly excited. He was SO SO SO excited to be at Disney WOrld, and was in full "show off" mode, silly and excitable, but not what I would consider "bad". My daughter, aged 5, seemed to love the attention lavished upon her by the uncle, who bought her new clothes and pushed her around in the stroller. She got sick the last couple of days, and coughed and threw up quite a bit.

WELL.. I could tell the brother in law was irritated at times, when he wanted to go on certain ride that the kids didn't, or if he walked back to the car, and didn't take the tram, and the kids were exhausted (and, I might add very off schedule, up late, getting up early.. )

I didn't think too much of it, until a couple of days after I got home. I got the most hateful e-mail you've ever seen from my brother in law. He thought I was a terrible mother, my husband a terrible father because of the clothes the kids wore (apparently everyone was looking at them with pity), my kids were ill mannerd brats (and they can be) he wanted to call child protective services (now, I've actually been to court to testify in child abuse cases, and no one would take someone who calls because he doesn't like the icecream spilled on a little girl's t shirt seriously). THen he said (and it is engraved in my mind) "I've always thought you were a self obsessed, whack job drama queen, but now I know that is being kind." And went on to discuss my clothing (apparently I was supposed to dress up more on vacation) and also my career and degree.

SO.. for anyone who might read this, and doesn't know me, I am not perfect, I am not a good housekeeper, I probably am a little lenient with my children; however they are good kids, don't get into trouble at school, teachers etc always like them, I always get along with people at work, have been at the same job for 13 yrs.. etc etc...

Brother in law has had a lot of trouble keeping a job, with relationships, etc. He has also sent his mother HATEFUL e-mails like the one he sent me. SO, is there some disorder this hatefulness fits under? He is no longer talking to his mother as a result of this e-mail (she gave him a piece of her mind) my husband has no interest in talking to his brother again.

I do feel sad that it ended this way. I'm sad the vacation didn't live up to his expectations, and that my children weren't the people he had hoped they would be (thankfully they do not know about the e-mail, I would hate for them to know... ) I don't think I should mend fences, it's not my place, and he so clearly hates me...

Well this is a long message, if anyone makes it to the bottom I'm impressed!

Thanks!

[jrebel7]

Allie, this just breaks my heart and makes me hurt to the core of my being. I know not all people who read this will feel this but empathy is part of who I am. I felt I was there. I tried to read it objectively so I could comment with some sort of balance. I must say, it is difficult.

For the brother-in-law to have had such issues over the things you mentioned, it seems clear that he has had some issues for some length of time.

Did you respond in anyway to his e-mail?

I'm glad the children don't know about the note. They shouldn't.

If the brother-in-law had just seemed miffed with the actions of the children, their being excited or tired, etc. that would be understandable with him not being around children. I have five grandchildren whom I dearly love to the moon, around the moon and home again and forever and a day, and still, if I am tired, their little loud chattery voices can grate a bit when they are all here at one time (my idea of Heaven most of the time). LOL

I hope there is a way, you can put this in perspective in your mind but I know the words hit hard. When a person is so unhappy, they attack whoever is handy at the time. That was you. Did your husband send a reply to his e-mail?

Were the rest of the family that were at Disney with you aware he was this upset? How did they react?

Please know that hearts will go out to you and I hope it helped just to vent here a little as you shared your experience. There will be others who will post later.

I pray for you good rest, peace in your heart, understanding even through your pain, joy each day. Keep posting your feelings and let us know how you are doing.

[Choux]

First, since he is hell bent on burning his bridges with you behind him with such an over-the-top rant about you and your kids, I think you should take the high road... :) **Send him an e-mail saying you are sorry he is so upset, but you don't feel any anger toward him and hope to have a cordial relationship going forward.**

It is really important for you NOT to take his rant personally... the rant was all about him and his bottled-up anger.

As I said previously, just diffuse the situation from your viewpoint, and move on. Nothing good can come from returning anger to his anger. Nothing good can come from you stewing over these hateful remarks even one day more.

Best wishes,