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chrissymarie · Apr 25, 2008, 08:53 AM

My fiancé and I have a very healthy sex life but something about of sex life is starting to bother me. He can get excited and stay excited but he CANNOT ejaculate. I'd say he ejaculates once a week and we have sex 2 to 3 times a day. Is it my fault... what can I do to help and should I even question him about this or will it make things worse?

Smoked · Apr 25, 2008, 08:57 AM

2-3 times a day? I think you have found the problem. It can get hard (no pun intended) to ejaculate for a guy with that kind of continued stimulation. It doesn't mean he isn't enjoying it. It especially doesn't mean he isn't turned on by you. Actually just having the desire to get it on and know that you probably won't have an orgasm says to me "he is aroused".

chrissymarie · Apr 25, 2008, 08:59 AM

Originally Posted by Smoked

2-3 times a day? I think you have found the problem. It can get hard (no pun intended) to ejaculate for a guy with that kind of continued stimulation. It doesn't mean he isn't enjoying it. It especially doesn't mean he isn't turned on by you. Actually just having the desire to get it on and know that you probably won't have an orgasm says to me "he is aroused".

So we should have less sex?

Smoked · Apr 25, 2008, 09:11 AM

If he isn't bothered by it and you are being satisfied.. I don't see the issue?

chrissymarie · Apr 25, 2008, 09:13 AM

Originally Posted by Smoked

If he isn't bothered by it and you are being satisfied..I don't see the issue?

I'm bothered by it... I have a huge sexual appetite. Is 2 to 3 times a day abnormal?

Smoked · Apr 25, 2008, 09:25 AM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

I'm bothered by it... I have a huge sexual appetite. Is 2 to 3 times a day abnormal?

No, it doesn't seem to abnormal per say. You said "I'm bothered by it", why? If you are satisfied and he is satisfied then what is the issue? Do you have an orgasm every time you have sex? Most woman don't so if you do congratulations. But, does that mean that he should be upset or bothered if it's not an issue for you? Back to what I said before. If you are happy with the sex, its frequency, and he is also happy, then don't make an issue where their isn't one.

kp2171 · Apr 25, 2008, 11:34 AM

How old? How long sexually active? Just curious. It can make a difference.

If you are saying that your guy can get hard, maintain a quality erection, get you to orgasm on a regular basis, have sex with you multiple times a day, and not complain when he doesn't ejaculate... honey, you are with a man that many, many women would kill for.

A few things...

Sex surveys can be skewed by a lot of things... but when asked "how often do you want sex" (not how often do you actually have it) the most common number I've seen thrown around is often is 2-3 times a week. However, when you combine those who say they want sex everyday, and those who say they want it multiple times a day, this population is sometimes bigger. And the last survey I read showed women and men overall were not that off in terms of who wanted it how often.

Now... how often do people actually get it? Again, one survey said about 3/4 of couples in serious relationships have sex at least once a week or more. The striking difference I've seen is between those who say theyd like sex everyday and those who actually have it everyday. While the "wishes" can hit as high as 50%, the "haves" can be in the single digits. Whether the "wishes" just want what they aren't getting, I can't say.

Personally, I've only dated one woman who wanted sex daily and as often as possible.

Obviously this can be all over the place with age, experience, presence of kids in the home, etc...

I'm a chipper guy now if I have sex 2-3 times a week concerning my having an orgasm. I could go down on my partner every day and not complain one bit. I love doing it and she responds so well. But I prefer a little sexual tension to build, and for me, a day or two thinking about it helps the overall experience. I think my strength, longevity, and orgasm is better with a few days buildup. When with the partner who wanted sex all the time, my saving grace was she was sooo easy to get off, so I could keep up without a lot of wear and tear.

Now, with a child in the house and a wife that travels and works long hours, sometimes the stars align and we get that 2-3 times a week "quota", and sometimes, even often, we don't.

There's a person here on the boards wholl claim they'll go mad if its not everyday, and then those wholl state their drive in all but gone.

Uhm... also, does he always wait for you to hit the big O or do you ever tell him to go first? If my partner says "its all about you" I can hit orgasm in no time. I know all the moves I need. I can get into my own pants with no problem.

But... if I'm holding back for her, especially if I have to hold back a long time, sometimes ill take longer to hit orgasm. And sometimes I might not at all if there's a time constraint... if I find, after getting her off, that I've hit a "flat spot" where it feels good, but just isn't climbing, often a withdrawl, followed by a brief resting period of maybe 10-15 minutes and then going again can do the trick.

Not to mention there are positions I absolutely favor... so if he's working to get you off, he might not have you in the best positions for him. One of my absolute favs is one my partner doesn't care for when she's trying to hit orgasm.

Short answer is as long as he seems content... and long as he's a giving lover... I think you should thank the heavens you have a partner who can keep up with you and who seems balanced about sex.

If there's more to tell, please tell.

Choux · Apr 25, 2008, 12:08 PM

It seem to me you are wondering if he is masturbating every day, at least once a day, or if he has another girlfriend--or both.

I don't think you are going to get him to admit these two possibilities if that is the case. Lots of questions just drive men away, girl.

Good Luck in 2008,

kp2171 · Apr 25, 2008, 12:24 PM

If he is masturbating, and has another girlfriend, and has sex with her 3 times a day... he's a God among mortals

Choux · Apr 25, 2008, 12:35 PM

:) You never know with young guys. :)

I think, C, that he can ejaculate and has no problem with that. I believe that if and when when the time comes that you are having sex 2-3 times a week, he will ejaculate every time.

Not to worry!

Izannah · Apr 25, 2008, 12:43 PM

Originally Posted by kp2171

i can get into my own pants with no problem.

I swear I laughed for ten minutes on that... soooooo funny!

I agree with kp2171... also, are you using condoms? If not and he is really really not into the idea of getting you pregnant, maybe he's having (or in this case, NOT having) a physical reaction to what is going on in his head. Just a thought...

You never really said how he feels about the amount of sex you guys have. Does he share your appetite? Are you generally the instigator or is he? Does he act like him not reaching orgasm is a big deal or does he have that satisfied "job well done" look on his face after?

Handyman2007 · May 1, 2008, 05:12 PM

Yes,, all men are not created equal. Some guys can just come and come and come,, others can only once every couple of days... I give the guy a lot of credit if he can perform for ypou three times a day.! There are probably a lot of ladies out there that would love to see this guy cloned!!

chrissymarie · May 2, 2008, 07:08 AM

Originally Posted by Izannah

I swear I laughed for ten minutes on that...soooooo funny!

I agree with kp2171...also, are you using condoms? If not and he is really really not into the idea of getting you preggo, maybe he's having (or in this case, NOT having) a physical reaction to what is going on in his head. Just a thought...

You never really said how he feels about the amount of sex you guys have. Does he share your appetite? Are you generally the instigator or is he? Does he act like him not reaching orgasm is a big deal or does he have that satisfied "job well done" look on his face after?

We don't use condoms but he is definitely trying to get me pregnant but usually cannot ejaculate but seems to be trying so hard. After about 20 minutes he said his penis goes numb but will just stay hard. He is generally the instigator of sex and I believe we both share the same sexual appetite. After he satisfy's me he's basically through. But the reason I worry about this is because I feel like less of a woman not being able to make him ejaculate. I feel like I'm not pleasing him.

excon · May 2, 2008, 07:19 AM

Hello:

Yeah, 20 minutes of banging away would make my unit sore too. Have you tried to baby it, like taking it in your mouth and loving it a little?

excon

chrissymarie · May 2, 2008, 07:25 AM

Originally Posted by excon

Hello:

Yeah, 20 minutes of banging away would my unit sore too. Have you tried to baby it, like taking it in your mouth and loving it a little?

excon

Actually no I haven't... I thought friction is what makes a guy ejaculate?

excon · May 2, 2008, 07:29 AM

Originally Posted by chrissymarie

actually no i haven't... I thought friction is what makes a guy ejaculate?

Hello again, chrissy:

Nahhh. Friction caused the Grand Canyon. A guy ejaculates because of what's in his head, with just a little coaxing from you.

excon

kp2171 · May 2, 2008, 08:22 AM

I don't think he's lying at all. He's saying he feels less sensitive by holding back.

Yes... hitting orgasm is tied to the mind and the ability to release, but I'm guessing if you made it all about him once... telling him to not wait for you, that hed hit orgasm quickly. Can't say for sure... but id bet this is the case.

confoundedj · May 3, 2008, 11:04 PM

I don't have an answer, just a similar story. My boyfriend barely ever ejaculates during intercourse. He's only ejaculated TWICE since we've started having sex. We have been having sex 2-3 times a week for 7 months. (we only get to see each other 2 days a week right now).

He says that he ejaculates when he masturbates (which he does ~4-5 times a week). I give him head often, and he still won't come after 20mns, and by then my jaw is getting a little sore. He says that it feels great when I go down on him, or when we have intercourse, and he doesn't know why he doesn't come. Apparently it's been the same way with his previous girlfriends.

Although he wants kids in the future, I know he doesn't want them anytime now. I've wondered if that mental hang-up could be to blame? I've asked him that and he doesn't think that's the case.

I have no idea what was different those few times he came. Sometimes it bothers me that he doesn't come, but we both always have a great time in bed. Still, I think of ejaculation as kind of a sign of completion or something. I just really want him to ejaculate...

kp2171 · May 4, 2008, 06:55 AM

Originally Posted by confoundedj

He says that he ejaculates when he masturbates (which he does ~4-5 times a week). I give him head often, and he still won't come after 20mns, and by then my jaw is getting a little sore. He says that it feels great when I go down on him, or when we have intercourse, and he doesn't know why he doesn't come. Apparently it's been the same way with his previous girlfriends.

He is desensitizing himself emotionally and physically. He's removed all sexual tension (a good thing when done right) by focusing on himself as his primary source of pleasure, and he's physically trained himself to prefer a stronger grip (his hand) instead of the lush feeling of intercourse or oral.

It would be different if he were self stimulating and still having a good sex life. Masturbation alone isn't bad... but when it affects what's happening between you, it's a problem. And this is a problem.

Step one... tell him to break up with his hand.