[ststoleson]

This girl and I met online, talked for a while but we never saw either one of us going to where the other is (shes going to school in PA and lives in NJ and I live in Tx) She met someone else and that was it, I didn't talk to her at all, blocked her from my aim list, deleted her phone number, and took her off my facebook/myspace. I dated another girl that I used to date in high school but then the girl in PA told me she decided she wanted to be with me and we'll find a way.

After much deliberation I decided to call it quits with the girl I dated from high school and went with her, we met, and everything was awesome and has been awesome. Then school got more hectec, and the usual story. The plan is/was for me to finish my last year of college and move up to NJ with her, since there's not much in south Texas for a computer scientist anyway. I got the same phone company for mobiletomobile purposes, and have been up there 3 times for week each time. She's been down here twice for a week at a time. Ive met her parents and she's met mine and everything was great. Granted we'd argue about stupid sh*t from time to time but I started getting into the wuss phase cause she was always stressed about school and finding a job and never really was fliratious anymore or lovey-dovey, etc. We talked everyday in the morning and at night and sometimes during the day. She started to get worried that I wouldn't be able to take it when she got her job because I wouldn't be able to talk to her, and argue etc.

Last week she said that she felt we needed a break and I got mad and said that wasn't the solution, we fought and didn't talk for a day, I begged her to talk to me and called and called and sent her flowers, and she called me back. This past Saturday I was trying to figure out flight plans for her graduation so I would still be able to take care of my finals and school work. She wanted a break on Sunday again after we argued about me staying up there longer then she wanted because she wanted time before she started her new career. We talked on our webcams like usual and laughed. Monday she was real short with me all day and messaged me at work saying "I think we need to take a break :( "

I called her and she was crying and I told her well after everything I've said if that's what she really wants then ill give it to her. She said she still loved me and didn't want to hurt me but this is what she needed right now. I think its stress building up and the pressures of graduation and starting a new job because she really hasn't had a career based job in her life. She put that she was single on her myspace and leftthe Facebook blank.

I asked her to call me when I saw this and she did, we talked about all the stuff that I thought I was doing to put more stress on her life and I understand being dependent on her was adding more stress then she needed. We talked and she said she loved me and she didn't know about me going up to see her and needed a couple days to think about it. When we were getting off the phone she asked about what I had to do this week and told me what she had to do as well. We ended the conversation by her saying , "ok ill talk toyou later". And that was the last I heard of her.

Yesturday, she put single on her Facebook, however, and this is the thing I can't get, She's left all the pictures of us up and all the stuff about how she feels about me up. I would think if you didn't want to be with someone you would take everything down of us together. Ive left everything that I've had the way it is because I don't want to play the game of oh well he did this, so I'm doing this now, type deal.

Ive been NC her since I talked to her on Tuesday, because I think giving her what she wants. In terms of a break, would be a good thing it just sucks cause I miss her, and I hope by NC her she will miss me too and come back on her own accord, not just because I want her too.

Think I'm doing the right thing, and since she hasn't taken pictures or anything down, is there still that hope? Of course everyone gives me the ole "its someone else in the picture" but she's told me that even if she did leave me she wouldn't be with anyone else because she wants to focus on her career (shes very career oriented and motivated) so I know there's no one else.

Its Thursday now, been 2 days since I talked to her, and still nothing, so I don't know if she's just giving it the week since she asked what I had to do this week or what. The frist thing I wanted to do was keep calling and harassing her cause I thought time would just pull us apart and not make her want to come back, but then again doing that would push her away further(learned this from a previous experience with another girl who said I never gave her the time she wanted)

So what should I do? Keep on keeping on and wait for her to call me so I don't look desperate or should I just take everything off and just say screw it? OR is she just using this time for her to regather her thoughts and feelings and sort things out.

[Farmerjohn692000]

I think this broad is taking you for a ride. If she needs this many breaks obviously she is leading you on because she is lonely. Or sleeping with someone else. Tell her to get bent and go find a real women. That you can talk to in person all the time and not have to waste money on plan tickets. IF this gal really loved you she would not need a break every other day. And if it is such a great relationship you wouldn't fight. Get where I'm going with this. Your spending time on a hopeless cause.

[ststoleson]

It wasn't every other day, its just been this week, and really came after she talked to her mother (who is the one that pushes her consistantly) I see what you're saying man about the fighting.. by the way Im 24 and she's 21

[losingit77]

It'll get easier. The best thing you can do for both of you is to not contact her. Talking will only push her farther and farther away. This is a very delicate time (this early in the "break") so the best thing to do for yourself is to back off for awhile. Trust me, we've all been there! I wish to God in those first couple of weeks I just went NC immediately, but you live, you learn.

[sully123]

Don't push her by no means, just sit back and lay low right now. She is stressed and if you add anymore to it, she might never come back. Tell her when and if she does call you, you will let her go through what she is going through, and you will be there when she is ready. If its time she just needs and she is pressured , stand back right now, it's the only chance you have.. She seems a little confused about a lot of things. Good luck

[ststoleson]

that's what I'm trying to do, lay low, thanks for your support everyone, I'm taking this a lot better then I thought I would, but its so hard especially when exams are going on and everything is due at the end of the semester... its like she traded all the stress I was giving her and gave it back to me x2

[ststoleson]

I forgot to also mention that after we talked on Sunday at night, she messaged me and said "just dont forget what you promised me" (to be less dependent) and I said I wouldn't and she also said "dont think that just because we laughed tonight that im going to be better tomorrow"...

[bigbird213]

Just because it hasn't been mentioned yet, ill say it:

STAY OFF OF FACEBOOK

Please, for your own sake, all the checkups will do nothing but put you in line for a few weeks of depression. Do yourself a favor by staying off Myspace, Facebook and anywhere else you can get little crumbs about her life.

I'm telling you from experience...

[talaniman]

How long was this a computer love, and also how long have you been in a face to face relationship?

[ststoleson]

It was a computer love for 2 months, then we met face to face from there, so we were together a year face to face.

[Lorimom]

I've been in the same situation. What I learned was if you put pressure on the situation and you get back together before she's really ready, then it will never last.
I guess I feared that the longer we were apart (6 weeks) the chances were better that he would meet someone else. I would constantly check my e-mail or voicemail and just hope to hear from him. He eventually caled me and we got back together for two and a half years. He told me a couple days ago that he needed to find a job having just gotten laid off and take care of some personal matters - he said he just needed some time to sort some things out. While I'm stressed, I'm also going to give him that space he's asking for right now and not to sound corny but if we are meant to be, then we'll be back together. So it's hard to not make that contact, try to keep yourself as busy as possible and go out and do something you enjoy doing. It will get better and if she truly loves you, she'll be back. Good lulck to you... hang in there

[talaniman]

Just my opinion, how strong can a relationship be, if it can be interrupted by personal problems, family issues, school, and career concerns? Hardships and tough times is what binds partners together, not just fun dates, and parties, just my own opinion.

[ststoleson]

Right? I'm supposed to be there for her and as she always called me "her rock" so would think she would want me for support.. yah if we cannot get through this, then I don't think we wouldve been able to get through anything else in the future

[talaniman]

Deal with this from a position of a strength, as a healthy relationship is 50/50. When they ask for space, give it to them, and enjoy your own life. That's why balance is so important, because if your whole soul is tied to them, times like these are harder than they need be.

[ststoleson]

I posted this in the NC calender but I wanted to post it here as well.. I sat outside today, smoking a cigg (which I picked up right away again lol) and I figured out 2 things for certain. YOU cannot make THEM love you! And The ONLY people you need in your life are the ones that NEED you in theirs! I feel really good and I'm hoping that it will continue, I deleted her myspace, Facebook, aim, phone number EVERYTHING.. I figured if she wants to come back, she will no matter what, and if she doesn't, then I guess I learned my lesson and will stay away from her. I don't mean to t00t my own horn, but I'm pretty proud, so far so good.. lets see if it keeps up lol

[Lorimom]

Sounds like you are doing better. Have you ever heard of the book "The Secret"? I haven't read it but I'm going to pick it up from a friend. It's the power of positive thinking.
Hey, it can't hurt.
Been two days since I've heard anything and he's on a job interview today that if he takes the position will surely put an end to our relationship since it's four and a half hours away. I guess I'll have to see how this plays out but I do know one thing, I have to give it a lot of thought before I will think about resuming the relationship. Once you split for a time, there seems to be that trust issue... will it happen again?

[ststoleson]

Lorimom ill have to look into that book sounds like something that would be very healthy for me.