[stephann04]

hi- I'm 22 my boyfriend is 20 we have been together for almost 2 years and been living together for almost a year... we both had our problems when we got together (were young) but now he has done a 180 and very religious I'm not knocking this at all I think its great but I have changed just not religiously I want to but always find some reason not to study with him or to learn... I just recently found out I was pregnant I'm now 14 weeks and now he is wanting to jump in to a marriage which I feel is the right thing to do but I'm scared of divorce... but now that I'm pregnant he decieds to sleep on the couch and that its all a sin to live together sleep together and for me to be pregnant and unwed... I take this hard because I am pregnant and emotioal I know what the right thing it and what to do and I love him with all my heart but I just feeling like we would only be getting married because of the baby... what do I do any help please??

[donf]

Stephann04,

To my way of thinking the correct thing to decide on is whether you want to be married to you BF, not let's do the right thing and get married because you are pregnant.

It is my personal hope that you will choose marriage, but I'd like to see that decision be a choice rather than a pressure point.

Take some time and look at your history together. Were you two heading toward the altar any way? If so continue the trip and get married.

As to your boyfriend and the couch, he is better off there. Believe it or not I understand his thinking. Being Catholic, I know that the Catholic Church considers playing house to be sinful. The philosophy of his religious tenant's may be the same.

[Fr_Chuck]

Well first it is a matter that if you don't want to study religion with him, there is no reason you have to. So just don't.

As for the "sleeping together" well at this point it is sort of like closing a barn door after the cows are already out.
But what happens to many new and young christians they get too concerned with the law of God's word and do often forget about the forgivenss that makes them the Christian to start with.

In fact, at the time you had sex and starting living together, you became "one flesh" by the bibical law. And marriage 2000 years ago did not invovle getting a license from the government, the groom merely made an agreement with the brides family and would go and get the bride after a waiting period.

But worried about divorce? What is divoce beyond leaving each other, so are you saying you are not devoted to him, Are you planning on leaving ? Marriage is important to him, ( as it really should be, and should be to any couple before they move in together) And what is it to you, a piece of paper I will assume that only means it is harder to leave latter when you want to.
But with a child there is already court issues, child cusoty orders, child support and so on,

So my opinoiin, get married, at the courthouse, a private service with a pastor, does not have to be costly. In the Atlanta area, I do them free at the park or any where a person wants.

[Choux]

s,

You chose to get pregnant... now you have to grow up fast and do the best thing for the baby. That is get married!

Take lessons in child raising, take up good hobbies for a mother and make yourself happy and husband and child happy. :)

Best wishes in 2008,

[N0help4u]

You need to decide do you want to marry him or do you want to leave him and be an unwed mother? You say you are afraid of divorce but I think you have just as good or a better chance at him being faithful and not divorcing you than if you leave and end up marrying somebody else.
You say you aren't into his religion but have you really given it a chance?

[N0help4u]

We do have some religion boards here if you want to ask anything about his beliefs or religion in general. Maybe it will help you with thinking about studying with him.

[SkyGem]

hi- im 22 my boyfriend is 20 we have been together for almost 2 years and been living together for almost a year......we both had our problems when we got together (were young) but now he has done a 180 and very religious im not knocking this at all i think its great but i have changed just not religiously i want to but always find some reason not to study with him or to learn....i just recently found out i was pregnant im now 14 weeks and now he is wanting to jump in to a marriage which i feel is the right thing to do but im scared of divorce....but now that im pregnant he decieds to sleep on the couch and that its all a sin to live together sleep together and for me to be pregnant and unwed....i take this hard because i am pregnant and emotioal i know what the right thing it and what to do and i love him with all my heart but i just feeling like we would only be getting married because of the baby...what do i do any help please???

Dear stephann04, You have to consider the fact that you are pregnant as a Gift from God because only God can give life to another human being. The fact that your guy wants to marry you should be every girl's dream, especially when they find themselves in a situation such as yours. You must also consider the proposal to marry, another gift from God. God does not want for your child to grow up without a legal father since marriage is an institution that is not entered into lightly. What I am hearing is that he LOVES you enough to marry you but thoughts that are not becoming to you are entering your mind to find excuses to thwart that wonderful opportunity that God has opened up for you. Remember, it takes two, not just your wants and desires but his as the father. And giving him the ultimate gift of a baby along with marriage would make him the happiest man in the world and could restore your intimacy by leaps and bounds!

And if you think you would be getting married only because of the baby, just think how many "babies" out there that are now grown up or have grown up a little to realize that their parents married because of their Love for them there are. That means so much to a growing child! And you must consider the feelings of your baby also. You must also consider what if he did not want to marry you as so oftimes happens but instead leave you! How do you think you would feel then in your condition! So, embrace the gift God is offering to you now and seriously consider doing that which is right in God's eyes as well as yours and his. May you have a Wonderful, Healthy baby that can grow up to honor their father and mother for giving him or her a great home and most of all, the Love that comes only to a couple that has been BLESSED by God.

[talaniman]

he is wanting to jump in to a marriage which I feel is the right thing to do but I'm scared of divorce...

Overcome your fear by making a decision, based on facts, and not just feelings.
Fear can either warn you of harm, or
Fear can stop you from doing the right thing.
Which is it in your case?

Hi- I'm 22 my boyfriend is 20 we have been together for almost 2 years and been living together for almost a year...

My story is much the same as yours, and after living together, and she was pregnant, we decided to get married. That was more than 30 years ago, so it can work, if you work on it.

[De Maria]

hi- I'm 22 my boyfriend is 20 we have been together for almost 2 years and been living together for almost a year... we both had our problems when we got together (were young) but now he has done a 180 and very religious I'm not knocking this at all I think its great but I have changed just not religiously I want to but always find some reason not to study with him or to learn...

Nows the time to start. Don't let Satan hold you back. Get in there with your husband and study.

.I just recently found out I was pregnant I'm now 14 weeks and now he is wanting to jump in to a marriage which I feel is the right thing to do but I'm scared of divorce...

Scared of divorce?

You can be divorced whether you are married or not. And you will be just as devastated whether you are married or not.

Like it or not, he's already your husband and you're already his wife. Have you ever heard of Common Law?

So marry your husband in the Church and give yourselves and your children the added benefit of God's grace flowing through to your family.

but now that I'm pregnant he decieds to sleep on the couch and that its all a sin to live together sleep together and for me to be pregnant and unwed...

Sounds as though he's made a profound conversion. You don't know what a sacrifice he is making for you and for God in doing so. At his age, sex is usually overpowering for a young man.

I take this hard because I am pregnant and emotioal I know what the right thing it and what to do and I love him with all my heart but I just feeling like we would only be getting married because of the baby... what do I do any help please??

There is no better reason than a baby in order to get married. Don't you know that that child is a living representation of your love one for the other? That child is also a living representation of God's love for you and your husband. When you get married you will officially recognize God's relationship to you in your new family.

Get married. And start praying with your husband right now. Remember, the family that prays together, stays together.

Congratulations!! May God bless you and your family!!

Sincerely,

De Maria

[KimberlyB]

I think that you should get married only if you love him. I am a christian and I love God. But I also believe that God wants what is best for you. Get married to make better life for yourself, your boyfriend, and your child. Not just for the later. I also believe that no one gets pregnant unless God wants you to be.

[tawnynkids]

Common law marriage is recognized only in the following states:

Alabama
Colorado
District of Columbia
Georgia (if created before 1/1/97)
Idaho (if created before 1/1/96)
Iowa
Kansas
Montana
New Hampshire (for inheritance purposes only)
Ohio (if created before 10/10/91)
Oklahoma
Pennsylvania (if created before 1/1/05)
Rhode Island
South Carolina
Texas
Utah

Furthermore, contrary to popular belief, a common law marriage is not created when two people simply live together for a certain number of years. In order to have a valid common law marriage, the couple must do all of the following:

* live together for a significant period (not defined in any state)
* hold themselves out as a married couple -- typically this means using the same last name, referring to the other as "my husband" or "my wife," and filing a joint tax return, and
* intend to be married.

It is not biblical to declare a couple that has had sexual intercourse, but has not observed any of the other aspects of a marriage covenant, as being married. Scriptures such as 1 Corinthians 7:2 indicate that sex before marriage is immorality. If sexual intercourse causes a couple to become married, it could not be considered immoral, as the couple would be considered married the moment they engaged in sexual intercourse. There is absolutely no biblical basis for an unmarried couple having sex to then declare themselves to be married, and thereby declaring future sexual relations to be moral and God-honoring.

So, what constitutes marriage in God's eyes? It would seem that the following principles should be followed. (1) As long as the requirements are reasonable and not against the Bible, a couple should seek whatever formal governmental recognition that is available. (2) A couple should follow whatever cultural and familial practices are typically employed to recognize a couple as “officially married.” (3) If possible, a couple should consummate the marriage, fulfilling the physical aspect of the “one flesh” principle.

Both of these put better than I could and courtesy of nolo.com, Common Law Marriage and gotquestions.org.

[Credendovidis]

Dear Stephanny

First of all : there are here three different issues :
1 - You are pregnant.
2 - You are both having different religious views.
3 - You are not married.

Points of consideration :
- Being pregnant is a physical condition, unrelated to religious views and/or if you two are married.
- You boyfriend suddenly changing 180 degrees in religious views is not really a positive thing.
- Being married is not a requirement to happiness and welbeing.

Marriage or fixed partnership is indeed good in view of your pregnancy. But a marriage should not be based on your pregnancy, but on your needs, your wishes, your preferences, and your need to be together as a couple.

Your boyfriend's sudden change in religious views is not a good indication of mental stability. His sudden changed sleeping behaviour only supports that view.

If you marry him or not should depend on what you both want for yourself together.
If you have serious doubts about what you want together and/or feel about each other, than don't do it (at least not now).
The new life within you does not require a piece of paper that states that you two are married. A child needs loving parents. Loving the child, and loving each other.

What you need at this moment is psychological help for the two of you.
Discuss this with a professional, preferably not a priest of vicar, but if possible a psychologist or shrink. This specially in view of your friend's changed position and wishes.

Good luck to both of you !

Ciao !

[RustyFairmount]

God hates those who don't know how to use commas in their writing.

OK. Just kidding. But wow was your question tough to read.

Simply put: Two wrongs done make a right. Getting married because you think you're supposed to is just not right. Marry him if you LOVE him and want to be with him for the rest of your lives. God will love the baby regardless of how he/she was conceived. I'd be willing to be that the dad will also love the baby unconditionally. The baby and your marriage are two separate topics. Please don't confuse the two.

Your #1 priority is to your child. I personally believe that God will reward you for making choices that benefit your baby.