Check out some similar questions!

starlite1 · Jun 23, 2008, 08:38 AM

Hi BigBird,

Alty has an excellent idea. Print out that conversation, and when you are feeling down about your ex, read it over and you will I'm sure feel better about things. I am glad that you are feeling better. You are doing great, and you are so great to us!! You always are there for us, and it means so much. Please know that we are here for you too :-)

bigbird213 · Jun 23, 2008, 08:38 AM

Originally Posted by Altenweg

Not much further to go, I'd venture to say that you've already covered more ground than you have left to cover.:)

Thanks, that's encouraging. Sometimes when your down, you lose sight of the end and that can be worse than feeling down in the first place.

Alty · Jun 23, 2008, 09:01 AM

The end is in sight, it really is, just remember not to rush to the end, you might trip and fall. Slow and steady wins the race. :)

bigbird213 · Jun 28, 2008, 09:17 AM

Hi all,

Been a while since I have updated on my situation so here goes:

Not much has changed. I have been getting along, feeling a little better day by day I suppose. I don't feel the improvements anymore, I just don't really have huge down times. I still think about her a LOT every day, but a lot of the time it isn't sad/depressing thoughts. Many times I miss her, other times I wonder what she is doing... but all in all I guess I'm feeling better...

One good sign (I think) is that I have been quite focused on meeting new people and I'm anxious to try to date/hang out with some new girls. I'm working on a few issues that are giving me problems in that department, but it should be happening soon - I hope. It's a little discouraging to have it not happen. I don't want to become desperate, so I go out and have fun and try to keep people entertained/laughing/having fun without putting any pressure on myself to get anywhere with anyone, but sometimes I wonder if I need a little pressure to make something happen.

I guess time will tell... I'm really starting to hate that phrase :)

talaniman · Jun 28, 2008, 10:39 AM

Time goes by much faster when your having fun. If you read my posts you will get the idea that FUN, and enjoying yourself, and others is a very important part of my life. If you take nothing else I say seriously, having fun is the basis for being here.

bigbird213 · Jul 4, 2008, 08:38 AM

Just got back from a 4 day road trip with my friend. It was pretty good as every time I started to think about her, I was with the right guy to make me forget all about it. It was a lot of fun.

I'm still thinking about her a lot, which bothers me a little bit, but I haven't had any hiccups lately, and I hope to keep it that way. I'm still working on going out and meeting new girls as I think that will help me a little bit, just the attention I guess... It was tough because some of the music I kept hearing was reminding me of her, but I was able to push it out of my mind within a few minutes.

I have convinced myself that she has a new boyfriend and isn't thinking about me anymore, and I don't really know why, but I have become numb to it. It's a little stupid since I have no proof or any indication that this is true, but I guess I prepared myself for the worst? Perhaps I just don't care anymore? Who knows.

I'm hoping today isn't rough since it's the fourth of July and was a day we always used to go to a family party of hers. I sucks thinking about her going with some other guy but who knows what she is doing - not my problem, I'll try to keep it out of my mind.

Thanks for listening

bigbird213 · Jul 8, 2008, 07:31 AM

Found myself thinking about being friends with my ex again yesterday. The good news - I was very close to indifferent about it. I guess that's progress.. :)

The only memory that still bugs me hit me a few minutes ago: her asking about remaining friends with me and when I said no, the sound of her voice and her choking back tears hurt me pretty badly. It still tugs at me now, which I don't understand, but I hate to think that I'm causing her pain. I would hope she wouldn't hold that against me.

jpm247 · Jul 8, 2008, 02:53 PM

I'm sure she wouldn't BB. There's no way you could be friends until you have fully healed my man.

If I were you, id put BB at the front of your mind and in the driving seat, and try and minimise any thoughts of your ex, in particular her feeling bad when you said no to her friend request.

She shouldn't expect you to just be able to turn your feelings to friendship from a relationship.

Keep following your path. Good things will come your way I know that for sure. You'll be friends when your ready and if you want to, whenever that may be.

Keep up the good work

JPM

bigbird213 · Jul 23, 2008, 05:32 AM

Wow,

So its been a few weeks since I have been back on this post, I figured maybe its time for an update?

Not sure how much there is to report, just keeping on keeping on I suppose. Working every day, keeping busy after work and going to work the next day more tired than the day before. I'm having fun, which helps, and I'm going to be very busy this coming weekend -- being in my friend's wedding and all...

Still meeting new people and working on being more outgoing and conversational, but I've gotten myself to stop worrying about finding a "random hook up" or whatever you might like to call it. Sure it might be tempting, but forcing something like that can only end poorly.

If anyone's following, there are few things that still upset me about the breakup. The first just surfaced recently and I have been re-examining mistakes I made and things I could have done better which makes me feel a little down, but I just remind myself that its all in the past, and we both made mistakes. No matter what your talking about in life, there are few times when you can look back and not see an improvement you could have made.

I hope if anyone has been following this from beginning to end that the progress that I feel I have made is evident in the postings I have been making...

Romefalls19 · Jul 23, 2008, 05:45 AM

I am chalked filled with quotes today, "we cannot rewrite the pages of history, but we can write the ones of the future" Don't worry about the past, it is dead and gone. You can sit here for DAYS on DAYS thinking of what you could have done better, but it won't change the facts and won't help you know. You know your flaws, you will find someone who compliments those flaws and accepts them.

You have definitely made a lot of progress from your first post until this one. You should be very proud as I know we are.

talaniman · Jul 23, 2008, 06:07 AM

Ditto, and as I am known to do, give you this to think about, a mistake in one relationship, maybe a deal closer, in another. The lesson is be realistic about your choices, and decisions, and stand by them, putting yourself first. So making good decisions, based on facts, and not just feelings, for yourself, is the whole goal, of the growing experience.

WELL KEPT SECRET: You will be growing, and learning until you die, unless you choose not to.

bigbird213 · Jul 23, 2008, 06:14 AM

Thanks guys - it sucks to have regrets but I can't be hung up on them. I've made mistakes just as she has, so I won't blame myself. Learn from my mistakes and move on knowing that I am a stronger and better person.

ISneezeFunny · Jul 23, 2008, 06:33 AM

That's what nc's all about, right? To look back, reflect on those mistakes, so you don't make them in your new relationships.

This is why people who "rebound" usually never fix things... they never realize their mistakes.

plonak · Jul 23, 2008, 11:34 AM

I agreem rebounding is the worst thing to do.. the last thing I want to do is go on a boring date with dude.. ugg

bigbird213 · Aug 1, 2008, 11:40 AM

Hey all,

Been a long time since I posted an update, so I figured I'd write a little about what's going on...

First off, lately I have been feeling great. I have been keeping busy, working, going out almost every day after work, and going to the gym every day religiously. When the weekends come, I make sure I'm busy all weekend. Have been meeting new people (mostly friends of friends) and being more outgoing and just trying to have fun without worrying about what people think of me. Its easier to have a good time, and make others have a good time, when your not worried about someone laughing at you or thinking you're an idiot...

Currently, myself esteem is higher than it has been as far back as I can remember. I'm sure going to the gym has helped a lot with this, along with meeting people and just trying to have fun. Since the beginning of the summer, I have lost about 15-20 pounds and am much stronger than I was before.

The self-esteem is one of the biggest things I have noticed. It is much easier to not be shy and to not care what other people are thinking about you if you are confident in yourself. Just last week I was told by my friend's girlfriend that a girl that I think is attractive "might like me" (whatever that means). Aside from that, with my friend one night, two girls told me that I reminded them of someone they knew from high school that I didn't know. I asked if it was a bad thing, and they said "No, he's cute". Honestly, it was the first time I felt good about the way I look in a while.

Sorry to drag out the story, but I wanted to post an update on how I am feeling... I hope that anyone following this can see there is a light at the end of the tunnel and not give up hope and just push through it.

(This might be the first post I have written in this entire story which was entirely positive and didn't mention my ex (that doesn't count :)) :D)

plonak · Aug 1, 2008, 11:44 AM

Great to hear bigbird!! I'm so glad for you! It really does help to know there is light at the end.. I know I will get there eventually

tolerance · Aug 1, 2008, 12:39 PM

It is great that the outcome of it all is you with better self-esteem. Secondly, you no caring about what others think. Having confience is so good. Keep working on your positives and continue to grow.

Romefalls19 · Aug 1, 2008, 12:43 PM

BB, see! A few months ago, you would never have thought feeling the way you do was possible! I am very happy for you that you have decided to go the positive route and make new friends and be more outgoing! Congrats!

bigbird213 · Aug 1, 2008, 08:14 PM

Thanks guys,

Rome - A lot of those things were things that I had wanted to do for a long time, and I guess the breakup was just enough motivation to get me moving again. Sometimes changing yourself is hard when you are with someone, since they might not really like the changes your thinking about.

I know I have come a long way, probably have a little further to go, but there isn't anything I'm afraid to do anymore. I still haven't seen and/or talked to her since the breakup, but I think if I did I would be able to say hi, talk briefly, smile, and walk away unaffected. Hell, she might even get a hug out of it...

bigbird213 · Aug 16, 2008, 08:34 AM

Hey everyone...

So its been 3.5ish months out of 4 years.. I think I might have hit the tripe digits in days now, who knows :p I don't know when the last contact we had was, and I'm not searching my inbox for the email...

As far as the ex goes: I like to think that I am doing really well. I don't wake up thinking about her and upset anymore. I don't really have very many down moments at all - I just keep busy and am happy being single at this time. Something happened last night which bothered me though - it made me think of the other times its happened...

Her name was brought up in conversation about being somewhere that I might go. Now, I don't have a problem talking about her or the breakup or anything, but for some reason when I hear about her, my heart jumps a little bit. I get nervous/anxious I suppose... and (obviously) I think about her a little bit... Is this normal after this long?

The exact situation is this: There is a concert next week which my friends want me to go to. I found out from one friend that my ex is going with his sister (they were friends before we were dating). I don't even know if she will be around my friends and I or not. So I'm a bit confused as I don't want it to seem like I'm scared of seeing her and not going because of that, but for some reason I am a little nervous. Sometimes does it take seeing the ex again to actually help me realize that I'm further than I thought, or am I better safe than sorry??