[bigbird213]

haha..bigbird, i know. The first 11 days of NC or so were easy. The past 2 days have been a little tougher but I'm no where near a sobbing mess or anything. Just starting to miss him a little more. I figure if I can get through the first 2 weeks, I can get through the next 2 weeks.

Yeah, 2 nights in a row with dreams of me and my ex together like we used to be. Just miss seeing his face. But whatever, I'll just look in the mirror. My face is better!! haha

Amen

[bigbird213]

Hi all,

Things are still dragging a bit but I'm hanging in there. I've been missing her a bit more lately, though it hasn't been devastating, I'm just a little down.

Last night was a rough night because I had a dream that she was seeing someone else. Well, this dream woke me up and it was all I could think about, so all my dreams thereafter were about the same thing. I finally got sick of it and got out of bed, so here I am. Still trying to get those thoughts out of my head -- I know it was just a dream and meant nothing but still.

It's been tough not to check her messenger status but I'm not letting myself. I don't want to know. I did have to write her an email as she bought me something for my birthday which was linked to a credit card and I switched it over to my account, but the payment for this month was charged to her. I'm trying to contact her so I can pay her back - was that a bad mood? I can't just expect her to pay the $50 for me.

On a lighter note I'll be home tomorrow for the summer. I'm looking forward to that because the lack of things to do at school and the constant sitting in my room is really starting to wear me down -- it's a bunch more time for me to sit and think about her.

I'm going to try to listen to some music now because these images of her with someone else are going to break me...

[losingit77]

I know how you feel. Its starting to get harder now but it'll pass... hopefully.

Yeah, I get fleeting moments of wondering what he's doing and who he's doing it with, but whatever. Nothing they do now has anything to do with us or is any reflection on us. Seriously, it isn't! They'll never find anyone better than us.. so whatever. Their loss!

As for the $50, if you've already contacted her, oh well. Just don't aggressively try to get it resolved. She can suck up the extra $50 if she has to. $50 is the least she could do for you.

NC is awesome. Its really helping. Day 15, yay! Anytime I think of calling him I just remember he's not part of my life anymore. Oh well, I have many other people in my life I can turn to. And the last thing I want him to think is that I'm sitting here thinking about him (even if I am)...

[ISneezeFunny]

It's those hard moments that you need to find something productive to do. Watch a show, a movie, listen to music, read a book, or just come here and vent... someone'll be here.

As far as paying her... I agree with losingit. If you've contacted her, and she wants nothing to do with it, then forget it. She'll contact you if she wants it.

[bigbird213]

Yeah, I sent the email. If she responds then great. If not, I won't track her down for it. I just know that money was tight for her last I knew and I'd hate for her to be sitting there saying "That cheap b@stard, stealing my money." :)

losingit I agree about the NC. It definitely helps a lot. I no longer expect to get phone calls and I don't check my phone anymore - I just miss her sometimes still. I'm not in denial or holding onto hope, I'm just a little bummed.

Sneezy I do find things to keep me busy. I have been listening to music and writing a post on the main page. I find writing that kind of stuff out is helpful to straighten out my own thoughts. I feel much better after posting it. Sometimes though, I read some posts which make me question if I could have done things better in my relationship... anyone else ever have that happen?

--EDIT--

Just got an email back. She's basically saying don't worry about the money and enjoy the gift. If it really bothers me I can pay her when I'm home for the summer.
I'm not counting that breaking NC. Sorry if I'm cheating :)

[bigbird213]

Hello all,

I hope everyone is doing well..

I'm feeling pretty good today, getting some constructive work done around the house. Unpacking from school, doing a little yard work, etc, etc...

After reading a few of other threads on here, my mind has started to bug me. I see these other people who have recently broken up and they have dates scheduled and are seeing people pretty much right away. It starts to worry me because I feel like I haven't done that yet and I don't really see myself doing that. Its not that I don't want to, I just never really have before and I'm afraid that it isn't going to happen...

I guess it might be partly because all my friends are in school for another week or so and I don't have much to do at this point. Maybe once more people are home I'll find more things to do and more opportunities to meet people...

I really want to be more outgoing and meet more people - just broaden my horizons, you know?

Am I just making a bigger deal out of something that isn't?

[talaniman]

While emulating others is a great way to learn, it may not be the way you learn. I think you have made a direction of change, you want to go in, and take some thought into how to go about it. Of course, I have a good suggestion, how kind of you to ask. When out and about, make an effort to look people in the eye, and say hello, how are you, nice day. After a week, you will be engaging everybody. It will absolutely freak you out, with how people are drawn to confident happy people.

[bigbird213]

Well I broke down and did it.

I forced myself to stay off Facebook in general for the last 2 and a half weeks and this morning I went on. I saw the picture of my ex up there and the last things which she had written to me, about a month ago. Thing is -- it didn't bother me! It was more of an "yeah...oh well" reaction then I just signed off. I guess that's +1 for me getting better :)

And Tal, yesterday I ran a few errands and I realized that I generally do try to talk to a lot of people if possible if I have to interact with them. What I don't do is talk to people I'm not really interacting with. For example the people in line in front of me, the person I hold the door open for, etc... Those are my next targets :)

[bigbird213]

An update - might be a little long, bear with me...

Last night I went out to a party. Not anyone from my usual group, but I figured it would be a good place to meet people. So I go there and fast forward to the end of the night I ended up kissing a 'friend' (one of my best friend's sister) when she gave me a hug at the end of the night. Not really sure why I did it. Either way, it was awkward and we both knew it.

She sent me a message later that night saying "What was that kiss supposed to mean". I pretty much let it go until this morning, I sent her a text saying I was sorry for last night. She pretty much laughed it off and agreed it was awkward. I guess that situation is solved? Still feel weird about it, but its done and over with now.

That whole incident kind of put me in a bad mood though. I think I was putting too much pressure on myself because I sometimes feel like I won't ever get involved with anyone again - almost like I'm forcing it.

That got me thinking about my ex and if she has moved on, if she's seeing anyone, how quickly they're moving along (and my mind loves to draw up graphic scenes which don't help). I guess I was scared that she would move on and I'd be left behind, so I sort of forced myself to do something.

Now don't get me wrong, I don't want anything to do with this girl, she's my best friend's sister - she's just kind of cool (sometimes).

Its just funny how I thought something like that would be a great confidence boost for me and it turned out to do pretty much the opposite. Sucks missing my ex, hopefully the feeling won't stick around long.

[losingit77]

I know who you feel. Every date I go on I think, agh, is this it? This doensn't feel the same as with my ex.

But I just remind myself that it's not a race. One day we'll meet someone we feel that way about again. Its just going to take time. And remember, relationships don't start in an instant. It takes time and getting to know someone.

[talaniman]

Amazing how small incidents we should just pass over, have us thinking way to deeply, and can be mood changers or let downs. It will pass, don't worry. I think it's a good gage where your at in your healing though. Even happy healthy people have bad days. Its just the outlook and attitude that is different.

[bigbird213]

Thanks tal and losingit.

I think it is a good sign since I was able to pick myself up after being bummed for an hour or so. Not a week like it could have been :)

Either way, my buds are home this weekend and there's a BBQ going on in about an hour. That should keep my occupied for the rest of the day.

Here's to summer!

[mattyamaha_27]

I am feeling a lot of the same ways you are. I get the left behind feeling, have had the same type of dreams you are having. I want to call her and just see what she is doing, but she could probbalby care less about what I am doing.

[bigbird213]

Just a quick update as its really late.

Spent all day at my buddy's house for the BBQ. It was a good time. As the day wore on, the party kind of dwindled and two of my friends and I went to this girls house to watch a movie and hang out. Was out much later then I have been in a while. Nothing happened with the girls but its just nice to get out and meet new people. Seems like the more you do it, the easier it gets. This summer is looking up for me - can't wait to keep meeting new people.

Good night!

[bigbird213]

Started my job today :)

I have been thinking of her less and less and the times I spend thinking about her are more of reflections on what happened and not so much missing her or being sad. I'm starting to really feel like I'm moving forward. Today will be the third day in a row that I'm going out and doing things with friends that I wasn't so close to before. Hopefully I'll be a little closer with them as they are usually going out and meeting people - a crowd I would like to be involved with.

And Tal, the last few days have been great for meeting people. Today at the orientation for my job I felt great. I walked in and started conversations and it is amazing how much of a weight that can lift off your shoulders. I was nervous walking in, then once I sat down and introduced myself to a few people, people started talking to me. It's great. Makes me wonder why I ever had a fear of being snubbed by someone for saying hi. Now I might still be a little nervous meeting women, but progress is progress -- it'll only get better.

[bigbird213]

Hey all,

Just an update to my situation so I can keep my thoughts together. Its been over a week since I've posted anything on here. There really isn't much to say. I'm still making progress day by day, sometimes it slower than others. I don't think I spent one night home last week, constantly going out playing some sort of sport or going to dinner with my friends.

I still think I have a problem with putting too much pressure on myself to meet more women. I have met a few that I didn't know before, but I haven't really talked to any of them since we met. As long as I'm meeting new people and have stuff to do I don't mind...

I think the reason I put pressure on myself is I want to see that I can catch the attention of another female, just to see if I 'still have it' so to say (funny because I started dating my g/f when I was 16, so I never really 'had' anything :))

I guess we'll see where the summer takes me..

Hope everyone is doing well.

[talaniman]

I don't think I spent one night home last week, constantly going out playings some sort of sport of going to dinner with my friends.

I did the same thing many decades ago, and it works.

[jpm247]

I have the same thoughts now and again BB. I've just told myself to not put pressure on myself to find someone else. Seems the majority of my mates are in relationships but that's how the cycle is working at the moment. I'm quite happy on my own, getting my stuff together mentally and physically. Go to a jive class on a Tuesday, which is great fun, but not too many younger girls there. Then I tell myself to not let my mood be dictated by the possibility of meeting someone, just smile have a good time and good things will happen in time.

Don't fret about meeting someone else. I guess most of the girls I see/meet don't really do anything for me at the moment. Sure in time ill get my interest levels back up.

It's a long road, but staying busy is the key, keep doing it.

[bigbird213]

Hey guys,

I think I know the answer I'm going to get to this, but I'll ask it anyway.

If you remember, a month or so ago there was an email about a bill that got billed to my ex's CC and I asked her what I should do about paying for it. She told me that its not really a big deal, but I could pay her when I got paid for work during the summer if I wanted to. She said "You can let me know and we can meet somewhere, or you can mail it to me."

Well, meeting up is out of the question. I don't want to feel like a jerk for making her foot the bill though. I don't mind mailing her a check, but I'm worried it might be the impetus she needs to start communication -- and I Don't want that. I have no idea how she is feeling: sad, happy, angry, lonely... who knows? But in any case, I don't want to give her a reason, or excuse, to contact me ("Hey I got your check, just letting you know.").

Any suggestions?

[jpm247]

I'd say that sending a cheque would be OK. She has no reason to start contact from that, and even if she says ' I got the cheque thanks' that's it. No need for you start replying etc, especially if you don't want too.

Treat as just a cheque, and then continue NC and doing great, which it seems you are.