[angel1964]

My boyfriends ex has repeatedly slandered me. I have not seen my boyfriends son in almost a year. He is not allowed to be near me because I said to him one day to go get his back pack and he said his mother said it was an overnight bag. I said yes it can be but did you ever use it as a back pack and I showed him how to use it and he went home and told his mother I didn't agree with her and she went to court and her lawyer said that I yelled at him for it. She then proceeded the next time in court to tell the court and her lawyer that I said she was a bad mother. I did say that to her not to her son. So she told her son I said that. Then the next time in court she said I drink smoke and swear in front of her son and I do none of that. She does not want me around her son because she is jealous.She told her lawyer that her son was going to run away if he had to see me. The issue is is that me and her son had a great relationship and he slept at our house and we baked together and played games together and wathced TV together and then she quit her job and wanted him under her thumb 24-7. So he is not allowed at my house until the divorce is final. She has made me out to be a monster and I want her to retract everything she has said to her lawyer and in court and on paper. If I file a slander suit can I make her pay for lawyer fees court costs and loss of wages from work? Also the first time she came in my house she went in my bathroom and went through all my cabinets and stole hair from our hairbrushes to have her cop boyfriend do a drug test on them. I guess she didn't get what she was looking for because she never brought that up in court. MMMMM maybe because we don't do drugs. My boyfriends brother was the one who told us she stole the hair. And her boyfriend is the deputy chief of police of the town I live in. I want her to retract everything she has said so my boyfriend is able to bring his son to our house and we can reestablish our relationship. She has damaged this child so bad. We are trying to start a family and she just doesn't want her son to like anyone but her. Her son who by the way is 11 called his father one day and said "dad I am not going to see you until you learn how to respect mom and me". I was floored. She tells this child everythign that is going on and she shows him court papers. It was ordered in court that neither parent talk about anything to this child. He can't be within ear shot. Well my boyfriend has 2 contempt charges filed against her already for it. I need some help fast.

[JudyKayTee]

My boyfriends ex has repeatedly slandered me. I have not seen my boyfriends son in almost a year. He is not allowed to be near me because I said to him one day to go get his back pack and he said his mother said it was an overnight bag. I said yes it can be but did you ever use it as a back pack and I showed him how to use it and he went home and told his mother I didnt agree with her and she went to court and her lawyer said that i yelled at him for it. She then proceeded the next time in court to tell the court and her lawyer that I said she was a bad mother. I did say that to her not to her son. So she told her son I said that. Then the next tiem in court she said i drink smoke and swear in front of her son and I do none of that. She does not want me around her son becasue she is jealous.She told her lawyer that her son was going to run away if he had to see me. The issue is is that me and her son had a great relationship and he slept at our house and we baked together and played games together and wathced tv together and then she quit her job and wanted him under her thumb 24-7. So he is not allowed at my house until the divorce is final. She has made me out to be a monster and i want her to retract everything she has said to her lawyer and in court and on paper. If i file a slander suit can i make her pay for lawyer fees court costs and loss of wages from work? Also the first time she came in my house she went in my bathroom and went through all my cabinets and stole hair from our hairbrushes to have her cop boyfriend do a drug test on them. I guess she didnt get what she ws looking for because she never brought that up in court. MMMMM maybe becasue we dont do drugs. My boyfriends brother was the one who told us she stole the hair. And her boyfriend is the deputy cheif of police of the town I live in. I want her to retract everything she has said so my boyfriend is able to bring his son to our house and we can reestablish our relationship. She has damaged this child so bad. We are trying to start a family and she just doesnt want her son to like anyone but her. Her son who by the way is 11 called his father one day and said "dad I am not going to see you until you learn how to respect mom and me". I was floored. She tells this child everythign that is going on and she shows him court papers. It was ordered in court that neither parent talk about anything to this child. He can't be within ear shot. Well my boyfriend has 2 contempt charges filed against her already for it. I need some help fast.

What is said in Court is privileged - you can't be sued over your testimony.

As far as the rest of this - if you have suffered economic loss or lost substantial standing in your community, yes, you can sue but I don't think this rises to that level.

I'm a skeptic but this seems like a lot of trouble over whether it's a backpack or an overnight bag - are you sure there is nothing else going on here?

None of the visitation and what is said to the child involves you, unfortunately - you have no legal standing. It is up to your boyfriend to take her back into Court on contempt.

[lawanwadee]

No, you can't sue her... let your boyfriend take care of this matter. It's his son NOT yours.

I'd rather hear the other side of the story.

[angel1964]

And what other side of the story would you like to ehar. She cheated on her husband for 11 yrs. He moved out and she filed for divorce after she qwuit her job and didn't have another one, then decided after 20 yrs she was going to have a hysterectomy and now she had it done 9 months ago and claims she can't work. And the reason she says she can't work is for reasons she hd 20 yrs ago. She takes all but $100.00 of his check each week because she had 3 different doctors sign notes saying she can't work. She is a whore and she is lazy. She is a manipuliator and she wants total control over his son. She is very jealous of me because I had a good relationship with her son and she doesn't want him to like me at all.Last yr when she was working she was a waitress and she would come home at 4.00 and 5.00 in the morning and make her 11 yr old son get out of bed so she could sleep with him.. She also home schools this child which is really bad for him since she is so controlling. He is never without her and that is not good or healthy. That's is the other side of the story. She should be charged with mental child abuse. And believe me my boyfriend has 3 contempt charges against her already and he is working on another one.

[JudyKayTee]

And what other side of the story would you like to ehar. she cheated on her husband for 11 yrs. he moved out and she filed for divorce after she qwuit her job and didnt have another one, then decided after 20 yrs she was going to have a hysterectomy and now she had it done 9 months ago and claims she can't work. and the reason she says she can't work is for reasons she hd 20 yrs ago. she takes all but $100.00 of his check each week becasue she had 3 different doctors sign notes saying she can't work. she is a whore and she is lazy. she is a manipuliator and she wants total control over his son. she is very jealous of me because I had a good relationship with her son and she doesnt want him to like me at all.Last yr when she was working she was a waitress and she would come home at 4.00 and 5.00 in the morning and make her 11 yr old son get out of bed so she could sleep with him.. She also home schools this child which is really bad for him since she is so controlling. He is never without her and that is not good or healthy. Thats is the other side of the story. She should be charged with mental child abuse. and believe me my boyfriend has 3 contempt charges against her already and he is working on another one.

I don't understand why having a hysterectomy after 20 years of problems is some sort of indicator of something - I don't understand the whole scenario. It seems that you are saying she can't work for the same reasons she had 20 years ago - she had the hysterectomy 20 years ago or 9 months ago?

If she is not capable of home schooling the child contact the local School Board - the child still has to pass the necessary exams - and ask them to investigate. If there is something abusive or sexual about her sleeping with the 11 year old, call Child Protective Services.

Your boyfriend put up with this behavior - cheating and she's a whore, your words - for 11 years and now he's got you checking into what to do next? She's his problem and he needs to grow some body parts and address this himself.

As long as you are the girlfriend you have no say whatsoever. If you were the stepmother you would have some very limited say in things.

Is he paying her support or is he paying child support? Everything but $100 a week seems excessive unless he is paying on back support. What State?

This is another one that I never understand - 2 women, 1 man - and the woman hate each other because woman #1 "abused" the man, he told woman #2 all about it - and never had the spine to handle it himself.

He must be either a very good catch or the only man in town. I don't know which.

[angel1964]

I never learn my lesson about posting on these web sites. You can never get the whole story out because it is so long and involved and everyone assumes the worst. So I will end this right now and tell all of you to kiss my . Thanks for all the positive feedback and go to hell

[JudyKayTee]

I never learn my lesson about posting on these web sites. You can never get the whole story out becasue it is so long and involved and everyone assumes the worst. So I will end this right now and tell all of you to kiss my . Thanks for all the positive feedback and go to hell

And that's the other side of the story.

[Handyman2007]

I think we have finally discovered a mind set here. Geez!!

[JudyKayTee]

I think we have finally discovered a mind set here. Geez!!!!!!!!!

- as well as the reason the ex doesn't want the 11 year old exposed to any of this. Kind of sad that it's easier to make accusations than make a complaint and prove the accusations.

Poor kid.

[1234AAA]

I was disgusted with the responses to this post. How ignorant for people to think that she needed to be told that those aren't her children. Duh! That's not advice, it is pointing out the obvious, which could be better left unsaid.

I saw a post here once where the OP was criticized, critiqued, and chewed a new ash just for caring about her husband's children. Why do people freak out when a girlfriend or a stepmother asks a question about the ex or the children? You guys act like she committed some kind of a crime. Maybe those of you who responded have children, maybe you have been divorced, but have you ever really dealt with watching someone you love get destroyed by their own parent? Probably not. When you love someone it is difficult to just stand there and watch something terrible happen to them.

And you wonder why the OP became so angry?

I empathize with the OP. I know what she is going through, I have been there. My husband and I dealt with his ex-wife trying to make our life difficult for 10 years. She denied my husband visitation then she would accuse my husband of being an absent parent. Only a psychotic lunatic would do something like that! In the end, she only hurt herself and the children more. She harassed us because she was jealous of me. And to think, she was the one who destroyed the marriage by having an affair. Things were fine with his visitation until he met and married me. She became so jealous she used to call my husband and ask him to meet her in isolated areas to have sex. When he refused, she would tell him he wasn't going to see his children. He didn't go and have sex with her, and guess what, he didn't get to see his children. He took her to court dozens of times, and told them what she did, but nothing ever happened. My husband has a hard time standing up for himself, and unfortunately the ex knows this. She preys on his weaknesses and lies whenever it suits her to do so. A controlling ex will use these weaknesses to her advantage… and win! My husband's ex is on 3 different anti-depressant medications, she and her husband are both co-dependant alcoholics, she doesn't work, and she refuses to seek substance abuse or mental health counseling. Yet, the courts feel the children are better off in that type of environment. How sad the system is.

My husband's boys adore me, and even called me mom. The ex couldn't handle this, because obviously she isn't mature or mentally stable enough. She was mature enough to destroy their marriage while having an affair though, but not mature enough to watch her ex-husband and children enjoy life with another woman. What did she honestly think was going to happen? Was he supposed to sit there and wallow in his misery? That is obviously what she hoped for. Well, it didn't happen. The boys would go home after visits with us, all they would do is talk about me and how great I was and how much fun they had with their dad. She decided she couldn't handle the competition anymore. So she destroyed her own children instead?? Like I said, only a psychotic lunatic would do something like that. She eventually stopped trying to make life difficult for us. The children are the ones who suffered though. It is never good to alienate parents from their children, but then again, try telling that to the child's mother. The OP's boyfriends ex sounds mentally unstable. Therefore, I understand the OP's anger. As I said, I don't believe in parental alienation. However, I would suggest the OP and her boyfriend stop going over there, stop visiting, stop calling, stop fighting, just stop everything altogether. Maybe then the ex will change her tune. Maybe not. The boyfriend really isn't doing the child any good by trying to stay in contact. The mother is already contriving statements for the child to tell the boyfriend, in the end this will only hurt the child more, and the child will end up hating his mother for doing that. I agree with the OP, this should be considered child abuse.

I guess some men are just lucky enough to find women like us who will pick up the slack for them. I used to be that kind of woman but not anymore. The best advice I can give to the OP is just be patient. Suing her is not the answer. After all, your boyfriend created this mess, not you.

Best of luck to you both.

[JudyKayTee]

[QUOTE=1234AAA]I was disgusted with the responses to this post. How ignorant for people to think that she needed to be told that those aren’t her children. Duh! That’s not advice, it is pointing out the obvious, which could be better left unsaid.


Did you read through all the answers, all the advice, the posts asking for more information in order to give more specific and correct advice? Maybe you can explain the 20 years in pain/hysterectomy situation. I can't figure it out.

Right to the point - there is NO slander/libel/defamation of character lawsuit here. If anything the OP could be sued. That was the question. That was the answer - not from just me, from several people.

This is not a "I'm sympathetic because this happened to me" board - although many of us have been there and speak from experience. It's a legal board. OP asked for legal advice and got it. Unfortunately, that is not what she wanted to hear. She wants someone to parrot what she thinks/says and that is not going to happen if she is not correct by law.

Everyone's situation is different but I never allowed my stepchildren to call me Mom, never. They have a mother, she is still alive - I have no great love for her but I would never upset her in that fashion. And I would be upset if MY children called another woman Mom. No need to put a stake into her heart - in my case. No need at all.

Once again - 2 women, 1 man, women clawing at each other like cats, man doing who knows what. If MY husband's ex-wife had called and suggested that he meet her some dark place (or whatever) for sex her ears would still be ringing - and not because of me. Don't men have spines any more? Or isn't spine the correct body part I'm thinking of?

Please don't judge the regulars who try so hard to help based on your 18 posts.

[angel1964]

And for judykt's information there is no testing for home schooling. Home schoolers in Ct are not required to be tested. It should be like that but its not. He gets home schooled 2 hrs a day or night what ever suits his mother. That's not schooling. His father is pushing for the court to order him to go to regualr school.

[1234AAA]

Excon:

The OP sent me a private message thanking me for my help and understanding. So yes, my response was obviously received productively… by her, which is all that matters. Unfortunately the “regulars” here failed her in that respect. I wasn't being rude either; you haven't seen rude from me.

Ibelieveinu:

Thank you for realizing that a lot of these posters have HUGE egos, which sometimes gets in the way of good advice. You obviously did not miss the point here.

Judykaytee:

Nothing personal meant whatsoever! Simply a difference in opinion. I didn't like what I read on this particular thread, that is my problem. If others don't like what they read, well…

I have seen a lot of posters here who have hundreds if not thousands of posts, and not all them are good advisors either. Just because I don't reply often does not mean that somebody else's advice is better than mine, or better than someone with years of experience. It simply means they have more time on their hands.

I am communicating with the OP privately, therefore, I will reply no further to this particular thread. The overall tone of the subject matter has become rather hostile for me.

[angel1964]

Any positive feedback is always good. I am looking for help and I got it from one person. I did send them a private message thanking them for understanding and know what I am going through, Whether any of you realize this or not when start a relationship with someone and they have children it does become your issue too. You are trying to make a happy home for this child and be comfortable and do everything possible to make him uderstand he is loved and wanted and it is not his fault on our end and then to have his mother be a back satabber who manipulates him and uses him and mskes him lie and keeps secrets and try to have him hate his father and me because she is mad that she doesn't have control anymore except over the child for the time being is very hard. It was so nice to ehar that someone understood me and knew where I was coming from. Instead of telling me to mind my own business they gave me very good advice and it made me feel so good. A total stranger made me feel good about all this crap going on in my life. I could never thank them enough.

[angel1964]

Sorry about the spelling mistakes. My hands go than my mind

[Alty]

Angel, are you looking for legal advice or confirmation of your feelings?

Of course you thanked 1234AAA, he told you what you wanted to hear. That doesn't mean that his answer is accurate.

It's so frustrating when people post questions because they want people to respond with, "Oh so sorry, oh you are so right, you get them, etc. etc."

You posted your question under Law, you asked for legal advice, you got that advice from people who are very experienced in matters of the law. They needed more info, you acted immature, why? We can only base our advice on the information given, you were either unwilling or embarrassed to give everyone that info. You became defensive and angry, which sent up alarms.

If you are just looking for confirmation of your feelings than you are in the wrong place dear, we give advice, we don't sugar coat it.

Good Luck.

[angel1964]

Altenweg, I would love to know who is the true expert on here?? Judy kay gave me nothing Handyman gave nothing. I did ask for legal advice. And basically got people opinions. Show me your law credentials and then I will take your advice. I got a response from someone who has been there and knows what I am going through. It amazes me how much people love to see other people hurt or sad or in need of help. It totally disgusts me to be honest with you. I didn't act immature I acted like they wanted me to. Again I will say I should learn my lesson and stop posting on these bogus sights. Its all bull. So if I was in a different area of this web site you wouldn't be responding like this then correct?? And judykt is very knowlegdeable. She has no clue what she is talking about when she talks. The home schooling issue for one. If she was an EXPERT she would know that there is no testing for home schooled kids. They are just starting to require this in some states. So please don't insult me and say your all experts. Your not.

[JudyKayTee]

The movie will be called "Kiss My A.. And Go To H... Finds A Kindred Soul."

I know, another case of give me your legal opinion based on half on half of the facts and then I can argue with you.

[JudyKayTee]

Altenweg, I would love to know who is the true expert on here??? judy kay gave me nothing Handyman gave nothing. I did ask for legal advice. And basically got people opinions. Show me your law credentials and then i will take your advice. I got a response from someone who has been there and knows what I am going through. It amazes me how much people love to see other people hurt or sad or in need of help. It totaly disgusts me to be honest with you. I didnt act immature I acted like they wanted me to. Again I will say i should learn my lesson and stop posting on these bogus sights. Its all bull. So if i was in a different area of this web site you wouldnt be responding like this then correct????? and judykt is very knowlegdeable. She has no clue what she is talking about when she talks. The home schooling issue for one. If she was an EXPERT she would know that there is no testing for home schooled kids. They are just starting to require this in some states. So please dont insult me and say your all experts. Your not.

Speaking of "Can I sue for slander/libel/defamation" - have you read the guidelines?

And no one had any way of knowing you were in a State that doesn't test kids who are home schooled - that's another fact you left out.

Oh, well.

Perhaps the plug should be pulled on this thread.

[Alty]

I never said I was a legal expert, not once. I said that people who are experienced in the law gave you advice, based on the little info they received. I don't want to argue with you, you want to argue with me, and everyone else who doesn't agree with you. I'm sorry that you didn't get the advice your were looking for. If you want "real" legal advice from someone with a law degree then go to a lawyer. We all do this because we want to help people, if you don't like the advice then don't take it, it's free, and sometimes you get what you pay for.

Good Luck.