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Jade · Feb 14, 2006, 05:48 AM

Just want to ask your opinion on this... please advise

I have a male friend whom I considered as my bestfirend. Believe it or not I'm fifteen years older than him. We known each other for more than five years and that years of friendship is not always good. We have lots of arguments on certain issues but found ourselves friends again at the end. I never thought that I would find someone who thinks and dreams exactly like me. We have lots of things in common. Our common friend would even comment that we have the same attitude that's why we blend and fight at the same time. He is not involved to anyone but he has female friends and honestly sometimes I feel jealous and insecure in even over their text messages. We often see each other. We are in both line of profession. I'm very close to his family. We share each others problems and dreams. In every situation that I am in he is the very first person I would turn into and the same thing to him. Maybe you would think that I'm the one who's adjusting in this frienship... maybe at the start yes but throughout it's NOT. Everything came out so naturally. We're too comfortable to be with each other. My problem? I'm afraid to lose him. I even told him about this fear and told him that I know a day will come he will have a girlfriend and I hope that when this day comes I'm not around anymore. He would tell me that I don't need to re-marry (I'm separated with kids) that I'm raising my kids well (my kids and him are also close). I just want to prepare myself on what might happen in the future but as of this day he is not courting anyone (based on what I know) no tunless he's not telling me. I don't know can you please help me. I even told him that he is my soulmate. Do you believe in that? Would it be possible though we have age gap?

fredg · Feb 14, 2006, 08:21 AM

Hi, Jade,
Don't give up on your friend. Life is not always the way we want it to be, and Yes, in the future, things could change.
We don't know the future, and the best thing to do in the present, is to enjoy it. Age has no bounds in friendship.
My three best friends during my high school years, and college years, have since "parted ways", about 30 yrs ago. Things change.
Stick with your friend, and don't worry about the future.

CaptainForest · Feb 14, 2006, 12:24 PM

Yes you 2 could work out.

Age is just a number. If you 2 love each other, then it sounds like it can last. So why not try dating him?

Wildcat21 · Feb 14, 2006, 04:24 PM

You should never be needy or insecure about this.

You should also not share your fears with him - it can be a huge turnoff.

FEAR = FALSE, EMOTIONS, not, ACTUAL, REALITY!! Always.

He's allowed to have friends... if you don't trust him then you do not have a true friendship.

DrJ · Feb 14, 2006, 04:40 PM

I think what she is getting at is that they are friends and they have been close, close friends for 5 years. It seems that they are even so close that being completely open to each other is okay. It may be. And since she seems to have these deeper feelings for him, she feels that they may actually be soulmates. However, it seems that she feels that the 15 year gap may be affecting her acting on her feelings.

It sounds that you two are very close. If he is already in the work force, I assume that he is old enough to prusue a realistic relationship with someone... even if there is an age difference.

If you have strong feelings for him, tell him.. GO FOR IT!! Don't die wondering!! Take a flippin risk, already!!

The important thing is this: To be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

.

Jade · Feb 15, 2006, 04:13 AM

Originally Posted by DrJizzle

I think what she is getting at is that they are friends and they have been close, close friends for 5 years. It seems that they are even so close that being completely open to eachother is okay. It may be. And since she seems to have these deeper feelings for him, she feels that they may actually be soulmates. However, it seems that she feels that the 15 year gap may be affecting her acting on her feelings.

It sounds that you two are very close. If he is already in the work force, I assume that he is old enough to prusue a realistic relationship with someone... even if there is an age difference.

If you have strong feelings for him, tell him.. GO FOR IT!!!!. Dont die wondering!!! Take a flippin risk, already!!!!!!

The important thing is this: To be able, at any moment, to sacrifice what we are for what we could become.

.

Thanks DrJizzle. You are right we are very close. Actually I have not mentioned the other things that bothers me. On my part the issue is our age gap. But in his part it can be more than that. Comparatively let's say "I'm a mentor and he is my student" or "Im already a manager and he is a staff. Things like this gives pressure to our relationship. We already had the chance to talk about this but not in full detail. He even told me that it will not work for we are of "different world." I don't want to put pressure on our friendship. But when I said a portion of what's in my mind he tried to put some distance between us. This bothers me but I respect his decisions. And I feel guilty because he looks so problematic. He is preparing for State Board Exam and this is very important to him. I could give up what I feel for him for the sake of our friendship. How will I go back to the past and change what I did and already said? What will I do next? We still see each other, Our communication line is still open. He had not turned his back to me despite what he knew. I just want to cure the damage I've done in this friendship. Can you please help me?

Wildcat21 · Feb 15, 2006, 08:31 AM

Well - in most cases the age difference is huge. I am sorry, but these May and December relationships usually fizzle... unless your Demi Moore and Ashton Kushner and they will fizzle as well - trust me on that one. 15 years? You'll be 51 and he'll be 36 and he'll be pinning away for that 23 year old.

I am sure Ashton Kushner is realizing this as well. I sure it was cool to date Demi Moore and marry her - BUT, some youngster will steal him.

blueiman · Feb 15, 2006, 10:09 AM

Find someone your own age or older by 10 years. 15 year difference is a big difference. And in time you will be old and he will look for the younger one. Don't put yourself in that situation. Why, set yourself up to be hurt. When to can find another and enjoy love forever.

Wildcat21 · Feb 15, 2006, 10:21 AM

I think that's a huge difference. I know a gal 43 who dated a guy who was 28 - he used the hell out of her for sex. They had really ZERO in common - she used to PRETEND they had a lot in common... nope.

He is telling you ALL you need to know.

CaptainForest · Feb 15, 2006, 11:55 AM

I disagree.

I think it is very possible for a couple, with a 15 yr age difference to survive.

Common interests are not just shared amongst people your own age, but rather everyone.

These 2 people have know each other for a long time, without sex. Therefore, I don't believe he is "faking it" like some suggest.

Jade · Feb 15, 2006, 10:39 PM

Originally Posted by CaptainForest

I disagree.

I think it is very possible for a couple, with a 15 yr age difference to survive.

Common interests are not just shared amongst people your own age, but rather everyone.

These 2 ppl have know each other for a long time, without sex. Therefore, I don't believe he is "faking it" like some suggest.

Thanks guys for your insights. Our frienship was really PURE. We go out watch movie, have lunch or dinner together, had vacation but we never had SEX. That's why I know he is not using me for something and honestly this guy as a true GENTLEMAN and a very INTELLIGENT one also. Anyway thanks a lot. I'll follow some of your advise like, DON'T WORRY FOR THE FUTURE AND ENJOY THE PRESENT!