[anita22]

My mom left me and my elder sis when I was only 2 yrs old with my sisters dad, she was dating my biological dad when she conceived me but they broke up and she stayed back with my sisters dad as he accepted me . I grew up with her dad and step mom until I was 9. my childhood was very unhappy. My sisters dad loved me but her step mom couldn't stand me at all. She used to beat me almost everyday for no good reason:( eventually, they sent us to a boarding school. Anyway, my mom took us back when I turned 9. she remarried again and had another daughter and this marriage also didn't work and she started dating again. I was so happy to get my mom back though I didn't remember much about her except watever I got to know from my sis. I was growing up fast. Okay, now d sad part begins. Her boyfriend used to molest me in front of her and she never said anything to him, I was only 11. I think she enjoyed it because she used to call me in her room every night. One night she was telling him to have sex with me and he was telling her that I'm too young for that and it would hurt me. Her answer was it would hurt me anyway.. sooner or later.. so he should give it a try. He tried but I was too small so it didn't happen.. and he got scared too as I was screaming. Again she broke up after couple for yrs and got married to another person when I was 14 and a half. I really liked this guy as he was always helping us with our homework and also trying to be a real dad. I thought finally all these tortures are over. But one night my mom called me in her room. I was scared and yes they did what I hated. I lost my virginity to my step dad! Y I didn't stop them or tell anyone? Well, I'm coming from a very conservative bangladeshi/indian background. I was little and scared and I didn't tell anyone as I knew no one will support me instead they will probably make fun of me. I even tried to commit suicide twice. It didn't only stop there! She was making me sleep with her friends and colleagues! I told my mom that I will not take it anymore and I don't want to live with them. Dats when he left me with one of her best friends in NY. I started going to school here and I fell in love with this guy who is my moms friends nephew. We started living together when I got 17. I was looking for love which I never got and this guy really loves me. My mom didn't accept the relation as this guy isn't from a super rich family! Anyway, I got married to him when I turned 18 and we had a son when I got 19. But sadly my hubby had to move back to his country as his visa expired. Since den both of our studies have been interrupted because I'm going back and forth. I applied for him last year and hopefully he will be here soon. Now I'm 22 and I work here fulltime to support myself and I also send money for my son as he lives with his father. My hubby works but its not enough.u know bangladesh is a third world country and even graduates don't get a good job. We planned to go back to college once he is here. If both of us works den we can afford to do that and also take care of our child. Its not possible for me alone to go to college and work and send money, too many liabilities. My mom thinks that my hubby is using me and I'm very selfish as I gave her up for him. She still can't accept him and doesn't want to do anything with me as long as I'm with him. I hate her but I also love her:( she's telling the whole family bad things about me, giving everyone the wrong idea.. dat I'm spoilt and I don't go to college. Even my younger sis is against me ( she was always jealous of me though). She thinks mom is right even after she knows all that I went through.. my mom wants to take my son and wants me to leave my hubby and go back to college but I thought I would wait for him.. ill probably lose one more year... my mom keeps sending me hate emails and I'm going nuts these days. I'm always depressed and I cry alone and it really hurts... any advice? Am I doing the right thing or no?

[N0help4u]

Where does your conservative bangladesh background come from?
I really hope you can write better than you did here if you expect to get anywhere with college because all the this and dat's got rather confusing.
Yes you can always love your mom because she is your mom but with a mom like that I would say it is better to love her from a distance. You need to keep your son, you already know how dysfunctional your mother can be. You should go and be with your husband where ever he goes. I think that would be best for you. Your life is not with your mother, it is with your husband. Personally if it were me, I wouldn't even want to talk to her again unless she told me why she put me through that. I doubt she would ever tell you though since she is turning the family against you and sending you nasty email.
Leave her in the past. Your loyalty belongs with your husband and baby.

[Alty]

The only thing your mother did for you was carry you for 9 months and give birth to you. She was not a mother in any other way. Leave her were she belongs, in the past. You are a grown woman, you have a child of your own, and a husband that you love. Go be with him, forget about mom. And for goodness sake, don't ever let your mom have your child with her, you know what she's capable of.

Good Luck to you.

[anita22]

Hey thanks 2 both of u. yes, I know I need to work with my english and I already got into a language course and I just finished my GED. My lawyer said that my hubby will be here within 4/5 months and I also have to pay taxes to sponsor him, so I really can't afford to go back now. It's a hard time for me and I'm going through a lot. But all of your advices sure helps me as I always feel guilty and confused. I never had someone to advice me for any good and bad. Thanks again.

[N0help4u]

Well him coming here is just as good if not better than you going there. Either way it is good you need to be together. I just had a hard time following some of what you meant.
I wish you the very very best. Leave your mom in the past. She wronged you very badly and you have no idea of what she may still be capable of now. If she were alone with your son I hate to think of what she may do!

[isabelgopo]

I'm so sorry for what you have gone though. You are a really strong woman and I really hope that things work out well for you. Follow your heart and stay away from negative people.

[anita22]

Thank u, I'm starting to feel strong...

[Alty]

Anita, keep your head up and stay strong. You have already proven how strong you are, you survived your childhood. Now you need that strength to be a wife and mother, but leave your mother behind. You are a survivor, remember that. Good luck to you. Keep us posted okay?