[c7c7]

I've posted about my jealousy before, but I don't think I've ever mentioned my constant paranoia and worry about my boyfriend's intentions with his ex-girlfriends, and basically our relationship. I guess I didn't realize I had the last two firmly present in my life until three days ago.
His ex-girlfriend, who he started dating exactly a year ago tomorrow (they broke up in July), he recently started talking to again on Friday. He said he had wanted to apologize for the friction in the last six months, since they broke up and he's been with me. But I didn't find out from him that they were talking, I had been reading her blog, and had had suspicions when she was making entries with things like "I got your message, I sent one back, you know who you are." He sent her a reply, and she sent one back which was, I guess, the final reply before they started talking on AIM again. I found out for sure that "who" was him, when I saw her comment on his blog. I don't know if this is connected, but when I blew up at him for him, he said it was too late to try and change my behavior to better the relationship, that this and the weeks before had been leading up to his seemingly sudden decision. (He re-thought it, and we are currently taking time apart to make things better, but we are getting back together once some issues are solved. But dealing with my emotions over what I am posting about is still yet to be personally resolved, I just don't know if how I feel is "reasonable.")
A few minutes after we "broke up," I kept insisting why he thought he should hide the fact that they had made amends from me, I said it was "untrustworthy." I know I pegged him on some issues he has had before with infedility, but when I said that, he said, "Why does it even matter now?" So that made me even more unsure about if I was even ever going to be told. (He told me he wasn't going to tell me since things "were so bad" between us.)
We're not going to be together tomorrow, due to our "break," but I am seeing him again on Thursday, when he's coming with me for a pregnancy test (this is another thing that we are both worried/scared about).
When I asked him why he even cared to apologize to her, since she had been out of his life for half a year, he said that he was tired of having the unresolved differences "hanging over him all the time." He says they are not going to see each other, but I am unsure of that, because when they were dating, he saw me a few times, and still talked to me, even though she told him he was forbidden to do either of those things.
I was reading her blog a few minutes ago, and saw that he had sent her an album that she had most likely told him that she couldn't find. Why would he even care? I understand wanting to make amends, I guess, but talking to her and being friendly, I just guess I don't understand, it just makes me think that he has feelings for her, and that he is secretly going to see her and I am going to have to find out on my own, much too late to not be even more hurt than I would be if I had found out from him.
She is desperate for a boyfriend, she has not had a relationship since they broke up. She would take him back, I am sure, even though she has told many people, and they have told me, that he does not meet her standards, that he was terrible at sexually pleasing her, etc. (He has said the same things about her, that she was immature and ridiculous about her beliefs in animal rights, and just a slew of others things I won't bother listing here, to not make this any longer, basically, they have both trash-talked each other, and she has done the same even to me, before I even posted anything bad about her on my blog.) She is 17, but not even a year, month-wise, older than me. She also lives in another city that is about half an hour drive away from where we both live. I'm assuming she is trying to get him to be interested her again, even worse, convince him to see her since we're on a "break." I am worried they will be seeing each other tomorrow, although I am sure I am just being paranoid since tomorrow will be a year since they first got together.
I just have immensely hurt feelings about them speaking again, because them getting together last year just made me so depressed, I even went to a mental hospital for a week, and on Valentine's Day, I was still there, and they got together. She was my friend to start with, but then they both made the choice to hang out, and later, date.
I don't care about my boyfriend's two other ex-girlfriends, basically because I never knew them, or was FRIENDS with them. This girl chose having my ex-boyfriend, instead of keeping her friendship with me. It was not entirely her fault, also my boyfriend's, but even now, I bet she doesn't see her fault in it. Her mother even told me she and her father were disappointed in the decision she made between being my friend and him.
I do NOT want them talking, it makes me so FURIOUS! :mad: I was hoping I had her out of my life permanently, but I also know it is unfair to forbid things in a relationship, and doing that would just make it more exciting and tempting. Or maybe I have done that already? :(
Am I overreacting?
How can I deal better emotionally with this?
What do I do?

[talaniman]

What did you expect? Between your personality problems and his unresolved issues its really not all that surprising that he would wonder back to his ex. As I remember you both are young and where you expect a commitment he obviously doesn't give it a second thought. Now you think your pregnant,I can imagine your mind is in the worst type of turmoil Between your boyfreinds escapades with his ex, your whole life must be pretty upside down at this moment.Their are no easy answers or soothing words I can think of to give you the peace of mind you are seeking. I can advise you to find out whether you are pregnant,and to tell your parents if you are.Next and brace yourself you are not going to like what I have to say but the truth of the matter is ,YOU are not ready for a relatioship right now.You should be looking to find out who you are and why you have these deep seated issues that would make you believe this guy who may be the father of your child can give you what you need as a person.He can't and doesn't care to either a fact that's obvious since he knows you may be pregnant and where is he? Yeah I know all young people think you know what love is and this is the real thing (SO DID I BACK IN the DAY several different times) but after the lust is gone and you find out that the feelings you have are not returned, and your's have not been,You don't have the maturity to make the decision to move on and take care of yourself and leave all that other b/s alone.You don't even have to argue or beg or wish or hope some young nog head is going to come around and be your everything,and if you have achild with him,Oh MY GOD, I see nothing but misery for you sorry! Raising a child requires two adults and neither of you meet that qualification yet.so my advice is find someone to talk to a school counselor, a priest, or a professional who can listen to you and help you find yourself,I urge you to give yourself a chance to grow up!I wish you a lot of luck!:cool:

[fredg]

Hi,
Jealousy is the "downfall" of many relationships.
If you continue with it, not wanting him to talk with other girls, even his ex, then you are driving him away from you.
Jealousy has also broken up marriages, not just boyfriends' relationships.

What can you do? Be more respectful of others' feelings, listen to what they say, not what you want to say to them, and learn from it.
Your own feelings can be put aside, if you try hard enough. Talk with some new boys, and listen to them. Let them talk about themselves, and be interested in them. You will have so many friends you won't believe it.
If you don't stop treating your boyfriend as if you don't trust him, he will move on, without you.

[phillysteakandcheese]

I think there is a lack of respect - both for yourself and for each other.

[fredg]

Hi,
The answer about respect is a very good thought.
As an addition to my first answer, it is very difficult to have a good relationship with anyone, when one of the persons have personal issues.
Your issue of jealousy will have to be overcome, in some way, before any good relationship can be developed with anyone.
For example, if you find someone different, and really like this new person, the same jealousy will be there; unless you can find a way to overcome it.

[woodbutcher]

Mr. RIGHT is a guy who will find you! Mostly when you aren't looking for him at all. The more time you spend looking for him ,or trying to make somebody else him, the harder you make it for him to find you. My suggestion would be to get yourself taken care of(and your baby?) first! Don't spend your days worrying about somebody who is worrying about somebody else. People are jealous for 2 reasons either its you or them. Meaning, your jealous because the other person has given you reason to be(past transgressions). I have sadly become a believer(not 100% exceptions exist) in once a cheat always a cheat. Hell either your conscious lets you do it or it don't. The other reason for jealousy could be when it's a persons own guilty conscious because they have cheated on others. And that would be my problem. My girlfriends madly jealous of any girl I pass within 10 yards. I have never cheated on her and never would I would break up if I wanted to go that route. She cheated on me though and I forgave and forgot to bad she didn't. No need for me to go on anyway. You're a young lady and there aren't any of us going to change whatever you have set in you mind ;)
Like I said worry about you and when you got everything all under control then look around for somebody. The chances are they will find you first.
I hope all that made sense.
I think way faster than I can type.

[Wildcat21]

If you have insecure, jealous feelings, needy - that person IS NOT the right person for you... THESE ARE RED FLAGS YOUR BODY IS TELLING YOU THAT THERE IS SOMETHING UP HERE.