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jkh · Apr 8, 2008, 10:38 PM

I am about to get married, at the end of may, I am 27 he is 34. We have both been married before. He has been divorced 6 years and I have been 4 years. I have a five year old daughter from my first marriage.

I love him to death as does my daughter, and we are usually very happy besides the stress of wedding planning. We have moved in together, that was about 4 months ago and we did it for convience and money reasons. Here latley we have been arguing non-stop. He thinks I'm immature and not responsible with money. I think he is just the same, for the most part. He is messy, I am neat. Obvioulsy these are things you learn when you live together, but...

He knows how to push my buttons and does so on an almost daily basis now. He drives me close to stark raving mad. If I try to talk to him or him to me it winds up as a battle, and one of us will leave to avoid it.

I am starting to wonder if we should get married. I have never had someone make me soooo mad. What do I do? Hope it is wedding stress and it goes away. I know I can not live with the arguing, but if I try to address this it just blows up.

starbuck8 · Apr 8, 2008, 10:53 PM

Have you considered some pre-marital counseling? Sure every couple has their disagreements and ups and downs, but have you discussed the reasons for both of your divorces at length?

You don't have too much time left before the wedding, so I think you should sit down with a third party and talk out your issues with one another before you get to the alter! Money issue can become a big deal, and they are best settled ahead of time so you both know what is expected of you. Household chores, and how they are going to be handled need to be discussed, as well as respect issues.

You don't want another failed marriage, and you owe it to yourselves and your daughter to do everything you can to make sure you are well prepared for this.

2008chrissy · Apr 8, 2008, 10:59 PM

Relationships are not roses and candy all the time, especially when the relationship is subjected to the stressors you are speaking of. Moving in together and planning a wedding are 2 large life changes that are putting stress on both of you.

I think everyone gets the proverbial "cold feet" before getting married. Having serious doubts and introspections like you are having, and not being able to communicate openly with your loved one without fear of him "blowing up" and getting angry may be a sign to postpone the wedding. At least until things settle down and you two learn to live together and communicate better together as a couple. Marriage these days isn't forever - but it should be. You wouldn't be calling off the wedding, just postponing it. :) Best of luck.

jkh · Apr 8, 2008, 11:21 PM

We have discussed our divorces, his exwife cheated and my exhusband wasn't ready for the life change of having a baby,( she was the best unexpected thing to happen!) my fiancé and I have already made plans for him adopting her. Her father is not around and has not been since our divorce, and that is such a significant thing to me.

Thank you so much for your answers, it helps to just hear someone else give positive feedback. You are very correct we have never sat down and discussed money and household chores and it is something we will do. We sort of rushed, I don't want to live together and not be married. Nothing wrong with that, but I guess I'm old fashioned. For the most part we are both level headed individuals. I want this marrige to last forever. Again thanks for the answers!