[kp2171]

N0help4u,
I bought that ring when my mom was dying with cancer back in 2000. I still feel cold and selfish to this day as that money could have been spent to make my mom's last days more pleasant-like a trip to a place she always dreamed of or whatever she wished. I was too busy trying to impress this poor excuse for a woman.

Do your best to let this go. Your mother would have wanted to you be happy, more than anything... and you are taking those steps. Sure... you can look back and find spaces where you could have done things differently. We all have them.

My grandfather was my father figure growing up. He was the person who taught me what it was like to feel absolutely loved with no bounds. The last time I saw him, he was sick in the hospital. Id driven hours to see him from college, but stayed just a fraction of the time I should have. Seeing him in that state took a toll on me and I just couldn't suck it up. Three days later he passed, and I could not be there to comfort him. As the years have gone by, I've always said if I could change just one thing in my past, I would have not left his side.

But that's the past and you can't change it. You'll kick yourself a long time for things like spending time or money on that girl when you could have spent your time and money on your mother or elsewhere... but it doesn't do much good other than to hopefully keep you grounded now, on what you can control.

My wife's father, a few weeks before he passed, leaving town after his best friend just died, said "we are too short lived and too long gone to live our lives frustrated and angry"

This from the alpha male italian hothead, being said to the young irish-serb hothead who sometimes punches first and buys drinks later.

So... use your anger at her to work through the noise. Use your frustration with yourself to focus you on what you did right, and what you won't put up with. As for the rest... well, you just can't let the past keep you from living in the present.

Again, glad you are stepping through this. Some days you will feel powerful, and some days you'll feel like you've been hit in the gut.

[Jason8676]

kp2171,
Thanks for the response... I found it comforting that I'm not the only one who has some regrets about the past. True... I am extremely angry at this girl(or thing). But I'm going to use it to get over her. Every time I start thinking of her, I'll think of one of the numerous instances where she has treated me like crap. I cannot put her on a pedestal any longer-her kind only continue to propagate bad relationships. I may have been boring to her as I could not take her out as often as she wished and could not call her as often, but at least I was faithful to her. This is more than I can say for the new guy in her life. It seems she always makes bad choices where love is concerned, so I have a feeling she'll get a taste of her own medicine sooner or later with no help from me. Again, thanks for the reply and take care... Jason

[Jason8676]

Hey,
Just thought I'd give an update. Last night, while I was at work, that idiot(my ex) sent me a text message reading(in the manner in which it was composed)-"Who let duh bears out?" That retard was obviously referencing the now infamous song from 2000 by the Baja Men called "Who let the dogs out?" As for the "bears" reference, she was referring to her pet name that she called me during that mockery of a relationship. I was tempted to change my number as I am sick and tired of her stupid crap but decided not to. It pissed me off so bad that I lost my appetite for the rest of the day-and I'm usually starved when I get home. Here I try to move on and it seems like just when I do, she finds a way to twist the knife with a text message. I remember dating another girl over 10 years ago. When we broke up, at least she had the decency to go her way and let me go mine. She even gave my presents back. The breakup hurt like crazy back then, since it was my first serious relationship, but I have way more respect for her than I do my recent ex(a.k.a The Text Tormentor). Even when she ran off and got married behind my back over 7 years ago, she left me alone. WHAT IS HER PROBLEM?? I swear I am so pissed right now that if she were to walk in the room right now, I'd scream at her until her ears bled profusely! Is there no end to her idiotic hijinx with these stupid text messages?! Help!!

[kp2171]

Well... if you are still in the "getting over her" mode, and I think you are, you can

1) ignore it and not respond or
2) change your number

Sure... she's going to probably ruin a few more nights with more text... OK. Honestly... it wasn't that long ago that you were sending presents.

And you know she texts... you said that was her MO.

So... you just got to roll with it for a time. If it completely tears you up, then change the number. My wife had to do that twice to get an ex off her back. Pain in the arse, but its what she had to do to stay sane.

So... she's still under your skin and its irritating you like mad. You are miserable. Mortal. Normal.

You aren't her buddy, and that text sounded like her looking for a buddy. She's reaching out, but for the wrong reasons. Its again about leaning on you while she moves on. Forget it.

Ignore her one way or the other. If she has anything of any meaning to say she knows where you live. Outside of that, just let the noise be more fuel for the fire.

[Jason8676]

kp2171,
Part of me wants to respond to her text in a humorous, nonchalant way(like fighting fire with fire so to speak), and part of me wants to ignore it. I came so close to responding but I caught myself. I figured if I joked back with her, it would show her that I have moved on and could care less one way or the other. Deep down I wish we could work things out-I'm not going to deny that. That is why I get so AGGRAVATED with her texts. I see the red message light blinking, I get sort of excited thinking the message will be positive and things between me and her might be about to turn a corner, but the message turns out to be crap. If she has another boyfriend, why must she continue to send me this pointless garbage? If I was dating somebody else right now, I would feel so elated that I couldn't care less about my ex. I wouldn't send her stupid messages for a cheap laugh. She must derive some sick pleasure from doing this to me. She's hurt me plenty of times but never adding insult to injury like this. It would be hard to change my number because my friends and family are used to it now and its not worth it over her. I would just be giving her the satisfaction of knowing she is grating on my nerves. Well, I'll get over it but I am so PISSED right now. I think I might get a punching bag and pretend its her, maybe that'll relieve me of some tension. Thanks for the reply... take it easy. Jason

[Jason8676]

Hey,
Well, hopefully I've finally put an end to the text message issue. I sent her a LONG message today telling her how I honestly felt and not to contact me anymore unless she wants to discuss a reconciliation. I told her to respect my wishes as I am respecting her by leaving her alone and not interfering in her life. I told her that if she did not feel the same, I'm leaving her alone for good and wishing her the best. I think I might have blown it when I mentioned my dad and how he is sick and dying of heart failure-I told her being led on and hurt by her is the last worry I need right now. She responded shortly after receiving my message and said she was very sorry to hear about him and asked what was wrong with him. I told her and left it at that. For all I know she might see this as a sign of desperation but that is truly what is going on right now. I had a terrible falling out with my dad about 4 years ago and we sort of made up after my daughters funeral when he attended. It was ashamed he never got to see her when she was alive and hold her. Right now I am trying to put things right with him and it is very hard. Now we'll see-although I have a feeling my ex will send me a message saying that she is involved with somebody else, etc. I'm at a point now where I've accepted that. It's the text messages here and there that have been giving me false hope and now I've had my say. From here on out, it is NC for good. All that frustration I had bottled up inside finally came out in that message and hopefully she'll get it. If not-oh well. Jason

[confusionmax]

Hey Jason. It's a good thing you let out your feelings and told her how you felt. If she honestly respects u, then she'll respect what you said and will stop texting. If she doesn't, be very very careful because either she doesn't know what she wants and is totally confused, or keeping you as a backup in case her flings fail, or is involved with someone else. Either way, your at a loss. You deserve someone a lot better, and I'm sure ull find her. Good luck. :)

[Jason8676]

confusionmax,
Thanks for the reply! I have a feeling the messages will continue with no heed to what I asked her-she's like that. In the ten years that I've known her, we have been on and off. In the off times, she'll just stop talking to me. Now that text messages are the rage, she has a new way of making sure I don't disappear on her. She'll just send something pointless. Either that, or she just delights in ticking me off and rubbing salt in the wound. It seems to me like she doesn't want to fully let me go and just uses me to break her fall when her other flings backfire. I won't be responding to her anymore unless she wants to discuss a reconciliation. If she is involved with someone else at this point, I don't see why she must continue to text pointless crap to me unless it is out of spite, and if so, that is a new side to her that I've never seen before. She usually just leaves me alone when she is happy with somebody else. Again, thank you for the reply and take it easy. Jason

[kp2171]

Until she begs you to take her back... all the rest is noise.

Period.

And I'm not saying you should take her back if she begs... I'm saying that anything less than her doing a complete 180 is just talk and noise. Until she's ready to chase you down, she's just not that interested in anything other than her own comfort.

[Jason8676]

kp2171,
I totally agree with your post. When I sent her that message yesterday, it was gut wrenching because I felt as if I was weak and giving in after nearly 2 months of NC. I sort of thought that I was being too stubborn and it was time to make my intentions known. Now I can cut all contact for good and stop obsessing over whether I tried hard enough. She told me once that she read a book entitled, "He's Just Not That Into You"-the name of the author escapes me. She always complained that I didn't call her enough or show her more interest-sometimes I feel that is what lead to the demise of the relationship. But it seems to me that she would have made an effort on her part if things were worth saving well before it got to this point. She knows I work a lot to support myself and that surely I must be exhausted. Well, things are definitely going to have turn around no less than a 180 before I ever consider getting with her again. I've forgiven her for alot-I'm sure if I just left her for somebody else it would take forever for her to forgive me. Thanks for the reply and take it easy for now... Jason

[Jason8676]

Hey,
Well Day 1 has passed since I texted her. I failed to mention several posts ago(where I said that she asked what was wrong with my dad) that not only did I tell her what was wrong-I point blank asked her in a separate text, "Do you want to work things out and talk?" I feel like such an idiot now, that same empty feeling where my heart is has returned, like the time she told me she "liked" somebody else but wasn't happy. Well, its my own fault I rubbed my nose into this crap so I don't expect any sympathy. It's like trying a arm wrestle with a healing broken arm. The stress aggravates the healing fracture-the pain returns and you are set back to square one. If there is any silver lining to this lapse of stupidity, it is that the ball is squarely in her court now. I asked, she ignored it, so its adios to her. Jason

[kp2171]

So you felt like firing a shot across the bow. Its done.

Now stop it.

She knows you are interested. You are sending mixed messages now... ignoring PM's and then inviting her back in the mix.

You took a shot. You have an answer. Even if she thought about it, you don't want that girl. You want the one who needs to be with you, not one who might consider it... you're way past the point of trying the relationship on just to see how it looks. Now you need her to be in or be out. And unless she's kicking in your door and telling you she needs to be with you, she doesn't.

[Jason8676]

kp2171,
I feel so retarded right now for breaking NC in the first place. I felt way better when I was ignoring her than I do now. The more I think about it, the angrier I get. I'm mainly pissed at myself-I feel like like a ninny. For all I know, that stupid message she sent the other night that started this whole thing could have been written while she was humping her new lover and having a good time. He could have even put her up to it and they both laughed like two hyenas. Now I see the beauty of NC, if I had stuck to it instead of responding to her, I wouldn't be feeling this way right now. I think I would have moved on way sooner had this girl not been in my life for so long. Ten years is a long time and its really hard to just finally say, "to hell with it'. If I had somebody else right now, I wouldn't bother her anymore like she has done me. Prior to this, I let her be. I never even darkened the door of where she works, I haven't called, I haven't texted, I haven't written, nor have I ever driven by her house. I dropped out of sight as if she never even met me. The only thing I did do was apologize and send her a gift in an attempt to get us talking again(as she was sending messages here and there but never calling to speak with me directly). If I was with somebody else and they continued to send text messages to their ex(no matter how pointless they may be), it would disturb me a little. I've tried to respect her space(with the exception of the gift) but she can't respect the fact that maybe I'm trying to heal if she never wants to try again. Well, I've officially said "to hell with it" and I'm not trying to mend fences anymore. It was just like trying to rearrange the deck chairs while the "Titanic" sank. Anyway, thanks for the reply and take care. JAson

[Jason8676]

Hey,
Just a couple of thoughts. Day 5 has passed since my last message to her and I still feel like an idiot although the sting subsides with each passing day. I still wonder if I did the right thing by finally opening up and letting her know my intentions. The LONG text message read as follows(and it actually counted as 4-"I still want to work things out and make it up to you. If you feel the same, call me or text me and we'll talk. If not, I'll leave you alone and wish you the best. Do not contact me (again)unless you want to work things out. PLEASE respect this as I respect you. My dad is very sick and has only a few months to live. The last thing I need right now is you hurting and leading me on. I still love you, don't ever forget that. Remember, I still want to work things out. The rest is up to you. Take care." She then proceeded to tell me she was sorry about my dad and then asked what was wrong with him. I told her and then asked her point blank if she wanted to work things out. I wish I never asked her that but I sort of thought it was time to cut the BS and get down to brass tax. She has been sending me messages here and there, as if she doesn't want me to move on. It's like somebody stabbing you in the back. When you try to move on and you least suspect it, they stab you again. Anyway, I'm looking down the road to August. Hopefully, I'll be over this crap. Jason

[kp2171]

Well... unless she's a cold stone b&*%$ putting the stuff in there about your father confuses the message. Not saying she shouldn't know, but you can't do that and then put in the ultimatum "dont call me unless you want to work it out"...

I did absolute NC with my ex, first huge love lost, but if shed called and said her father was dying id be right there... out of respect for him and much as her.

So... you muddled it up some. Even if she comes back how do you not know it isn't sympathy moving her?

So... you all but asked her to stab you in the back by telling her about your father. I'm sorry about the situation, but you didn't give a clear message by adding that info.

You are still trying to read too much into things.

I can't tell you any more than I have. Maybe someone else can help you figure this out... but I think I'm out of suggestions.

[Jason8676]

kp2171,
I put the info in the message about my father because I thought it would serve one of two purposes:1)the stupid, pointless messages will stop coming if she knows that and if she has any shred of human feelings or conscience she will leave me alone and 2)if she decides to communicate with me, she'll at least show some respect. The info about my father is true-before I wrote the message, I thought, "If I were sending her pointless text messages, what could she tell me to make me think twice before sending another one?" I don't think she cares one way or the other about my dad. My dad doesn't think much of her either, she was partly to blame for our falling out 4 years ago-in fact, my whole family pretty much despises her for the way she has treated me. If I were sick and dying in the hospital, she could care less about me. I've come to the conclusion that she wouldn't even be at my visitation, let alone the funeral. The only thing she cares about is herself and what suits her for the moment. She acts on emotion and impulse, never rationally or logically. She'll only have something to do with somebody when she wants something. I've put up with this crap thus far because I thought there were some redeeming qualities beneath all of this, but it appears I am wrong. She's a far cry from what I fell in love with 10 years ago. Nevertheless, I don't expect her to come back even out of sympathy for me-I didn't even expect her to respond to begin with. It looked like we had the beginnings of a conversation going and I asked her if she wanted to work things out. Since then, it has been 5 days going on 6. Like I've said before, I'm at the point where I've said "to hell with it". I'll only respond to her if she, like you said, does a complete 180. Other than that, any communications I get from her from here on out is just noise. If I never hear anything again, the sky is not falling. If this is it for me and her, life goes on. Jason

[shellyjo68]

Ex or not I find it rude to send a girl who is involved with another man a ring trying to get her back. Respect the relationship she has. If you want to wait for her if things bomb with new guy that is your choice. As far as her texting you--she is just trying to keep you at arm's length in case new guy fails. Move on.

[Jason8676]

shellyjo68,
I do respect the relationship she has(if there is one). This has not been confirmed by her other than her telling me awhile back that she liked somebody but was not happy(with the guy or her present situation I took it). She has not left me alone and has sent me text messages here and there, although I couldn't make heads or tails of what her intentions were. I sent the gift thinking maybe it would show her that I was still interested and that I was sorry for not devoting more time and attention to her. Hopefully, she would see that and we would start talking again. If I was 100% sure that she was involved with somebody, I would not have sent it. If she was with somebody, she could have told me point blank about it. I'm not going to be devastated or shattered by the news-she'll just lose me. I think she's afraid to tell me because the news would make it easier for me to move on. I told her awhile back that if she ever got involved with somebody else again, she can expect to lose me-friendship and all. If I somehow offended her new boyfriend by sending the gift, that's not my problem. He shouldn't be mad at me, but rather her. She should have communicated with me more clearly instead of merely telling me that she "liked" somebody. Furthermore, she should have ceased with the BS text messages. When we have been broken up before, we stayed in strict NC. I let her be, and she let me be. Jason

[Jason8676]

Hey!
She texted me AGAIN today-same bullcrap. Either she does not have any respect for what I said and derives a cheap laugh from the whole thing or there is trouble in paradise. The message read, "Who let the jason bares out ruff ruff" After sending her that message telling her to not contact me again until she wants to work things out and mentioning what was going on with my dad, here she is again. Maybe she's dyslexic and failed to comprehend my last message-who knows? She evidently wants attention, but she's not getting it this time. It's sort of funny in a way-I thought I'd put an end to the stupid messages but yet she persists. It's like a mosquito buzzing around your face. You swat at it, you use insect repellant, but it continues to annoy the crap out of you. Jason

[shellyjo68]

I will tic some folks off here but here goes. You both enjoy the drama. She chases u via text and u don't know what she wants. U text her saying don't contact me unless u want me. She texts u and u don't know what she wants. So either call her, ask her what is up and make a date or keep up the texting. My guess is U don't care if it was rude or not to send the ring; u were just looking for someone to validate your actions. I would dare to guess that even if u two do get back together that in 6 m to a yr the same break up/I don't get her BS will be happening again. I don't think she is the problem, I think it is the maturity level of the both of you.