[Awaking]

I guess after all these years.. I am so trying to be open that I have landed myself in a pickle.. Emoutionally..

My Husband has given me three dates this summer where I can visit my family.. My children play a travel sport that I am not too involved in.( I pack the cooler)

My problem is 1) I hate where we are living and would enjoy taking the summer to do the things I enjoy 2) No commitments during the summer free to do as we want = no school with the kids 3) I LOVE TO TRAVEL.. explore..

My husband signed the kids up for travel sports and I have absolutely no time to do the things I enjoy. 5 days a week- weekends during season are from 8 am - 8 pm till they lose. Sat & Sun. the kids really enjoy it.. so I have supported and allowed this to continue. However, on the days they are home they are so tired from training and playing they like to sit around making it close to impossible to get them to a muesum or zoo etc.. They complain and its like pulling teeth.

I am considering a Divorice because I feel I would actually get to spend more time with kids. Its depressing me and with counseling I am realizing "What a crappy marriage I have. "
15 years later, it's a tuff thing with my daughter heading into High School and all her emoutions. I have put up with this kicking and screaming and honestly no change.
(Yes the kids love this) Does this mean I am committed for the rest of the time we have with them?
I am so fed up: My husband is giving me three dates this year that they are not playing and have the ability to see family in another state. Early June - but the cousin do not get out of school until middle June so it's a complete waste of time with all the test and end of the year activities we rarly had the opportunity to see them.
July after the fourth for 6 days and 3 out of the 4 cousins have their own tournments during this time. Aug. seems to work. However, I formly went with my children for the summer and now the last three years are a nightmare? This is ridiculous to me- I have to wait till the end of summer a week before they get back at school.
I have been going to counseling to see if its me who is selfish or should I expect better compromises from my husband.. What do you think?

[George_1950]

Just curious: The ages and sex of your children? I thought you were talking about boys until you mentioned a daughter in high school.
Two issues that I see are: your relationship with your spouse, and your relationship with your children. That is why the number of children is relevant to this discussion. Children, by definition, can not do for themselves; and I believe they need both parents, basically, doing all they can. Also, do you work outside the home?

[DoulaLC]

Is there anyway to cut back a bit on the sporting activities the kids are signed up for at this point? If so, might be a consideration... find a happy medium of sporting activities and family time. If not, you may have to make the best of it for this summer... however, you can certainly be sure that everyone is not so overbooked next summer and they you have more say so in who does what. Since it seems you are expected to be involved, you should have a say in just how much involvement you are willing to take on. Certainly it is nice to provide opportunities for the children in the summer, but it is not a parent's job, nor is it healthy, to sacrifice all of their freetime to their children. As it stands, you aren't even really doing that... the kids are not interacting with either parent much at all if they are spending the majority of their time doing sports. Does you husband do much with them himself? Could it be signing them up for a full summer of sports frees him up from having to interact and take on any responsibility?

Children learn a good deal through what their parents model... ie. how they take care of themselves, how they interact in an adult relationship, etc.. What are you and your husband modelling for your children?? It's something to think about.

[N0help4u]

If your husband said any week in the summer what week would YOU pick?

[Awaking]

Thanks for the responses: They are both girls double digits.. (Funny about giving out personal info LOl) The Kids are not doing for themself- They need rides , food and water and my husband is the coach. No, I work out of my home which allow me to travel because I can work from anywhere. I guess what I missed was the fact I already said: I could not commit my summers to this. My Husband doesn't listen and does it anyway. "I have a sweat gland problem and get infectious blister which need to be treated with antibotic when I spend long periods in the sun. I live in Fl.. LOl" He is under a employment contract for another year. I have plenty of fun things to do in the context of ALONE. Everyone (including the children) likes what they are doing.
April -late Nov. it is 90 with 100 % humitiy. (So feels 104) I have spent the last 3 years traveling to the field watching 1 out 3 games feeding the kids and running back and fourth. However, my husbands time is spent traveling 1 20 min back and fourth to work. While I shlep the kids to 2 different schools feed them , cloth them, wash them, homework and including wake up etc. Grocery , dry cleaning errand of everyday life. (which I would not mind if I actually got to play with them) I realize that this happens when the kids get older as well.
However, 8 am - 8 pm Sat and Sun leaves little time for other interest. The sport is year round here - However it is not as intense till march. The weekend are completely booked until July when they leave for sleep away camp. (again my husband did this as a child) NOW THE KIDS LOVE IT.. My Husband response is: We will have time when the kids are at camp. I reply: I have no interest in spending time with you. I miss my children. I worked out of the house and breastfeed. I feel like NO one in my House treats me like a MOM - its more like the housekeeper. 3 yrs later I over it and want my way. (at least a little) His idea of compromise is I can go by my family and fly the kids back and fourth twice a week for sports on the weekend. I don't think that's acceptable for the kids.
15 years of marriage later - It feels more like prison..
I am working with a Therpist and doing the Oprah A New Earth pod series.. Trying to change my funk. I Cycle and am working on 100 mls a week (I'm at 50 mls) so I can join a travel cycling charity group.. Travel so I'm not alone. It just seems like the more effort I make to make myself happy the further I am being pulled away from my Family. We already separate our time according to husband with self interest. However, he doesn't see that I have only work time with my Kids and he leaves 5 min after he drives home frm work to coach. The girls are ready to go homework , feed etc.. I do not see them till 9 3 nights a week. This is in between my husband visiting clients at night-His family is here and we have different friends.. Boy , I sound pathatic.
I just really don't know what to do: except move on and do things I enjoy keep myself healthy and Happy. PS when the 90 degree whether moves in I do not cycle its way to hot..

[George_1950]

I think you and the husband need to find some common ground. No one likes to be taken for granted; your role in your family is essential because he and the daughters most likely would not be able to do all of the activities without your support. The kids are so busy, and too soon, they will be grown up. Don't you girls ever go shopping?

[Awaking]

They complain they are tired its like pulling teeth.. I am trying as hard as I can..

[talaniman]

I can understand you feel left out, and ignored. Everyone has their thing to do without you, as even your husbands time is wrapped up with the kids. That's the rub, you want to be involved also, and sharing with your family. Honestly though, is their a reason why you are not more involved in your children's activities? You seem to be wanting to do things they don't want to do, and that kind of conflict is not healthy. It can only lead to resentments by everyone, especially you. Having said that, you and your husband need to work this out, and get more balance in this marriage, or you will have to be more proactive in your own happiness, and that would be following your own interests, and let them have theirs.