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albinomonkey · Apr 6, 2008, 06:39 PM

Fiancée returned engagement ring after a small disagreement over lateness and leaving her in the car while shopping for fifteen minutes. She did not believe giving the ring back meant the end of engagement but I do. By the way she now regrets doing so and has apologized.
Should she get it back ever or give it time and make it work

xiaocake · Apr 6, 2008, 07:31 PM

She might really regret because she loves you. It is not a thing about ring, but a thing about love. If you are still in love and willing to get lesson from last disagreement, love goes on as life does.

workedtoohard · Apr 6, 2008, 07:43 PM

Trust me. Don't give it back really quick to AVOID future returns. A returning a ring is a semi serious thing to do. Just hold off giving it back and you will look strong and she will love you more. Just say "I have to think about it".

simoneaugie · Apr 6, 2008, 07:45 PM

If you still want to marry her, consider that she apologized for the rash action. I'd give her another chance, with the ring. A long talk about ring returns and lateness is in order. How do you feel, tell her, kindly. Get the whole story from her, hear it all without judgement.

If you don't want to get married to a creature who does rash things in a fit of mood, don't get married. Playing games will not do. Marriage is a long string of mistakes and misunderstandings. That's because human beings screw up and misunderstand each other. Marriage is about making it work in spite of human nature.

Her action of giving the ring back to you was symbolic. To you it meant that the relationship was over, or that the engagement was over. To her, it meant that she was in a bad mood and feels as if she is not heard loud and clear. Well, you're listening now.

As ring bearer, it's up to you.

soltera · Apr 6, 2008, 09:04 PM

Originally Posted by albinomonkey

Fiancee returned engagement ring after a small disagreement over lateness and leaving her in the car while shopping for fifteen minutes. She did not believe giving the ring back meant the end of engagement but I do. By the way she now regrets doing so and has apologized.
Should she get it back ever or give it time and make it work

Some women tend to be impulsive, especially when they're vulnerable. You don't need to wait for her to ask you to give back the ring... take volition and give it to her when least expected... that's better and it's more romantic!

Take it from me, I've experienced this more than once!

starbuck8 · Apr 7, 2008, 04:38 AM

I would be curious to know... does she fly off the handle like this often? or was this just a one time thing? If it's not a one time thing, I would definitely do some thinking before returning the ring to her. Having to wait 15 minutes in a car for you, and then giving back the ring seems like a rather impulsive act to such a small upset. Were there other things that led to this, and that was the straw that broke the camels back?

Something just doesn't sound right here. Is she this impulsive all the time?. or do you do things like this all the time?

Either way, it sounds like some communication is in order before you return the ring and decide this is what you both want. Do it before you are married so you are both on the same page with each other.

talaniman · Apr 7, 2008, 06:07 AM

It happened, you can either forgive and talk about it, or play a control game. She has apologized, so dragging it out to teach her a lesson, is not the thing to do. This is an oppurtunity to work together, and talk about it. Give her the ring back!

albinomonkey · Apr 8, 2008, 12:06 PM

Originally Posted by soltera

some women tend to be impulsive, especially when they're vulnerable. you don't need to wait for her to ask you to give back the ring...take volition and give it to her when least expected...that's better and it's more romantic!

take it from me, i've experienced this more than once!

Soltera, when you say that you've experienced this more than once... What side of the fence were you on? Were you the one who returned the ring or the one who had to decide whether to give it back?

albinomonkey · Apr 8, 2008, 12:19 PM

I should have probably included my feeling on how this went down. This was a total shocker to me. Yes, she has shown some impulsive, impatient and selfish habits throughout the relationship, but this was extreme. In reality this made me cry, which I don't do often. In addition, her reasoning for doing so was possibly worse than the act. She felt like I was treating like a child ( I did tell her to grow up) by leaving her in the car while I went back to finish shopping. That to her was "abusive behavior". Giving the ring back was her way of "showing me that that was something that I could not do. " There was no intention to make her feel that way nor control her but that's how it went down. I have told her this and have explained that I need time to think things through. We were schedule to get married in three months,but this happened.

soltera · Apr 8, 2008, 05:12 PM

Originally Posted by albinomonkey

Soltera, when you say that you've experienced this more than once...What side of the fence were you on? Were you the one who returned the ring or the one who had to decide whether to give it back?

During my younger days, I've been too impulsive that I've done so many crazy things including returning the engagement ring which my fiancée gave me. If I'm not mistaken, I did it thrice. What's good about it was that, he never gave up on me. We got married, and now, we're already 16 years sailing through the peaks-and-valleys. I must admit, the sail isn't that easy, and this made me realize that marriage and whatever long-term relationship would that be, entails maturity and commitment. What matters most is that, you're happy and in love with the person despite his or her frailties.

I want you to read this bible verse that serves as a guiding maxim for me whenever I feel there's no hope fighting for the love I have for my husband. I know this will also give you a hint of how to get through your concern:

1 Corinthians 13:4-8
“(4) Love is long-suffering and kind. Love is not jealous, it does not brag, does not get puffed up, (5) does not behave indecently, does not look for its own interests, does not become provoked. It does not keep account of the injury. (6) It does not rejoice over unrighteousness, but rejoices with the truth. (7) it bears all things, believes all things, endures all things. (8) LOVE NEVER FAILS…”

I hope I gave you an insight that's worth to ponder...