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niaghyp0e · Apr 4, 2008, 05:33 PM

Hi I need some help what to do! My fiancée thinks I'm cheating on him with his brother. Im really not I think its crazy and disgusting to even cheat. His brother is 17 and that's even illegal. I have been with him for 6yrs friends for 2. I have to daughters from him one 3 and the other 9mths! I don't know what to do its getting worse he won't believe me. He won't trust me. His brothers have been nice since I've met them, they were 12 at the time! I kind of grew up with them like if they were my brothers. There twins one has a baby on the way and the one he thinks I'm cheating with can't hold a girlfriend for long. I had just left my job because I didn't heal the right way after I had gave birth. That was several months ago. Ever since I left that job he had started with this cheating thing. He thinks I look at his bro all dreamy eye he says that he wished I looked at him like that. The thing is I didn't even know that I did that. But that's what he says I do. He said when we would watch a movie together that when his brother passes that I use to just stare at him passing. I had talk to my friend about it she laughed at the idea. He thinks I don't love him!! It makes me so mad because I do. My friend said that if I didn't do anything I shouldn't worry! But for months this has been happening. We have a duplex and the house has a hallway that connects to houses from the inside easily! I won't to move but I haven't found a job for us to move! Every morning every night we talk about it. I think its getting worst. Ive been still sick since my last pregnancy so I've been in bed. I don't know why he thinks I slept with his brother if I have been by his side 24/7. He tells me everyday if I cheated just to tell him and he would just leave. I don't even look at anybody in there faces I try not to talk to anybody. When he asks me a question and I don't say yes I was doing the whole cheating thing. He gets VERY ANGRY!! He says Ive lied to his face. One day his brothers were in the dining room and he was in the living room just sitting towards the TV. I went to the kitchen and when I came out he saw his brother stand up and me coming and on the TV it look like we kissed. The t.v. was off so you could see into the dinning room. I never kissed his brother he wasn't even by my face I don't understand how he could even say that. Another reason he thinks I'm cheating was because I was washing a spoon for one of the boys and he said I had taken so long to wash that spoon, he said it look like I was being touch by a lover. I know I was staring into space but gosh I didn't know I look like that! Another time he really thought I was cheating is when I had kissed him he said my breath stank like I had been on somebodys you know. I couldn't believe he said that,that whole day I didn't really eat anything so yea It did stink but not like that. Truthfully I don't believe in that whole sleeping with somebody else, for that break up and then party. I only had 1 partner before him and that's it I can't sleep with anybody I don't even like my body I believe in love so much. He says if I keep saying that I'm not cheating he thinks he's going crazy, he thinks he's sick. Im so upset and confused and in love please help us!!

confused25 · Apr 4, 2008, 08:13 PM

Your fiancée is being extremely unfair. His insecurities are indeed making him sick. Have you told him to go talk to his brother about the situation? I'm rather surprised that he continues to blame you and verbally attack you, while he hasn't even talked to his brother.

I suggest that you two seek couples counseling. The next time this issue comes up, remind him you love him and because of that you would never cheat on him. Immediately afterwards you need to tell him that you would like the both of you to see a counselor so that you can get help on this situation.

If he refuses to see a counselor with you than you will need to do what's best for you and get out of this relationship. More importantly, you need to think about what's best for your two kids! It is not fair for any of you to live with a man who mistreats you and accuses you of infidelity. This is not a healthy relationship because there is not trust and consequently no true love. Think about it, if he is treating you like this before you get married than it is only going to get worse when you two do get married.

Please remind yourself that you deserve the best and never allow anyone to mistreat you. Also, remember that true love rests on trust, without trust the relationship is not worth having. Do what's best for you and your kids. Try counseling first and if that doesn't work get out of the relationship.

svatnsdal · Apr 4, 2008, 08:37 PM

I didn't read it all, sorry. I say, stop the marriage and go to a councillor. You two should not get married unless the two of you can sort this out. However, it's him, not you.
Some men will accuse their spouse of things like this due to not wanting the relationship. Now please don't think I'm saying he wants out, I said 'some men', not all.
If you let this go and you two get married, your marriage won't last long and your kids will be the one's who suffer the damage.
Both of you need to see a councillor!

talaniman · Apr 4, 2008, 08:55 PM

He sounds really paranoid, and insecure, and its taking its toll on you. He may need some big-time help, or you, and your kids, will have to be out of this situation, until he at least sees a doctor, or some one who can help find out what's going on with this behavior.

niaghyp0e · Apr 17, 2008, 06:47 PM

Originally Posted by confused25

Your fiancee is being extremely unfair. His insecurities are indeed making him sick. Have you told him to go talk to his brother about the situation? I'm rather surprised that he continues to blame you and verbally attack you, while he hasn't even talked to his brother.

I suggest that you two seek couples counseling. The next time this issue comes up, remind him you love him and because of that you would never cheat on him. Immediately afterwards you need to tell him that you would like the both of you to see a counselor so that you can get help on this situation.

If he refuses to see a counselor with you than you will need to do what's best for you and get out of this relationship. More importantly, you need to think about what's best for your two kids!! It is not fair for any of you to live with a man who mistreats you and accuses you of infidelity. This is not a healthy relationship because there is not trust and consequently no true love. Think about it, if he is treating you like this before you get married than it is only going to get worse when you two do get married.

Please remind yourself that you deserve the best and never allow anyone to mistreat you. Also, remember that true love rests on trust, without trust the relationship is not worth having. Do what's best for you and your kids. Try counseling first and if that doesn't work get out of the relationship.

Thank you very much for your opinion I will try to do the counsleing! Asap