[pinkygal08]

My boyfriend sprouted a question on me last night... he suggested that I have a week then he has a week. During this week of whoever it is, they have to decided when we see each other, what we do, what we talk about etc. I asked him why he wanted this, and he said a lot of the time he feels he doesn't know what I want, as I'm indecisive and don't make my mind up. The thing is, I genuinely am easy going and I'm happy to just be with him, I'm a student at uni and have little money so often what I would like to do and what can be done is two different things.

In somes ways I think well maybe he will understand a bit more, and I wonder if he mabe gets frustrated deciding all the time what to do, instead of me, but its not like I don't give suggestions or ask to see him, as I do.

I feel that this is a little strange, as I am going to find to find it hard, its like well do I text saying lets talk about this or lets talk about that, or I'm worried if I don't say well come round. I told him last night that some decisions rely on an answer from us both, but he said not during this week as its different?

Does this seem strange or is it quite reasonable, how do you think I should react and deal with this situation?

[ihatewestseneca]

How long have you two been dating?

This may be just a ploy for him to have a week of sex, and not feel guilty because you get to decide what to do next week.

There is no question that this is strange... maybe he feels too much pressure to come up with fun things for you guys to do, but that shouldn't matter, what matters is that you're together and enjoying each others company.

Basically, I think he might be trying to help you grow/change you. You're the indecisive girlfriend, I know that all to well, I dated a very indecisive girl for 2 years. But I'm very laid back as well so I didn't have any trouble coming up with something to do. I think hanging out with your significant other should be casual and nature. Sometimes its good to plan things, like dinner, or a movie you both want to see. But other than that, it should be just hanging out on a couch, then when you get bored, say "hey, you wanna get a taco?". The power of the taco never fails.

But yeah, if you want to talk to him about it, tell him that it makes you uncomfortable or that you'd stress about something you shouldn't be having to stress about. He says that he doesn't know what you want (to do, talk about... etc.)... frankly that's what dating is all about, discovery. Maybe give him feedback every now and then after you guys hang out. Tell him that you had a great time, or tell him that maybe next time you two should do something else.

Don't worry about this... relationships are fun, they shouldn't be planned out every step of the way.

[pinkygal08]

We have been dating for about 3 months now. It did cross my mind, not necessarily sex, but I have a pet hate of dirty texts, whereas he loves them, so I wondered if it was a ploy for them. However this weekend, he had really upset me, over something, which now is quite small, and a bit of a misunderstanding, but he says he hates to see me upset and crying as it breaks his heart, so wants me to be happy, which is why he wants me to have a week of saying what id like to do etc. I really like him very much, but sometimes I can't work out what's going through his mind!

[ihatewestseneca]

Well, id like to tell you that most guys are easy to figure out (I am, I'm very easy to please).

Anyway, after 3 months, whoever initiated the start of the relationship should still be "in charge" of what goes down. After all, its only been 3 months, you guys barely know each other.

And if you want out of deciding what to do, you could always just tell him that whatever he picks will make you happy. (cept for an hour of texting dirrty!)

[pinkygal08]

Ill see how it goes, he text me first this morning, so hopefully it will be pretty much normal, I may just say ooh I would like to see you tonight, rather than waiting for him to ask me, or ill make a few suggestions etc and see what happens, thanks for your help!

[pinkygal08]

Talking of dirty texts, do you think I should compromise with him, if that's what he really enjoys? Or if I hate them do I have a right to not wish to send them. I'm just not dirty minded and it doesn't come easy to me, yet put me in a conversation about dirty sex with my girls mates and ill happily join in, I'm confused by that!

[JBeaucaire]

DIRTY TEXTS - just make a decision. They're acceptable or they aren't. If they are, then enjoy them. If not, ignore them. If he asks why you ignore them, just downplay it... "You can do that, I just don't do that, OK?" Guys tend stop things that get no response at all, good or bad.

DATE WEEKS - Your relationship is young and your guy wants some help. This is potentially AWESOME.

Being in school and being poor are difficult hurdles and you two need to tread gently. Sex is a horrible "free" activity to engage in because you open the door to the universe crashing all your plans with its own, birth control is, after all, a "hope" not a guarantee. Becoming a parent would kill school and make you even poorer. So, careful on the sex thing, a real time bomb there.

My wife and I met in college. About our fourth month of dating, we created alternating "Date Night." Every Friday night we had a date one of us planned and paid for. It was completely appropriate since we had complete control. We got to do what we wanted and the other person enjoyed the evening. The next week, we swapped and the other person was in charge.

A real benefit of date night is it gives you something to look forward to each week without feeling the need to hangout every day/night. Anticipation is an amazing mortar in a relationship.

The trick to making this work is tolerance. You have to be absolutely willing to participate in the plans the leader makes, including things you normally don't do or enjoy. This part of your relationship is about learning about each other. And you learn by not complaining.

[pinkygal08]

Don't get me wrong I'm not complaining, he has been in relationships before, I haven't, he is older than me, by a few years, when we first went out he was the leader, he wanted sex, I got scared and gave it him, then felt used so ended it, he was gutted I felt that way and through communication we have worked at things and now its all great, we have sex but I don't at all feel used and its not dirty is just love making and good, we also go out and do things if we have the money and we enjoy cuddling up and relaxing with a dvd.
Sometimes I can't work out his mind, which is why just wanted support as to whether it was strange what he has suggested, I take it from feedback, its OK providing during his week he doesn't just want sex or dirty stuff etc. as I said ill stay chilled and see what happens, and see how things go!
Thanks for you help!

[talaniman]

I really like him very much, but sometimes I can't work out what's going through his mind!

I think he feels the same about your mind, and he came up with this as a way to learn about what your thinking about. It could do you both good, to see what the other has on their minds. Go for it, and be honest about it.

[confused25]

I think he feels the same about your mind, and he came up with this as a way to learn about what your thinking about. It could do you both good, to see what the other has on their minds. Go for it, and be honest about it.

Bingo! I don't think he has any bad intentions. In fact, I'm pretty sure he is trying to figure out what the heck it is that you want and enjoy. You say that you are happy with whatever you two do, but do you actually convey that to him? I bet he's confused as to whether you enjoy the dates he decides on and he wants you to speak your mind some more. This may actually be good for both of you. Give it a try.

Oh and stop trying to "figure him out." You're only making things more complicated if you do that and you may even blow things out of proportion. Most guys are pretty straightforward. Just ask him "Hey so what gave you the idea to do this my week, your week thing." I'm sure he'll tell you why.