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chessie1 · Mar 29, 2008, 06:26 PM

My boss and I get a long very well and he makes it quite obvious that he likes me. After our Christmas party, quite a few people told me the following day that they think he likes me. They said it was so obvious. That gave me the courage to tell him how I fell, even though I cowardly put it in an email. He told me he had some bad situations and it wouldn't be a good idea. He is very protective of himself and doesn't reveal anything personal to anyone. He has told me a few times that he is guarded. He still jokes and flirts with me and on occasion acts cute by saying things to me that he knows I will think is cute. I cannot tell if he just likes the attention but at the same time, I can see it in his eyes the way he looks at me. I have never felt this way about anyone and it is making it harder to be around him. I will never bring up my feelings to him again for sake of embarrassment but I wish he would stop acting the way he does with me - it is too painful. We make each other laugh constantly and he sends me silly text messages throughout the day. When he looks at me that certain way, I just know that he has feelings but he will not do anything. He seemed a little upset the other day and when I asked him about it, he later sent me a text that no one has been able to figure out the combination to him yet. That is the second time he has said that to me recently. It is as if he wants to reach out to me but is too unsure. He has mentioned to me in the past that he is guarded from everyone, except me a little. Knowing he will never do anything, what do I say, if I even should, to get him to stop going above and beyond to be cute and funny with me?

dlee889 · Mar 29, 2008, 06:29 PM

You could just put it to him and ask him to be straight with you.

talaniman · Mar 30, 2008, 06:38 AM

but I wish he would stop acting the way he does with me - it is too painful.

You can't control what another does, but you can control what you do. If you cannot understand the dangers of a workplace relationship, You need to back off, and think long and hard about it, before you let your feelings get carried away from you. Obviously he knows about those dangers, so he may be friendly, but is not crossing that line, and neither should you, as he is your BOSS, not a high school crush. Deal with your feelings in an adult way, and leave the drama and intrigue at the door. Don't let your co workers lead you down a bad path with their egging you on. This is WORK, and if you can't be professional, you don't need to be there. Sorry to be so harsh, just trying to spare you a lot of heartbreak, and humiliation.

s2tp · Mar 30, 2008, 06:47 AM

I agree with Tal, there are boundaries in the workplace and dating the boss, or even flirting with the boss should not be allowed. It seems like you have a work situation where coworkers and managers flirt openly and talk about it. I don't think that is very wise, but it is what it is. If you want to figure out where he stands, let him know the flirting needs to stop, and you have to stop it too.. . I know it sucks to not be able to be with someone you like so much, but this is not a good situation to try it.. Best of luck

K_3 · Mar 30, 2008, 07:07 AM

Some men just love to flirt. They can even have that warm glow in their eyes that makes you sort of melt. That is just part of their flirting. He told you it would not be a good idea, that is what he meant. Don't try to read between the lines or anything into what he said, because there is more than likely nothing there. Having a relationship with anyone in your work place is not a good idea, especially with the boss. When it is done, so are you.

I do not know how old you are or how many relationships you have had, often when someone is young or not used to attention from the opposite sex, they tend to read more into cute remarks and actions than is intended.

You did not say what the remarks were, if they are harmless or out of line. If they are harmless, learn how to banter with someone of the opposite sex without it being serious. If they are out of line, you can tell him to quit which could put a real strain on your job. If you stop reacting, he will probably stop. If you do not react to someone's actions, they soon tire of not getting a reaction and stop.

From what he says about being guarded etc, sounds like in a relationship he would be way too much work anyway, don't try to be a savior of someone who does not want to be saved.