[MichaelPozun]

For some reason I have been a loner most of my life. I can't really pinpoint one real reason why. I'm a good looking guy (from what I've been told) and I'm easy to get along with. Sometimes it bothers me, while sometimes it doesn't. I don't like many people and I enjoy doing things on my own. I'd rather stay in my room on a Friday night than go out to the club or drinking. There are times, however, when I wish I had more friends to do stuff or didn't make up excuses not to hang out, and it's been depressing me lately.

My entire childhood was filled with moving from one place to the other and I never really grew any close friendships. I was always introverted and people picked on me and called me "the mute". Social situations always made me nervous because I never knew anyone. Now that I'm 19, I've noticed that I've grown into myself a little, but I still have the same fears. Like I'll make plans with someone to do something, and I'll think about it all day and get anxious. I'll dread the decision to actually make plans about an hour before. It'll keep going through my head that what if they don't like me, or what if there's an awkward silence and we won't have anything to talk about. Then what?

Or sometimes I'll walk into a classroom full of people, and it'll make me so nervous. I'm always worried someone will try to talk to me and I'll make a fool of myself.

I was in my first serious relationship that ended a couple months ago. It lasted for about 6 months and it was the first time I was really able to open up to anyone. But the last few weeks I closed myself off. I was going through some tough times in school and I just wanted to be by myself. My girlfriend didn't understand this and she took it in a bad way. We haven't spoken for two months now.

Then the other day one of my friends, or so I thought, told me she thought we related better online than in person. Even my relationships with my brothers/sisters and parents are suffering. I tend to close off and not talk and they wonder why I'm so quiet.

I just don't think this is normal. I feel that the lack of social interactions with my peers at a young age really hindered my development for life. I can't form any meaningful relationships. Now I have no clue what to do. I want to fix this problem, but I'm not sure how. Does anyone have any advice for me?

[JBeaucaire]

Yes, it's normal. And it's normal for you to be able to note these things about yourself you don't like and seek to make them better. This is all GOOD stuff, dude.

As for relationships, I remind you that the internet, emails, text messages, chat rooms, IMS, all that is not a subsitute for being around people. True, many people are wittier in IMs that in person, but that's just because they're not being self-conscious.

The trick is to practice being as carefree and fun in person as you are in an IM. It can be done. But... it takes practice. And practice means doing.

So, stay out there, meet more people, laugh, be silly, play sports, go hiking, volunteer at the YMCA, DO THINGS that make you NOT boring.

You'll do fine.

[TrueFaith]

Never to old to change man its good you see these problems and you being here. Shows you're a caring person who wants to improve on himself.


I'm kind of in the same boat as you. This place is helping me along ;)

Good luck

Regards

[talaniman]

Given your circumstances, and upbringing you are so normal. I think many feel as you do, they just don't put it in writing on a public forum. Just keep in mind that your still young, and learning, and no doubt you will make many changes to yourself, as you grow, and learn. That you are already starting to identify what you think are drawbacks about yourself, bodes well for you also coming up with a plan to change them for the positive. That's a good thing and I hope you have a great time becoming who you ultimately want to be. Just love yourself, and be patient with yourself and you will eventually get where you want to be. Sky is the limit. Go for it!

[Scleros]

I'm not a psychologist, but I do identify with your childhood experience. Your natural introversion was negatively reinforced. Unfortunately, the world is an extroverted type of place and extroverts typically do not comprehend an introvert's "me" time as their coping mechanism for stress. Fortunately, you've recognized this trait at an early age and can learn about personality types and differences and how they impact interactions with others. It also seems like you might suffer from social anxiety. Google the topic and here are some resources:

Social Phobia World :: The Social Anxiety Sufferers Website
Social Anxiety Support - Home Page
Social Phobia/Social Anxiety Association

You could also talk to a counselor at your school if you go to school. Anxiety is treatable by training yourself to think differently, but you may need outside assistance to do so effectively.

[kaitou]

I think what you're going through is really normal. In fact I used to be just like you. About a year ago I really started re-evaluating myself, and feel like I need to make some changes. I used to be self-conscious, low in self-esteem, introvert, and you get the idea, but a year ago I told myself I don't want to go on in life like this, I want to be more outgoing, I want to be a go getter! That's when I started changing myself bit by bit and I think with time and many positive experiences, it really made me a happier, more confident person.

I've gained so many new friends, even best friends, from just changing myself to someone that I can love. I think the most important thing is to love yourself first, be someone that you can be proud of, be someone that you can present to others without fear! That's what's important, and then everything else become easy.

So my advice is find who you want to be, and pursue it. Don't be scared of changes, sometimes changes can be for the better. Start exploring the world, Meet people, and most importantly have fun! And you can do all this at your own speed, and with ease. BE INITIATIVE!

It's never too late to change, and you're only 19!

[cerisa]

Michael, many of the people you see every day have this same problem. Many of those people are television, and movie actors. It is true. ACTING upbeat, positive, brings a same response. You do not need to rehearse or be false. Just ACT as if you are confident. Act it.Walk tall, keep your head up, be "busy". You do not have to say very much, just "hi howya doin'" and "what's new with you", and "same old same old "get most people through an entire day and dozens of encounters. You are not required to fill in quiet spaces, if there are any and you feel on the spot, ask someone about themselves. Most people would rather talk about themselves anyway. Seriously read some biographies of famous actors, they do this same thing.