[lilwhitegirl116]

I had met this guy, who is so amazing and treated me like I was a princess.. I knew he was the one for me even though I was only 16 at the time. He just clicked with me. He was interested in me first and he even told me that he fell in love with me the moment he met me. It was perfect. Everything was going great but into our relationship, there was one guy who I had a thing with way back during my freshman year. He was my friend but my boyfriend was very insecure with him being around. However, one night, my friend came over just to hang out and he pressured me into hooking up with him. I felt so awful and I tried to keep it from my boyfriend. He eventually found out from my sister that my friend was over at my house. Of course I regret it more than anything in this world. My boyfriend (Philip) and I tried to work things out and we eventually moved passed that. Everything was going so well.. he was everything I ever wanted. I fell in love with him. During the time, my friend came on to me again and asked if I wanted to have sex with him. I never actually did but I did agree to it, he seduced me once again.. I kept it from philip again and when I told him, he broke down and cried. I standing there cried my eyes out too.. never again would I do that. Philip was such a good supporter, I was actually surprised that he still wanted to be with me. After that I never did anything like again.. hell no, I loved philip more than anything. Then towards thanksgiving, it had been over a year being together. I had fallen behind in school and I asked philip for a break just to get my grades up.. I could tell he was heartbroken, but I had to do it for myself. He had left town one weekend for football playoffs and I was at my best friends house. Two of our guy friends came over to play guitar hero. It ended up snowing and the two guys ended up sleeping over. My best friend being the moron she was told one of the guys to hook up with me.. in a way I was so sad about my break with philip but I wasn't going to do it. I loved him so much. However the story got turned around and people thought we did. Before christmas, philip and I had talked and exchanged our gifts towards each other.. he wrote me a beautiful love note that made me sob my eyes out.. but I knew that I had to get my grades up so I said for now please.. I need a break. For some reason though, we were just hanging out all the time still.. which was a very bad mistake.. at a party together, I was chatting with his friend and he asked what was going on with philip and I. I told him that we weren't together and philip overheard. He then started flirting with some other girl which PISSED me off so I left the party.. I just hurt so badly inside. He had left for Arkansas and during that time the same guy that wanted to hook up at my friends house came on to me.. asking me to have sex. I absolutely told him NO.. and he went around and told philip the exact opposite. Philip then broke up with me and said his heart couldn't take it anymore that he didn't love me anymore.. im so devastated.. and we haven't really talked since. I've told him that I didn't lie to him and that I love him more than anything.. and being away from him is so painful. We've been broken up since around January.. but I still want to be with him so badly. He said we both needed space so I'm respecting that.. what do I need to do to show him that I love him and for him to realize that I'm not a liar nor a cheater in anyway? He's who I want to be with.. and I want him to see what a good person I am. :,( I can't get over it as hard as I've tried. I just think about him all the time. I'm even seeing a therapist but I still want him back in my life. He was my best friend, my first love.

[Gregisteredtrademark]

Wow that is quite the story. But let's look in the mirror. You say your not a liar or a cheater, but you admit in the beginning at you "hooked up" with another friend (cheating part) and tried to keep it from your boyfriend (this would be the lying part). Now you might be saying, but that was so long ago. But to him it wasn't. You have hurt him more than you can imagine and you, as told by your story, did this on multiple occasions. I am not him so I can say what he will do, but if it were me... I would never be able to trust you. If you really love him, the best thing you can do is let him be, if he wants to come back to you than so be it. If you attempt to pressure him or convince him of how you are a "good person", you will just push him further away.

[jasmine_rezzag]

You have been with Philip,but you still have sex with your friend when he asked for,which is totally unacceptable and is definitely betray!! So after that,you wanted to have a break for grade up,even you told him you did not have sex with your friend any more he does not believe you any more!if he did the same thing to you would you believe him? I can see you can't be a one-man woman! A man asks you for sex,you agree! For what? You like sex?but you have philip!or you like sex with different man? You have no idea of loyalty in your mind?Have you ever think about your bf's feeling for that?how could you say you love him so much?what is love?

If you want to get your grades up,I don't think you need to have a breakup with your boyfriend! Why not tell him your difficult and work together with him?

[talaniman]

You are not ready at this point to be in a relationship, so work on not being in those compromising positions, that make you lie and cheat. Those are your choices, and you are paying the consequences of those actions, you chose to do. No bodies fault but yours. Taking a break to concentrate on your grades is another lie you have told yourself and no wonder this guy doesn't trust you or believe in you any longer. Learn to be a better, more honest you, young lady, and things may work out much better.

[lilwhitegirl116]

I never had sex with my friend. I never hooked up with anyone else except philip after all that stuff happened.. philip has been the only the person I've been with. We were just spending so much time together that I lost focus on my grades. I never wanted to be with anybody.. I just needed to focus on getting into college which was very important to me. Yeah I've let him be.. as for the guy that I hooked up.. he pressured me and I realized that his intentions were awful and he's not a good person. Not once did I have the intention of doing it.. yeah I screwed up. I've definitely learned from my mistakes because I hurt the one person that I truly cared about and now I've got to learn. I'm just asking what can I do to make him see that I did make a mistake and would never do that again. That's really what I'm asking for.. not to be judged on my past mistakes. After that whole hook up incident I never once did it again. We've been apart for 3 months.. and he says he's not ready to hang out right now. He needs space.. I've learned the hard way but he is someone that meant more to me than anything.. I just would like for him to see that I'm a good person who made really awful mistakes..

[JBeaucaire]

If you expect people to not make judgements based on your past, you expect too much. The whole point of dating is to discover who a person is when the chips are down.

With this guy, you have shown yourself to be unfaithful, mildly committed, easily swayed and prone to "improper opportunity" when he's away for any time at all. That's who you are to him.

You do understand that don't you? I'm not asking if you agree or if it's true anymore or anything like that. I'm asking, "You do understand who YOU have painted YOURSELF to be in the eyes of this man, right?"

The fact that you love him so much is really not his problem, it's your own failure to put action behind your true feelings. If your true feelings were for your BF but you "hook up" (that's just a polite term for having MEANINGLESS SEX WITH SOMEONE YOU SHOULDN'T) with someone else, then you acted like a total idiot and sleaze. You DID that. Not him, he's at least honest about that not being the kind of person he wants to spend the rest of his life with.

I'm using harsh words in an effort to snap you out of your pity party and angry AT YOURSELF. You did this crap and unless you own it, it will forever be a possibility with you. Only you can make this actually BE a thing of the past, by owning up to it in your own mind and heart.

So, he was your best friend and first love. You betrayed that person. I find it ludicrous that you would actually think you can "apologize" your way back into his life. It not only isn't going to happen, it really shouldn't. Those things would forever be between you, and even YOU don't deserve THAT.

No, the point of this pain you're feeling now is to REALLY CHANGE and become a faithful, loyal person and take that trustworthy behavior into your next relationship. That one will not have these betrayals in them and you will be stronger together because of it. It's what makes you better.

There really is no going back. Please DON'T try to forget him, it's the remembering what you did and what it costs you that will keep you in line forever in the future.

[talaniman]

I think you must accept that your actions have turned him off to you, and you should change, so this never happens again. He may have been your first love, and now he is your first heartbreak. You can recover, and heal from this, and learn.

[lilwhitegirl116]

Oh yes I definitely have learned and never will I do such a horrible thing again.. it lost me someone who was very dear to me. I guess my main question is.. what can I do to make him see that I've changed and for him to trust me again so that maybe in the future things could possibly be worked out?

[dlee889]

Things may never work out in the future with you and him ,but later you may be friends. Learn from this and don't make the mistake again,sex is over in an instant, love lasts forever. Trust take time to built up and can be destroyed in an instant

[ihatewestseneca]

If I were Phillip... I wouldn't ever speak to you again... and that's what you may face because of your total disregard for his feelings... you are selfish, young, and stupid. Leave this great guy alone, you don't deserve any of his time.

What I found most interesting is that when he was flirting with another girl even though you two had broken up, it made you mad... how do you think your cheating and lying made Phillip feel?

I don't think things will work out in the future... if Phillip has any self respect he'd want a girl that will treat him right. Its amazing he took you back after you cheated the first time.

Psh "seduced"... nobody can seduce anyone unless they want it too. Don't call Phillip.

[jasmine_rezzag]

I totally agree with ihatewestseneca!

[lilwhitegirl116]

I didn't need to be told I was a bad person. Everyone makes mistakes.. and if you learn from them then there's always something good that can happen.

[JBeaucaire]

i didnt need to be told i was a bad person. everyone makes mistakes..and if you learn from them then there's always something good that can happen.

... and if you DON'T learn from them, you are still capable of flattening the heart of the next guy you date. Fair?

Honestly, hon, you really did need us to confirm the "bad person" behavior, you really did. That's what REAL friends do, they talk straight and believe your maturity will help you realize you are hearing what you NEED to hear.

Everyone here wants you to succeed. That's why we are on this forum, to interact HONESTLY and straight about the choices we make and the real effects they will have. I'm sure you have plenty of people in your life already who will placate you and say "everything is gonna be alright." We don't usually waste time with stuff like that because it mostly isn't true. Everything is going to be exactly like whatever it is and you have to deal honestly with that.

So, yes, everyone makes mistakes. If you want some strong support from people who have your back IF YOU WANT TO DO BETTER, than this is place. If you just want to feel better about yourself and what you did, your existing friends will do that for you. They usually don't want to rock the boat and will give you plenty of that.

No, nobody WANTS to hear it, but it is what needs to be said. You can take it, you're a grownup. Grownups practice talking about difficult things in real terms and resist the urge to duck the issues or the responsibility.

[jasmine_rezzag]

Even now I still can see that you still totally DO NOT understand what the problem is! You should leave Philip alone! If you did have changed,someone will see that and maybe that person will cherish you for that! BUT don't think about how could make others to see your change! Just do it if you really understand if I do not misunderstand you!

[jasmine_rezzag]

By The Way,you Do Not Change For Somebody,but You Change For Yourself! Hope You Can Get This Point!

[talaniman]

Changing to get him back will never work.