[sumdaze]

Married over 25 years with children. Husband is involved on a board that meets once a month with other dinners and meetings that can happen between. He found common ideals with another (female married) member of the board, they car pool together, call on cells. Some I knew about and let them have privacy because sometimes it's confidential info.
What I didn't know is they ride around after meetings, go out to eat or for coffee. I also didn't know how much they called each other until I reviewed cell phone bills and was shocked. She mostly calls my husband on her lunch or on her way home from work. My husband goes outside or in the garage when he calls her. A few months ago they accumulated 195 cell minutes over a one month billing period. (Most months close to that)
My husband says he feels more comfortable talking to her when none is around. LOL Rarely have I heard him talk to her on the phone and just recently learned about the after meeting drives. Their last "coffee" after meeting was 1 1/2 hours at a local coffee shop. I didn't know where he was until he came home. I feel this is beyond "board business".
She also worked with me for a while, now that we don't she no longer talks to me.
My feelings: It should remain board business, keep it in the board room. (He claims they have grown into being "friends". He loves the attention from any female, she is a few years older. Did I mention he cheated on me before? It was brief but awful with someone who started as a friend too. I feel like history is trying to repeat itself and is uncovering many old hurts for me.
I don't think anything is going on sexually with this one, but it's time away from me and it hurts my feelings. He thinks I'm over reacting and says he will continue the friendship. I find it disrepsectful to me. If he wants to go for coffee after a meeting why can't the spouses go? (We can, but they have things to discuss.)
I am not a fan of female friends with married men, especially mine. It's not just about board business and clearly she doesn't want to be my friend. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

[talaniman]

It's not just about board business and clearly she doesn't want to be my friend. What would you do if you were in my shoes?

You know her, and as you say it may be nothing. But the rule in my house is, I know my wife's male friends, (she knows my female friends) and am more than welcome to join them, anytime, anywhere.as she is welcome the same. Having said that, could this be fallout from his cheating, with a friend before? Think about this very carefully, and I think its best to trust, and be disappointed, and hurt, than not to trust, and start a real disaster. You do have every right to discuss, and express your feelings, and maybe talking to her is possible. You are under no obligation to be disrespected, or eat his crap though.

[JBeaucaire]

The only time your husband needs "privacy" on a phone call is once a year while planning your surprise party. If he feels the need to go private in the garage, I would find a lot to do in the garage, keep it humorous, but he needs to know that he's acting suspiciously and shouldn't do that since it's not loving. You're his wife, she's just a colleague. Your opinion on this should be much more important to him.