[Alty]

As long as it doesn't involve a white rat and spanking, sure, go for it.

[ISneezeFunny]

The Muffin Girl

I had recently gotten out of a serious relationship of 3 years. She asked me out to lunch, and I figured... it can't hurt. It's just lunch. After 2 - 3 lunches, we met up for dinner. At dinner, (after knowing her for 2 weeks) she looks at me and asks, "So, what are we now?" I put my fork down.

::clears throat:: "um...what?"
"What are we now?"
"we are...friends."
"ok, just checking"

I should have ran for the hills, but I was in need of friends... so I stuck around. A week later, we went out to a movie, then we went for desserts at a local bistro late at night. When we got back to my place (where she was parked), we found her tire flat. Since it was raining, cold, and late, I told her to spend the night and I'd change the tire in the morning. I spent the night on the couch while she slept on my bed. NOTHING happened. The next morning, I wake up to the smell of muffins. Yum. Then I realized, she's cooking breakfast. No big deal... she's saying "thanks" for last night... no biggie.

Then I heard the washer running. I thought, "My roomie's doing his laundry..." nope. He hadn't woken up yet. I looked at her...

"Are you doing my laundry?"
"yeah, I saw your pile and figured you needed it done"
"yeah...but...well, thanks...but...really. I can do my own laundry"
"no, really, it was no trouble"
"ok...but in the future, please. let me do my own laundry"

What got me out of that?. isn't it obvious?

[friend4u178]

Here you go Alty , a Joke just for you :-)

WIFE FROM HELL

A police officer pulls over a speeding car. The officer says, ' I clocked you at 80 miles per hour, sir.'

The driver says, 'Gee, officer I had it on cruise control at 60, perhaps your radar gun needs calibrating.'

Not looking up from her knitting the wife says: 'Now don't be silly dear, you know that this car doesn't have cruise control.'

As the officer writes out the ticket, the driver looks over at his wife and growls, 'Can't you please keep your mouth shut for once?'

The wife smiles demurely and says, 'You should be thankful your radar detector went off when it did.'

As the officer makes out the second ticket for the illegal radar detector unit, the man glowers at his wife and says through clenched teeth, 'Damit, woman, can't you keep your mouth shut?'

The officer frowns and says, 'And I notice that you're not wearing your seat belt, sir. That's an automatic $75 fine.'

The driver says, 'Yeah, well, you see officer, I had it on, but took it off when you pulled me over so that I could get my license out of my back pocket.'

The wife says, 'Now, dear, you know very well that you didn't have your seat belt on. You never wear your seat belt when you're driving.'

And as the police officer is writing out the third ticket the driver turns to his wife and barks, 'WHY DON'T YOU PLEASE SHUT UP? '

The officer looks over at the woman and asks, 'Does your husband always talk to you this way, Ma'am?'

I love this part... :


'Only when he's been drinking.'

[Alty]

Sneezy - Okay, you said "Isn't it obvious?" Nope, uh, uh, I'm on my second beer, nothing is obvious, including the nose on my face. Please tell me how you got out of it. Please.

F4U - Hee, hee, love it, absolutely love it!

Thanks guys, I feel a bit better. Sneezy, do complete the tale.

[friend4u178]

F4U - Hee, hee, love it, absolutely love it!

Well I thought since you were drinking Beer I better get a joke that was topical :-)

[Synnen]

/waves

[ISneezeFunny]

Well, the WHY is easy. She did my laundry. I barely knew her!! Just the thought of her touching my clothes... ::shudders::

The HOW?. I just stopped picking up her calls. A d-bag move? Yes. But... she belonged in my crazy pile.

[Alty]

Oh, I totally read the post wrong. I thought the muffin girl was your ex that you'd been dating for 3 years. Oh Alty, no more beer for you, it does bad things to your aging brain.
Hey, do you think the hair dye did something to my mind? Uh, oh, I might have just dumbed myself down. HELP!

[friend4u178]

well, the WHY is easy. she did my laundry. I barely knew her!!! just the thought of her touching my clothes...::shudders::

the HOW? ...I just stopped picking up her calls. a d-bag move? yes. but...she belonged in my crazy pile.

Think I remember her sneezy , wasn't it Sue??

[ISneezeFunny]

It WAS sue!!

God what a nutjob she was...

[Alty]

Sneezy, stick with HChicky, she's the one for you. Really, I have a feeling that you guys could really have a great relationship. Just pack your bags and move to Nashville. Maybe your dog will eat her cat and you won't have to worry about your allergies. Hey, did I just say that? HChicky, you know I was kidding, I love your little kitty, besides, I think your cat's bigger than Sneezy's dog anyway, so there's not chance that kitty would get eaten. Man, I've got to stop typing, beer bad for Alty brain.

[startover22]

NOooooo, Sneezy you got to finish first, the comute would kill you. Plus our sweet entertainment wouldn't be as fun without the suspence still... I like it:)

[Alty]

Starty - If he moves to Nashville then we'll get to hear about all the things they did the night before. We're talking about a different type of entertainment.

Did I mention that I get a dirty mind when I drink beer?

[ISneezeFunny]

Hahahaha

y'know it's funny no one's ever mentioned the age difference.

[startover22]

I never even knew there was one... how many years and can you handle it cause that's all that matters really sweet heart!
Alty, I suppose we all know now... LMAO

[Alty]

Darnit, I let my little secret slip. Like I have any secrets left.

Want to hear something sad, I don't color my hair because I want a change anymore. I actually saw a few grey ones popping up. My mother was right about grey hair, pluck one and ten come to the funeral. Die grey hair DYE!

Hey Sneezy, I think that HChicky is only 29, that's not such a huge leap. Just be lucky I'm not single, otherwise I'd be going after you myself. Talk about an age difference. Really, it's the beer talking. Bad Alty, bad girl.

[startover22]

Ohhh Alty, you better stop now... lol
I stopped dying my hair and I have a few GOOD greys myself, but my dark hair seems to do me good... I am beginning to see my true Indian self... LOL

[ISneezeFunny]

Whoa. Down alty. Down.

[Alty]

I have naturally dark hair too, with grey highlights.

I had auburn hair as a child, so I thought I'd regain some of my childhood and go auburn again. Hubbies on nights this week so he's in for a surprise tomorrow.

Feeling Hot, hot, hot. Rarrrrrr.

[startover22]

Wow, then keep it coming love... HeeHee!