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daisydew · Mar 25, 2008, 09:32 PM

I think I may get too attached to guys at the beginning of relationships. I was single for about a year, and feeling really independent. About a month ago I met this new guy and we started hanging out every day. We've started spending most nights and free time together. I think about him all the time, and just always want to be with him. Is this a normal feeling when a new relationship starts?
The problem is, he's leaving for grad school after this semester. We will never be anywhere near each other again unless we make plans to see each other. He says he really likes me, and I really like him too. My friends have told me to just enjoy the 2 months we have left together, but part of me doesn't want to keep getting more and more attached. I don't know what to do... any suggestions?

simoneaugie · Mar 25, 2008, 09:39 PM

There is a difference between being in love with someone and just loving them. Being in love is similar to taking a drug. Not a bad thing, really, it's a good drug. But if being in love with him is hampering your ability to be OK with yourself, you may be addicted to the feeling. Learn about the difference between these two states: Loving a person, and being in love with a person.

talaniman · Mar 26, 2008, 05:49 AM

Your enjoying things now, and your having fun, and don't want that to stop. I hear you! All good things must end though, and reality is calling.

daisydew · May 28, 2008, 12:42 PM

I met this guy at college a little over 3 months ago. We really hit it off and hung out just about every day and night for the 3 months. The only problem is that he knew he was leaving for grad school in another state. He had a problem committing to the bf/gf title saying that it wasn't necessary for us to have a title. After a few weeks, he told me that he was telling people we were together though. He also told me that he didn't believe in long distance relationships. All of these should have been giant red flags for me to get out of the relationship, but we were having so much fun I thought he'd change his mind. We have a lot in common and we even went on a couple camping trips, just the two of us.
At one point about 2 weeks before he was leaving we were having a conversation about the future and he said that he thought I was more into him than he was into me. But then, like 4 nights before he left he came over after he was drinking and told me that he loved me. I told him not to say that because he was just drunk. He said no, it's true, I really do. When it was time for him to leave, we just had this really emotional goodbye of crying and hugging. He told me he thought it was best that we don't talk for awhile since the goodbye was so hard.
I'm so torn up over this. I told him I didn't want to break up, but he said it would never work. I just don't know why he would send me so many mixed signals. He told me all the time that he really liked me, but now he can't even talk to me? It's probably for the best that he is giving us space. I'm just so upset about it, and I can't stop thinking about him. I blocked him on Facebook, and deleted his number out of my phone. It's so hard to have him break up with me even though nothing was wrong with the relationship. Now I'm stuck wondering what could have happened, or what could still happen. Thanks for listening to me rant.

supergirl2008 · May 28, 2008, 12:45 PM

Wow... I went through the same thing... Girl honestly, don't wait around. You don't know what he is doing. I as torn for weeks.. literally, and accepted the fact that we couldn't be together, finally when I did, he wrote me a sweet email and we are back together. If its meant to be, he will come back hun. Promise.

talaniman · May 28, 2008, 01:04 PM

he said that he thought I was more into him than he was into me.

You sure fell fast and deep in 3 months. He didn't.

daisydew · May 28, 2008, 01:53 PM

Yeah, even though he said that, it seems like he was getting more into after that. It was his idea to go camping afterwards. And why would he tell me that he loves me after that?

talaniman · May 28, 2008, 03:11 PM

He probably mean't it at the time, the question is how much love did he have. Hey, we all love to hear those words, but actions are what we should pay attention to. Even then we can still get in to deep.

daisydew · Jul 27, 2008, 01:04 PM

Does trust develop in a relationship, or does it have to be there from the beginning? I'm currently in my 3rd "real" relationship. I was with my last 2 boyfriends for 2 - 3 years each and I never felt like I could really trust them. I really like the guy that I'm currently with.. we've been together about 5 months. If you've followed my other posts, he's the guy who wanted to break up because it was going to turn into a long distance relationship. He's since changed his mind, and says he wants to go for it. For some reason I just feel so paranoid in my relationships. I'm convinced that they are going to want to go back to their exes or meet some new girl and leave me. I really like this guy, so I don't want to mess it up. Will trust develop in the relationship as we progress? It's obviously a problem within me, so what can I do to help it?

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 27, 2008, 07:27 PM

Trust is earned. I don't think your issue is trust, I think you are just skeptical which was learned by your past and the fact that he lives far away. This is natural. If you really care for him, give it a shot.

talaniman · Jul 27, 2008, 07:33 PM

If you have these issues with all your relationship, then get some help with YOUR issues, either a professional, a trusted older friend, or read a self help book, but do something to adjust your attitude, or cope with those feelings, or you will have a hard time trying to be in a healthy relationship.
Good luck!!

daisydew · Jul 27, 2008, 07:37 PM

Heh I've been seeing a therapist for over a year now... I thought I had overcome the feelings of jealousy, but for some reason they are really showing up right now! Maybe I will look into some self help books

friend4u178 · Jul 27, 2008, 08:32 PM

I'm a great believer in the following quote...

"I've learned that it takes years to build up trust, and it only takes suspicion, not proof, to destroy it"

KissMe10der · Jul 27, 2008, 11:06 PM

For me, Im different. I give trust, and they have to keep it.. but once its gone... ITS GONE! But its different for everyone. I think you need to let go a little, dating is supposed to be fun. Yes hearts get broken, but its all in learning and getting to know yourself and your likes and dislikes. With not trusting and dating them for so long... why did you break up.. Were you right not to trust them? If so... maybe you need to listen to your instincts?

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 27, 2008, 11:13 PM

If you've been mislead, cheated on, been heart broken, anything to that effect trust is rare anyway, so you want that person to earn your trust.

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 27, 2008, 11:20 PM

Thanks Friend, I am one of those people, so I know. My trust takes time to earn, and once it's broken your out of my life forever. I'm not a very forgiving person when I'm betrayed.

friend4u178 · Jul 27, 2008, 11:22 PM

Originally Posted by ChihuahuaMomma

I'm not a very forgiving person when I'm betrayed.

LOL... I think that's pretty normal :)

ChihuahuaMomma · Jul 27, 2008, 11:23 PM

Not really though.. I mean around here... I hear "well he cheated on me, but I'll stay cause I love him"... well, I've been hearing that a lot lately.

daisydew · Jul 27, 2008, 11:27 PM

Yeah both my boyfriends lied to me and betrayed my trust, so I'm sure it must partly stem from that. I think you're right that he needs to earn my trust... I just hate the feeling of being so paranoid in the mean time

friend4u178 · Jul 27, 2008, 11:32 PM

Originally Posted by daisydew

yeah both my boyfriends lied to me and betrayed my trust, so i'm sure it must partly stem from that. i think you're right that he needs to earn my trust...i just hate the feeling of being so paranoid in the mean time

I can understand you being apprehensive about this trust issue , but I also really think you need to remember that its not your current BF's fault that you have been betrayed before.

I think for your own good you definitely shouldn't mistrust him at this point , but I suppose it is an issue you need to work on somehow.