[kimimi]

I've gotten a lot of attention from the opp sex but never gave in until I met my current boyfriend.. I thought that all men were sex hungry (so to speak).. so now that I'm sexualy active I wd think that I'm entitled to a lot of it.. as it turns out I don't get it as much as I'd like. T hurts a lot and I get frustrated and depressed because I think he mt not be attracted to me anymore or something. I never thought that I wd be the one in the relationship to be begging and pulling pants at night to get some. Am I over horney or does he have the problem.

[foryourhelp]

Hello kimmi,
First of all congratulations for your new relation,and secondly talking about your concern..
No,there is nothing wrong with you and nor with him,as you had few experiences in past and you have a general overview of men demanding only sex,but good news is that here you are lucky to find someone who wants more of you than just merely sex.
So everyone is not the same and certainly this guy does respect you and also he is thinking long term.He might be having something more in his mind for both of you ,and he is probably taking it slow.I suggest that you should talk to him,try spending more time outdoors for the beginning,its okay for you to get the urge but you got to wait until he is completely ready for you,This will indeed make your bond strong!
All the best!

[Synnen]

First off--not to get critical right away--but we do NOT condone chat speak on this website. Please take the time to type in proper English, so that we can better help you. Many of us are older than the current txtspk fad, and we can't understand it.

Secondly--have you asked HIM what the issue might be? Communication between members of a relationship NEEDS to be there in order for everyone to be happy and satisfied.

My suggestion is to ask HIM why he's not as responsive to you as you'd like.

[kimimi]

First off--not to get critical right away--but we do NOT condone chat speak on this website. Please take the time to type in proper English, so that we can better help you. Many of us are older than the current txtspk fad, and we can't understand it.

Secondly--have you asked HIM what the issue might be? Communication between members of a relationship NEEDS to be there in order for everyone to be happy and satisfied.

My suggestion is to ask HIM why he's not as responsive to you as you'd like.

I'm sorry, I'm so used to broken language and chatting from another forum and also I am trinidadian and we are known for destroying the lanuuage known as english and turning it into a kind of patwa like dialect... so I'l try my best OK... no problem.

I've asked and he says its his penis and that it hurts, but I don't buy that one bit because it never hurts when he is in the mood.

And he's never responsive as I'd like because (his quote) 'i am me and this is just who I am'.but I'm thinking that his penis should not have anything to do with his personality,and I suggested that he see a doctor and he refuses. That's how I figure it may not be is problem but mine.

[kimimi]

Let me clarify...
Its not really a new relationship because this year ended will be three years we are officially together. Its just that he was my first and last sexually and vice versa.the plan was always to get married first but somehow we couldn't resist.we have a great friendship and we have lots of fun together but its just that sex problem.. and I tell him he's stingy with his penis

[Synnen]

Okay... how much are we talking here? Are you after him 5 times a day to have sex? Or once a week?

I know that having a different sex drive than your partner is maddening. My husband's is far higher than mine, and we had to reach some compromises to make both of us feel loved and wanted, without feeling hurt and rejected, and still understanding outside factors play into everything.

You need to sit down with him, sometime when you are not even CLOSE to having sex, and discuss it with him. Try very hard NOT to accuse him. You need to stick with statements about you. "I really like sex with you and would like it more often" and "I feel hurt and rejected when I don't understand your reasons for not wanting sex"--that sort of thing. You may have to come to a compromise--he has it more often than he'd REALLY like, and you have it less often.

IF, however, this is going to frustrate you the rest of your life, you may just want to move on.

[kimimi]

Well we both work and go to school during the week so that's off limits time. I only feel like I could do with some on the weekends to take off the stresses of the week. We used to have sex about 2-3 times on the weekend but now if I get some once I'm lucky.and its hard because when we actually get into doing it it hurts because I'm tight and he's big and also he tends to go fast and hard as if it's a race to see who will come first. The worst part is during sex he asks me if I'm good now and if he needs to go on any longer

[Synnen]

Um... yeah.

You need to talk about it.

Obviously, YOU need more foreplay, and HE wants less time spent overall on sex. That being said, though, if both of you are really busy--once a weekend sounds fine to me! :D But... I'm one of those people that's good with twice a week in general.

Really, you just need to talk about it together--and that means that YOU have to listen to HIM too. Be honest with each other, even if the words might hurt. I mean--if you both act like something is fine when it's not, how is it ever going to get better?

Personally, though---if he couldn't give a better explanation about his lack of interest in sex, I'd probably be done with him---the comment about him asking if you were good yet and if he could stop--yeah. That's just... rude.

[hollylovesbrandon]

I think synnen has given good advice. I think that 1 or 2 times on the weekend sounds good. I have been with my husband for 6 years and sometimes we go like, 2 weeks without sex because we are busy or tired or stressed. But, we KNOW we love each other and there is no worry on either side that we aren't connecting or whatever. Whenever we are ready and able, we will do it. Sometimes 5 times a week, sometimes twice in 2 weeks. It really doesn't matter the frequency of the sex, as long as it is satisfying and intimate. Your sex doesn't sound that way. Maybe he is overly tired and stressed from work and school and he feels that you are pressuring him into doing it when he doesn't feel like it. I think you should tell him how you feel, not only about the frequency of the sex, but also about the intimacy part. Sex should NEVER, may I repeat NEVER be seen as an obligation, and if it is, then someone isn't getting what they truly deserve from the relationship.

If you feel slighted, tell him. If you feel neglected, tell him. No relationship is a relationship if open communication cannot be used. But also, while you're dishing out all these feelings, make sure he has time to dish out his... you may discover something you never knew.

And don't worry about getting sex crazy. We all do it from time to time. But also keep in mind that sex is not the ONLY important part to a relationship. It is important mind you, but other things are just as important... like honesty, respect, and communication. I think you 2 need to work on all those.

[statictable]

If what you say in your posts is true, you should move on.

[Choux]

Just an additional thought, when you are having a discussion with your boyfriend about your needs and his needs, how about discussing having just plain "cuddle time", time for you two to feel close without intercourse? Unwinding time, loving time...