ST,
Unable to determine if you are the adoptee or searching for the adoptee. If you are an adoptee, ISO Birthfamily, Male 46, Spokane, dob 01-1962 ADOPTEE or ISO Male Adoptee,Spokane, dob 01-1962 for birthfamilies searching "adoption lingo" is usually used. The more clear you are the better the possibility for positive results, for example. I am unsure, therefore I will try to cover all the basic's and hope that it can be followed. Just in case.
I suppose you are a birth family member who is searching by the format used, ISO male.
Do you have a website? On myspace? On Facebook? Anywhere online?
Have you posted your butt off? I mean literally everywhere you could find?
Have you joined an adoption search and support message board site?
Like one on yahoogroups or googlegroups.com?
Have you ever used
Google Alert - Professional Web Alerts
You can put in the adoptee's dob, state, etc adopted and see what pops up on a daily basis and have a search engine do the work for you?
Have you joined a group in the state you were born in? Or the adoptee was born in?
The state the adoptee was adopted in? Or the adoptee was adopted into. If different than his birth state.
Do you know what hospital he were born in?
Do you know how much he weighed at birth?
Have you updated your contact information everywhere, even at the adoption agency?
Have you signed or released confidentiality, if one day he wishes to just call you?
Have you requested your non-id information from the adoption agency if an adoption agency was used? You are entitled to information if you are a birth family member. If they did any follow up on the adoption, that is.
If not, do you know the lawyers name that was used at birth?
All of this information can be useful oneday.
If you have any medical conditions, have you petitioned the court to try to find out additional medical information to help you?
To open sealed records.
Especially if a medical condition is genetic by nature.
Such as, bi-polar disorder and a number of psychological illnesses are known to be relative in nature.
Did you know that?
Even depressive disorder.
It runs in family traits.
Join a support group to learn the in's and out's of search and reunion. Learn the basic's first. Don't let it overwhelm you. It can be very overwhelming at first.
Take baby steps. Especially if your search process becomes more difficult.
Many adoptee's do not search until one or both adoptive parents are deceased.
Hopefully, your bio-family will be right online, waiting for you to respond to one of their posts.
Have you tried G's list?
Have you tried the adoption search bank?
Have you registered with ISRR?
Have you registered in your own state with a Adoption Reunion Database?
If your state has one that is.
They may also have a Sibling reunion database.
You could file with one of his siblings names if you wish.
Please check into that one as well.
In some states, they provide what is called a CI to assist you in your search process. There is a fee for this service.
Which chaps my hide to tell you the truth.
If the states did not make it so difficult for all of us, then we wouldn't have to pay the enormous fee's for a CI or private investigators or to the adoption agencies to find out about ourselves.
We should have access to our Vital Records as Adult Adoptee's, just as any other American Citizen.
Or make it less difficult to try to contact our biological families than some law that generalizes all of us in one lump manufactured deception of confidentiality law.
Some birth mother's do not want contact. While others do and spend their lives hoping and praying for the day that you finally find them.
Many brothers and sisters who have been fortunate to know about the child that was adopted, search for their siblings online now-a-days. With great success!
Make a webpage. You can even make the webpage, anonymous!
Make sure you always use an email addy that you will remember and follow up upon on occasion.
Many searchers, forget. They get busy and move on in their lives and do not follow up on posts or emails. For example.
For me, I was as open as I possible could in my search process. Allowing others to share in my grief, my sadness, my hopes and prayers, my joy's and self discoveries.
I help when I can. I advise when I feel it is necessary. I ramble to hopefully hit a nerve, even at times. To possibly wake up those who do not consider the possibilities of enlarging your family within a reunion process. To achieve hopeful forgiveness within their lives. To understand that the possibilities of a find can be heart-wrenching or miraculous! It is as personal as any family in the world.
Like mine. Everyone who is adopted or is adoption connected within a family, even an extended family, like an Aunt, Uncle, Cousin, can be curious about the what if's in life.
But more than anyone else, the adoptee has what if's that may even save their lives. Or their children's. If some unfortunate illness is lying dormant in ones dna, for example and is unknown.
You may know these things as stated above already. You certainly know some of the ISO lingo! That is used. Please just make it more understandable. ISO Birthfamily, (In search of Birthfamily) Spokane, dob 01-1962 dob, state, etc adoptee or ISO Male Adoptee, dob, state, etc birthmother/father or sister, or you can leave it blank if you are a birthfamily member, etc.
Many birthmothers are made victims to cruel person's who wish to rip them off, pull on their heart strings. Be careful out there if you are. Do not give money to anyone within your search process. Unless you know it is from a verifiable professional investigator with reference's and a license. Otherwise, there are plenty of search angels that perform searches for free or ask you to do some leg work to enable your search process to be fruitful.
But I have posted this information, just in case you or someone else is lurking and wishing to know, as well! Yes, you! Hehe
But I cannot tell all of my secrets. Because there are also those who wish to disable adoptee's and birthfamilies from seeking each other. And they are usually and unfortunately, conditional parents. Who cannot understand the concept due to emotional disablement.
Or their belief that their children do not have a right to know. Even if they are adults, now.
In the eye's of closed record adoption states, adoptee's are forever treated as if we are still children. It is infantile to believe that most of us cannot deal with rejection if it be the case. As an adult, you eventually learn rejection along your life path. And learn to deal with it, if it be the case. As an adult, you eventually learn how to love someone. Learn how to manage your checkbook, learn a ton of things. But as an adult adoptee, you are still unable to access your vital information or choose to contact or search for your biological family? Or be made to feel guilty for wanting to even consider the possibilities. Conditional love is not love. It is control over another.
Unconditional love explores, develops, encourages, seeks, acknowledges, forgives and understands.
I know which one, I am.
Do you? Just something to consider. It may help you in understanding the mind of an adoptee who has found and broadened her family. And feels a sense of wholeness that cannot be summed up in words. But in her actions.