[34ral]

The situation:
I am a 26 year old graduate student. I've been dating my SO (also 26 yo grad student) for about 4 years (with an additional 3 years of off and on before that). In the past, we've done the long distance thing, as well as live together. We live in the same city, but in different apartments now. I've spent tons of time with his family and he with mine. All but a handful of my friends from high school are married (most with kids). My friends from college are single just starting to get engaged. My friends from grad school are all in long term relationships/engaged/married. He has very few married/engaged friends.

Here's the deal: I've reached a point in my life where I want to feel settled. I want to get married and start a family or at least know that this is part of our plan. He can't/won't tell me that. He gets angry when I talk about my future kids, home, and life. He refuses to talk about our future together. It makes him uncomfortable. He's said before that he doesn't want to commit because he might make a mistake and he doesn't want to hurt me. His parents were also married to other before they met one another. His dad always told him not to get married too early because people change.

We are going to be apart for about 3 months this summer. He's looking forward to something different. He's a bit of a homebody and has spent the last semester watching TV and playing video games. (He seems to project his frustration with his social life on our relationship.) I'm hoping that he has a good time and feels less dependent on me. I'm also hoping that the time apart helps him understand what he wants from our relationship.

I just want to know that we are headed towards marriage and family. Otherwise, I may be wasting my time. Should I give him an ultimatum or wait it out?

Any thoughts?

[talaniman]

He isn't ready, so your wasting your time waiting for him. He can't even talk about it. That you have been through a lot, and not developed communication, or the willingness to work together, makes this very doubtful. Sorry, I don't see it, and neither do you.