[mattvit]

WILDCAT, u said this in another thread :It probably has something to do with the way she was brought up. Her parents may have been abusive, so she is used to being treated poorly - she doesn't have to worry about NOT hurting his feelings because he is a jerk and it doesn't matter. You - being the 'good guy' - she has to worry about ALWAYS being nice.

This is my situation bro. this girls ex treated er like **** and cheated on her. Her parents treat her like **** too,like she's a failure. So I guess your statement applies to me as well. This girl would be scared to tell me she made plans with her friends and I would say well why don't u just say it from the start, she wsould be I'm afraid to hurt your feelings. I guess that's bull****, because what she's doing now is really hurting and disrespecting me a crap load.

[Chery]

i know i am leaving her alone now. but she just called me. she was like who is this # thats calling my phone. i was like i dont know. she said well r u calling me and stuff. i say well no. she said uve been doing good giving me space like i asked. she said if i find out ur calling me and ****, im gonna break up with u with out a doubt. then i was like what the hell i didnt do anything. then her voice went all soft and she was like o crap, im sorry i accused u, i know uve been doing good so far. then i said, well ya. then we said buy and thats it.

I DIDNT CALL HER!!!!! I SWEAR.

so what do u guys think of the situation now? is she just needing time to herself to go shopping with her friends and stuff and will get back with me, is she testing me? what the hell is she doing? i know when she called me she was out shopping cuz i checked her online banking and she had spent money at the stores. im so pissed off. please let me know what u think

OK, there is no need to use the 'h' word, you can use heck if need be. But, if I found out my b/f, or anyone else for that matter, checked my online bank account, I'd turn the person in and press charges. This is invasion of privacy, and I don't really care if you are p'd off or not - you have no right to be. Like I said before, you DON'T own anyone but yourself, and once you get used to that fact, the better off you'll be. I don't know where you got your upbringing from, but to me it's evident you need some serious help, before you'll be liked by anyone the way you act at present. Get rid of the 'control freak' and the 'green jealous monster' or you'll wind up alone many times in your life.

Instead of asking if we think she's testing you - you should ask yourself what type of games you are playing and for how much longer. You need to learn to understand where this distrust in people in general is based on and work on it.

Put yourself in her shoes for just one minute, and then you'd not need to wonder why she needs space - you are probably smothering her to no end.

Dear, you really need to work on yourself first, honest - because if you keep this up, you'll never, ever be happy. Understanding, trust, and compassion should be your priority within a relationship, and if it's not there - ask yourself why.


Hoping you'll get there before it's too late for her to give you a second chance, and wishing you lots of luck.

Make sure you like what you see before expecting others to do so.

[mattvit]

I know all that already, thrust me I have had a lot of time to think about mmyself and what I've done to cause her to want space. But imean people make mistakes and we learn from them and that's wnhat makes us better people. And I realise that now. And she knows that because we talked about it when we spoke last week. I would like for her to believe in me because I won't be the dumbass I've been sometimes, and she knows once I know my mistakes I won't repeat them.thats what killing me. We have been together for so long without ANY problems, its only been a few weeks of little fights. If she wants a break from me because of it and that's the reason, I know that I will do things differently and we can work on it to get through it. And she knows that I'm like that that I will look at myself and see the wrong doings and do something about it. I know she has strong feelings for me, and we had many oppertunities to break up and go our separate ways through all this, and she did not want to. She said I just need a break. And I said it will be one for me too so I can reflect on how I've acted sometimes. You guys all say there is another guy. I really don't think so. I honestly feel that she just wants to breath a little or else when I told her, OK lets just break up and make it official, she refused and said I just want a break. So there must be a reason for that. Its only been 2 weeks. And I know she hasent had that much time to get out and do stuff, because her friends aren't available all the time. So I think I should give it till Vday, and see if she contacts me. And then go from there

[Wildcat21]

Well, see - it doesn't work that way with women. She needs to feel attraction for you - you pushed her away. SHe's done with you.

You seem real needy and that's repulsive to women.

[mattvit]

Well dude, if I was smothering her and she said she needs space from me, and she's confused about what she wants then space I have been giving her. Its 3 weels we don't see each other and we talked once last week. And she was crying really hard on the phone. But yet she still didn't make a decition. So she must be conflicted about something. Because I told her OK man I don't want to play these games its been 2 weeks already and I'm not going to go on, so lets just break up and that's it. She still said I just need more time to figure stuff out. Is she doing this as a test to see if I will still be needy if we stay together? Does she not love me or care about me anymore? Y didn't she want to break up after I told her OK lets do it?

[Wildcat21]

Dude - it's not a test. She is seeing someone else - about 99% of the time it's that.

I'd forget about this one - I am big on winback, but this gal is not worth after the crap she has told you and put your through.

[mattvit]

I know your right, but a part of me doesn't want to let go. And I really doubt she would be seeing someone else. But if she is, how can I find out?

[Wildcat21]

You don't find out unfortunately - YOU CAN'T ask her friends - it comes across as jealous and insecure. You will find out one day.

The sooner you let this one go, the sooner a better woman comes into your life. Believe me - I struggled with this stuff for years.

You can't ever put another woman with too much importance in your life. Again, women are part of your life - not your life - you need work, school, friends, family, hobbies, workouts - ALL equally important - make time for all - especially now.

And get out there and meet new women.

[talaniman]

Forget it Wildcat he isn't listening to anyone but himself he wants what he wants and you can't change his mind so let him bump his head against the wall and be miserable,after 40 threads,he still doesn't get it!:cool:

[mattvit]

I get it, its just a hard blow.

[mattvit]

Hi, I've been thinking about everything and I'm getting use to the fact that this has happened its almost a month now that the "space/break" thing started. I was wondering if it would be wrong to call her up and tell her that I want answers for her actions and that I'm moving on and to have a happy life? U guys say that people want what they can't have. This past month she knows she has me, so if I tell her I'm not waiting for her to decide aanymore, and say "CIAO HAVE A NICE LIFE" so she will know she doesn't have me anymore. Will this mes up anything?

[talaniman]

Your assignment Matt,Get a life and leave this girl alone,your starting to sound a little whiny and that ain't good.Leave it alone and find something else to do and think about .It sounds like all you do is moon for a female that is loooooong gone.Hate to be harsh but is there anything in your life beside one lousy female sheeeez.The reast of us males are thinking of taking you "MAN"card so srtaghten up already!

[Wildcat21]

Leave her alone. Period end of story.

She WILL see right through you. Women have extra senses that guys do not have... one of them is WUSSDAR (much like radar) - she WILL know it's a ploy.

The only thing to do is LEAVE HER ALONE NOW!!

[mattvit]

Hey, I haver an update on this BS. I know for a fact that she IS seeing another guy. The same guy I caught her with in the car 2 months ago when she gave me SHI* excuss it was her friends brother driving her home. So on Vday she went out with him ans I saw her get out his car with flowers. I don't know about you but that's major proof something is going on. Anyway she called me to blast me for seeing her and was all BITC**. Wtv we talked for 3 hrs about all kinds of crap. She totally denide ever cheating on me or seeing someone on this "break" she was like I'm still thinking and need more time. I said, you because your messing around with someone else stupid . We ending the conversation with her still wanting time and that she isn't seeing someone. Anyway, I called her back yesterday to put an end to this BS. I called, no answer. She called back after 2 hrs, talking all nice, hi how are you what you doing? Anyway I got right into it, saying I though about lastnite and that this BS she's doing and her accusations and games, and I said, you know what I'm talking about you know what your doing I don't need to tell u. then she was like I'm not doing anything I swear, were just on a break, I just wanted to be alone for a little. I was like you, alone to be with someone else. Anyway I really gave it to her. I told her I'm breaking up with you and leaving you for good. I said you had more than enough time to yourself and to think so your time is up, GAMEOVER. As soon as I started to get into it, she aFREAKED! She started to get emotional, started to cry and was like OMG, why are you getting mad at me,why are you doing this, please don't go, where you going? Don't leave me, I swear I didn't do anything blah blah blah... FING LIES!! Anyway at one poiint she was like well we shouldn't see each other then, I want to break up with u, I was like sweety, did you not understand that IM LEAVING U AND I JUST BROKE UP WITH U 5 Minutes AGO. FING girls man, they always try to get the last word, well not with me. Haha anyway, in the end she was all upset and I at least had the decency to wish her a good life, goodluck. CIAO! She totally freaked out. She was like please don't go stay and talk to me. I was like oh, I have homework to do my life doesn't revolve around u, so good bye. She still was trying to hang on, "y r u doing this please dont go"... so I said goodbye, and hung up. She imidiatly called me back. I did not answer. She then called me another 5 times within like a 2 hr spand. Anyway, so that's what I did. Good or not, I had no choice I had to put my foot down for my own sake. So whether she was fooling around and holding me on a string in case that did not work out, she was having fun playing her game, but its game over now. Garunteed she was totally upset and did not sleep last night. Anyway, I still don't know what the hell she was trying to do. I don't know let me know what you think. Was she genuanly freaked out, you think she will try to come back?

[Wildcat21]

Dude - stop stalking this women leave her alone!! She WITH another guy for a reason.

WHY on earth are you ever on the phone with a women for 3 hours??

This gal is NEVER coming gbacl after your stalking. Trust me. Move on.

Stop calling her. It does NOT help.

She wanted you to break up with her - it's easier on her.

Your post is very creepy.

[mattvit]

Y would she call me back 5 times?

[Confused12]

Bro, Possibly because she doesn't want to lose your friendship... Your not going to change her feelings.. she needs time to herself... Even if she does change her feelings do you think everything is going to go back to normal?? By the way your acting now it may not seem like it but your pushing her farther away... I'm going through the same thing as you are and I know its hell... But the most productive way to fix this relationship is to give each other some space... Don't call her... When you have the urge to call her go to the gym or go over a friends but don't call... Go date other people... Who knows maybe you'll meet a girl who's 100 times better than her, maybe she's doing you a favor... and if you guys were meant to be then she'll find her way back to you... I'm going on my second month of not talking to my ex who I was with for 3 and half years.. she left me for another guy as well... It sucks man... just focus on yourself and keep your head up... She doesn't deserve your time anymore...

[Wildcat21]

She has you as second fiddle in case this other guy doesn't work out - guys can turn real creepy after a month or two. She knows what she has with you.

I agree with confused - you are pushing her a way.

DON'T answer her calls either. She doesn't deserve your time right now.

I been through it as well - AND I met a gal 100 times better.

And please stop insulting her and calling her names. Be the good guy - the fun guy - the guy you were when you first met.

[Confused12]

Yea I agree she also wants to string you along just in case it doesn't work out between her and that guy... You got to man up and cut the string and move on with your life...

[mattvit]

I have been acting like the guy she fell in love with. She wanted space and I didn't call her, or bugg her, and she was happy I was respecting her wishes. It was her that called me. So I did not chase her. I was decent enough to wish her the best. So I'm not totally messed up. Maybe I have pushed her away more, but I don't think its as bad as it could have gotten. So I don't think I've totally messed up. For sure she has been stringing me along, but after telling her I'm leaving for good, the string is cut. I did it for myself to clear my head. I'm sure she was upset because it happened all so suddenly however, for sure she still knows that I'm here and I still have feelings for her.