[Suelle383]

Yes, we broke up cause he felt he needed to "grow up" and have space and couldn't commit his life to one person (he's 25, I'm 29). After the breakup, he called me about 2wice a week to chitchat, blah blah... he still wanted us to see each other once in a while and hang out. But after 6 weeks, I said I can't do this. I've been casually dating other people and I'm pretty sure he's been seeing other girls. So the last thing, I want to do is be their emotionally for him while he's getting physical with other people. I know I can't call him cause it'll just make things worse. It just sucks. I really just miss the friendship, you know?

[Suelle383]

Oh yeah, and he just kept saying he just wishes we could have met 5 years from now. I guess timing really is everything, huh?

[Kevin_s]

Just give him some space, ignore him. It'll all work out... trust me.

[Suelle383]

I know. It just all of sudden hit me on the 2 week mark. I was doing great... then suddenly, I'm sad again and thinking about him. I guess just need to take it one day at a time.

[Trouble321]

Funny because I am 29 and my last ex was 25. He was really immature, so I found out after the relationship ended. Anyway, an idea that might help you to stop yourself from calling. Tell yourself he is?. and that ? Is whatever you want it to be. Say you would not call him if he is on drugs or hanging out at strip clubs or paying for prostitutes. If you can convince yourself he is doing these things, it may help you to not call him.
Also, something else that might help you is watching the movie swingers. I watched it every night I was having a hard time sticking to NC. Powerful message in that movie.
And as always, you have your friends here to help you get through this.

[stressedout43]

Suelle, Keep it up I don't have any great advice except every single one of us that are trying to do No Contact are stuck. We have been going around in circles and feeling like crap. We have to beat the addiction that we have with our EX. If we can make it to the other side of the addiction, we open up to ALL of the possibilities out there. So if you want your EX back or not No Contact has to happen until you feel normal again. At that point you can analyze the situation logically and clearly. I hope that I can listen to my own advise!

[Suelle383]

That was exactly my problem. After we broke up, I just started imagining in my head all this fun he's having and how he's probably already in love with someonelse... blah blah. As if suddenly, his life became so great. Now I'm just trying to imagine that he's doing the same ol' thing, hanging around with his loser friends, sitting at home watching baseball, and completely miserable. Even if its not true, thinking that rather than thinking that he's out there hooking up with a bunch of girls and loving life helps.

[kp2171]

You're absolutely right. It takes time. You have ups and downs.

And yes, sometimes the timing is just bad. I "lost" a love, a woman I think I could have married given time, to "bad timing"... we just were going different directions with our careers... bad timing. Or good. I later met, dated, and wed my betrothed.

By the way, I was 28 and she (the ex) was 23, 2.5 year relationship. She said if wed met 10 years later itd be a no-brainer, that wed be together. Bzzzzzz. Oops. Life moves on.

So... glad to know you know what you need to do. Glad to see you recognize when you are having down moments.

And don't give up on all younger guys. My wife married me after all (im a "younger man" by a few years)... she likes to joke she married a younger guy so she wouldn't be the last one living. I still don't see that as funny. Well, sort of. Her friends told her she liked "puppies"...

Anyway, hang in there. It sucks. Until it doesn't so much.

[GlindaofOz]

Its always better to think that he is living the loser life and you go out and live the high life.

There is no reason for you to force yourself to sit in a darkened room all alone. Its easy to sit home its hard to get out there. After my last break up I was devastated. It was so hard to get that guy out of my system and move on. My friends just pretty much forced me out of my house. At the same time my friend was going through a really bad breakup too and we would just call each other instead of calling the guy. It really helped.

Going no contact is going to help you a lot. Believe me.

Read these posts by other members they are really helpful:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ed-123862.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ghlight=ash123

[Homegirl 50]

Whether he is happy or not is immaterial, the point is you have held off this long, so don't blow it now. You're having a weak moment. It will pass.

[nicespringgirl]

YouTube - The Pussycat Dolls - I Don't Need A Man: Closed Captioned

How about listen to this for a little bit?;)

U can dance with it if you'd like to.:)

[talaniman]

I understand the feelings of loss, but to come here and talk, and not make the mistake of contacting the ex, is a very good sign that you are on the right path, and are serious about your healing. Knowing what to do is one thing, and doing it is another, so you got it right on both points.

[Suelle383]

Thanks everyone! I'm over wanting to call him.. for now. Thank god I have this websit to vent or I don't know what'd I do. Sometimes u just need to get it of you to complete strangers u know?

[Suelle383]

So, some of you may remember my situation from other posts. My boyfriend and I broke up in the beginning of July. He was 25, me 29. We'd been together for 3 1/2 years. We broke up because "he needed to get his life together..felt like if we stayed together any longer we'd have to get married and wasn't ready because he needed to grow up" (those are his words). Anyway, he called once a week afterwards for about a month. Then I finally said, stop this. I don't want to be friends, don't call me. We went NC for 18 days until he called last weekend to chit-chat. So then he starts texting me all last weekend, telling me he still loves me.. blah blah blah... I'll always be his girlfriend blah blah. But nothing about getting back together. He asked to come over on Monday to see me and I said no I was busy and I don't want to be your booty call. He texts me and says, "I know your not a booty call. I just want to see you."

Then, I didn't hear from him for a couple of days.. so stupid me texts him to say, " I'm sorry if I offended you and jumped to conclusions about your intent".

He texts me back today and says "No need to be sorry. I understand. You can do no wrong in my eyes. We do still need to talk, I have a lot to say. I still love you, I"m just confused." He gives no details on when he wants to actually talk.

Is he just trying to keep me dangling on a string? Aagh. The funny part is, I just met someone who I could really like. I mean its early so who knows where it'll go. It just drives me crazy how exes must have this sixth sense where they know when you've just about moved on and met someone new and then decide to reappear in your lives.

[Homegirl 50]

Move on to someone else if there is another one in the picture. This guy doesn't know what he wants, so don't keep the door revolving. At you guy's age, and after that amount of time, you know if you're ready for the next step. He wasn't, so good riddance to him. Move on.

[Skell]

Yes it seems to me that he is stringing you along. What is it exactly that he needed to sort out in his life? Sounds like he is being immature to me.

The problem is though that you are tolerating this behaviour. Your being his little puppy dog. He broke up with you yet you hang around and go running to him at his beck and call. Every time he calls or messages you answer. Why?

Do you have your own life or do you just sit around waiting for him to grow up?

If I were you id put an end to it now. He has to either sort it out and sort it out now, or you should completely end it with him. Break all contact with him. Wipe him from your life and move on.

If he loves you so much why isn't he with you? Doesn't make much sense to me? Does it to you?

[clearlydissapointed]

Follow your heart. If moving on is what you decide to do then so be it. But if giving the one you love a second chance is what you choose then go for it whole heartedly. There are risks to either choice. And with both can be regret. But if you truly want to reconcile and don't because of pride or fear then the regret of not trying could follow you forever.

[Suelle383]

Skell - I know you're right. Sometimes you just got to hear it from someonelse to know you're making the right decision. I'm back on NC which will now include complete NC, meaning I don't answer or respond to his calls. I mean if he was so serious, he knows where I live (even though I'm 40 miles away), he could make the trip and show up at my door... that's the only way I would take anything he has to say seriously.

I'm definitely not just sitting around waiting for him... I've been dating other guys, just haven't found the same connection yet. I know it'll take time but I'm committed to it. Some days are just harder than others.

[Jiser]

Just as a thought... Why not change your number?

[Suelle383]

I don't want to change my # cause then I'd have to deal with giving everyone I know (lot of people) my new #. I think it'll just be easier to not answer... and more satisfying.