[universe]

Don't look too close should you see love's beauty burning bright
Stand back a bit then look once more at such a glorious sight.
When viewed so near it might distort and fool the naked eye.
And everything you saw at first was nothing but a lie.

[tickle]

Very nice, you have talent and insight

[Clough]

I like it! It has a profoundness to it. Is there any particular reason that gave you the inspiration to write it?

[iamthetman]

I love it!

Lots of stuff to think about in there. Great job.

[happy711]

Great job. You should add more to it to make it even better.

[Alias652]

The poem is very insightful, profound, and meaningful. I highly recommend you continue to write poems because I think your potential as a writer will grow with more time and become more introverted. Although I personally wouldn't want you to become too introverted because sometimes poets like that become too abstract to be tangible. I like your universal message. I just wanted to mention the introverted part because my poems aren't exactly like yours, but they aren't very introverted either. Don't hate me. You asked for your poem to be critiqued, so I have some more additional comments. Your message and point is conceptual and literal. It's a beautiful balance. But I think if you focused more on how you felt and less on how you wrote, words would come out more naturally if that makes sense. I just feel like poems like yours flow beautifully when it sounds less like broken down sentences or more like our subconscious or emotions are communicating with us. Again, I think this poem is great. And it's just my opinion. Don't hold it against me. One non-negotiable thing, though, is definitely continue to write about topics like these. It's important to explore your potential as a poet by experimenting with other styles, but never lose your identity. And don't allow others to discourage you. If something doesn't work for you, don't force it. I don't care if everyone in the world hates your poems. You shouldn't be writing for others anyway. I think it's great that you're seeking criticism about your poems, but I feel like when you stop seeking other peoples opinion and you focus more on yourself, that's when you'll evolve as a poet. Poems like these are supposed to come from you, your views, your experiences, your perspectives. You, you, you.

[Alias652]

I actually disagree with one of the reviewers. I like how short this poem is. I think if more is added, it may run the risk of sounding like an explanation because I imagine your personal experiences influenced you. If you continue to focus on that, it may sound more like journaling. Now, if you began journal entries like this and added more context, I think it would be beautiful. It would probably be insightful and epiphanies might occur. But I feel like if you added to the poem, it might have more a personal touch, which would be great for you. But for strangers reading this poem, I personally like how universal the message is. By personalizing it, it'll make it unique, but it can split in the reader's mind. But this viewpoint is definitely subjective. I feel this way because when I read your poem, although I know that it's someone else's experience being expressed, I felt like the poem was speaking to me. I like that. Maybe I'm just selfish like that. One of the things I love about poetry is how it conforms people into a more introverted mindset. With time I imagine it'll happen to you. At that point I suggest revising this poem, not to replace your original piece but so that you can view how you've grown as a poet.

[bushg]

Good poem, one that I would recite to others. Also very helpful advice to follow.

[Jack2794]

I think it is great and it gets you thinking...