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talaniman · Feb 3, 2006, 08:34 PM

I've been exclusive with the same partner for more than 30 years and I thank God for all the fine ladies he put on this earth (Especially in the summer) I'm allowed to look till my eyes bug out but I better not touch or I get the boot to butt treatment. As my wife wears pointed toe boots (Even in the summer),I'm very content with my eyes buggin out!:cool: :eek:

CanadianBrunette · Feb 7, 2006, 10:25 PM

In response to the original question (#1)

The bottom line is that people will always find others attractive whether they are in a relationship or not. This does not necessarily mean that they are attracted to that person. It is human nature to notice people. How would they meet otherwise?

If a couple is secure in their relationship, there should be no issue with finding others attractive. However, if you are finding you want to act on your feelings, then perhaps you should step back and look at your own relationship.

My husband and I see attractive people all the time. We may comment about it. Does it mean we want to pursue something with that person? No... It just means we are human.

Remember... it's okay to look at the menu, as long as you dine at home! ;)

bizygurl · Feb 8, 2006, 06:52 AM

No matter who your with and how much you love them, people are always going to find others attractive. Its only human nature. That's only a primal instinct. But whether you act upoun those feelings is what counts.

I've been married to my husband for seven years and been "with" him for nine. I will admit in my younger years 18 or 19 years old it would have pissed me off if he admitted to me that he found another woman attractive, but I think a lot of that stemmed from the newness of the relationship. You don't really know someone until you have been with them for a few years and a part of me was insecure at the time, because I was afraid that if he founf another girl attractive that he would leave me for her or cheat on me. Now we have been together for so long, that if he wanted to leave me or another girl he found attractive he would have done so. But he also loves me and only me so I don't get upset about it anymore.

I also think there are plenty of guys that I have seen that I think are hot or attractive. I do look Im not dead you know, but its just a attraction. It doesn't mean anything, nothing more. I don't openly admit it to my husband because I don't think its necessary unless he were to ask me if I found someone attractive. I do say however if there is a particular actress who I think is very beautiful Ill say wow she's gorgeous and my husband will agree, I don't get mad cause its true. Or vice versa.

Of course I don't think everyone likes to think the person they are with finds others attractive, but you have to be realistic. How can I get mad at my husband for saying another woman is attractive when I find other men attractive.

blueiman · Feb 10, 2006, 10:18 AM

Originally Posted by phillysteakandcheese

Attraction isn't a choice - you don't just turn it off. I think the key is that when you are in a relationship and committed to each other, attraction to others doesn't matter. Both will still feel it, but not act on it.

If you're in a relationship. And you feel attracted to other people. I believe you're not ready to be in that relationship. You need to be honest with yourself and your partner. This is not easy to do. But, the bottom line is you need to be alone and keep meeting people whom you're interested in and find out if its what you want. Most people just lie to themselves and their partner and continue with the relationship and eventually it doesn't work out. Its easier to stay in a relationship because most people do not want to be alone. So we settle for the one we are with. Your in denial.

NeedKarma · Feb 10, 2006, 10:41 AM

Originally Posted by blueiman

if youre in a relationship. and you feel attracted to other people. i believe youre not ready to be in that relationship.

Got to disagree with that. Just because you're with someone doesn't mean everything else is turned off. As long as you don't act on it you're OK. To go back to the initial post, just saying that you find someone attractive is no cause to break up a relationship; if you find that offensive then it's you that is insecure and you'll have problems in any relationship.

bizygurl · Feb 10, 2006, 10:49 AM

Originally Posted by NeedKarma

Gotta disagree with that. Just because you're with someone doesn't mean everything else is turned off. As long as you don't act on it you're ok. To go back to the initial post, just saying that you find someone attractive is no cause to break up a relationship; if you find that offensive then it's you that is insecure and you'll have problems in any relationship.

I have to agree with NeedKarma on this. You can find other people attractive or in better terms think someone is goodlooking and not have it mean anything more than that. Its human nature to find things that are pleasing to the eye attractive. If we didn't it wouldn't be normal. On the other hand if your expirencing multiple crushes and are even thinking about acting on it, then yes you aren't ready to be tied down to one person, in that I would agree with you,blueiman.;)

Wildcat21 · Feb 10, 2006, 11:14 AM

You are always going to be attracted to others... it's the people with low self-esteem, imature, needy, low confidence that react on them.

DrJ · Feb 10, 2006, 11:17 AM

No, I meant nothing more than simply stating the I find other women attractive. There is no way around that. I know that. It doesn't mean that I have a crush on them or I am going to run off with them. I am secure in my relationship. I love my her deeply.

The issue was with her. I know there is quite a difference in men and women when it comes to attraction (just read my other posts lol). I know how men are and, whether you have found your soul mate or not, men are going to find other women attractive. I just wasn't sure if it was the same with women. I assumed it would be, and from most of the women's posts, I see that it is. I know my girlfriend is young and she is still insecure. Im sure that's really what this all stemmed from.

momincali · Feb 10, 2006, 11:43 AM

You can be falling down drunk in love with someone and you may turn around and see this other person that you just find incredibly attractive. That didn't change your love. As a few others have stated, you can be attracted to someone else, as long as you don't act on it and also as long as you don't keep putting yourself in positions where you are continually around that person you're attracted to. Putting yourself constantly in their face is you begging to have something start. But if you see that person on occasion and think, wow, this person is hot, no biggie. Your girlfriend is only kidding herself if she says that she has NO attraction to anyone else. Maybe she feels guilty admitting it? Maybe she's insecure and doesn't want you to be attracted to others for fear of losing you? As long as you aren't hardcore gawking at other women while you're with her, cause that's just disrespectful, she should be okay with it. A look here and there while you're with her is innocent, just be discreet.

happysosnappy · Apr 29, 2007, 08:52 PM

I'm on the other end of it. I've been with my boyfriend for 8 months now. We pretty much moved in together 2 months into our relationship. We've been head over hills since we met. Then four months in he went out for coffee with an ex when I went out of town. A girl who he was extremely attracted to and dated for a month before we got together. He told me he went out with her and was no longer attracted. I was okay with the idea except for the fact we'd agreed not to go out for coffee with ex's if the other person wasn't there. Just to avoid situations.

Since then it's come to light that he finds a lot of other girls attractive. He;s 28 and has been single for 8 years minus a couple flings. We're madly in love. But he admitts that he finds the sluttly maxium model much more attractive then me He thinks I'm cute and sexy but not hot. I told him I'm cool with him finding other girls attractive as long as he's not more attracted to them then me. Yesterday we were looking at the maxium model website and he told me that one of the girls gave him butterflies and that he had just as much of a phsycial attraction to her as me. I'm glad he's honest but it concerns me. I know he loves me and he wouldn't cheat on me. But I don't know what to think? I feel I should do something more for him then any other girl.

br_hjs · Sep 25, 2007, 03:21 PM

I would never find anyone else attractive than my bf`

crzygirl · Jul 16, 2008, 09:06 AM

Original post from Blueiman (if you're in a relationship. And you feel attracted to other people. I believe you're not ready to be in that relationship. You need to be honest with yourself and your partner. This is not easy to do. But, the bottom line is you need to be alone and keep meeting people whom you're interested in and find out if its what you want. Most people just lie to themselves and their partner and continue with the relationship and eventually it doesn't work out. Its easier to stay in a relationship because most people do not want to be alone. So we settle for the one we are with. Your in denial.)

I totally Agree, I think that guys marry a less attractive girl because they are cool and they get along, and they are rather do that instead of marrying a hot girl that will cheat or not be loyal. Guys are very insecure.
Girls are the same they marry a guy that may not be the hottest but they treat them right,
Better to have that than a hot guy that have many women.
So people just say is OK to find people attractive, but it isn't, truth is I believe no matter what everyone is saying here. Don't tell me that you don't mind the fact that they look at other people because deep down you do.
Have fun in life first date a lot.. when you are ready to marry then do it.. I am telling you. Once you had all the fun, and dated a lot you DO NOT find any other person attractive
Other than your partner.. .

Romefalls19 · Jul 16, 2008, 09:16 AM

So you are telling me that you don't think any movie stars are attractive at all? I find that hard to believe. To find others attractive is a human trait, we naturally look at other members of the opposite sex.

I couldn't care less who my girlfriend looks at because I know who she comes home to. To immediately says men are insecure is a judgemental statement, women and men are both highly likely to be insecure.

talaniman · Jul 16, 2008, 09:19 AM

once you had all the fun, and dated a lot you DO NOT find any other person attractive
Other than your partner.. .

I had many g/f's before my marriage of more than 30 years, but I still am attracted to others, but I don't act on them, as it's the same with my wife, who loves athletic healthy types, she enjoys the feeling but doesn't act on those feelings.

You can't control having feelings for others, but you can control what you do about them.

Romefalls19 · Jul 16, 2008, 10:43 AM

Ha ha Tal... I wouldn't expect her too lol... BUT that means Angy is all by her lonesome

RayDiant · Jul 16, 2008, 10:46 AM

Originally Posted by DrJizzle

Ok, this is mainly for the girls but I would like to hear some of the mens opinions, as well.

A recent agrument I had with my girlfriend came about when I had mentioned that someone else was attractive. No, I wasnt saying she was hot and that I was into her or anything... it just came up in conversation and I said that she was an attractive girl.

My thoughts are that this: We are adults. I love her and she loves me. I feel that I can admit that there are other women on this planet... or more specifically, in our town, that are attractive. Big deal.. Im not going to pursue them because I love the woman I am with.

She says that she finds no other man in this town attractive. I brought up a few names of some of the men that we know that are attractive looking men (yes, I am secure with myself and I can also admit when another man is attractive lol) anyway, she insisted that she doesnt find any of them attractive.

I then asked her about a few of the men that I know that she was with before us. She said that she used to find them attractive but not anymore, as if she can just turn it off.

She then, of course, proceeds to get pissed (mad) at me because there are women that I find attractive.

To the women out there: When you love someone, do you suddenly, somehow, turn off other mens attractiveness so that you no longer find anyother man attractive??

To the men: Do you still find other women attractive once you are in love?

Forgive me if you shared this and I missed it in your text somewhere but.. do you compliment your girlfriend.. often? At least often enough to make her feel secure? I know that my boyfriend is not blind and will observe other women. If I see a beautiful woman, I will even point it out to him only because it is what it is. I don't know if the right word you are using should be "attractive", perhaps a word like "striking" or "pretty" might work better? I do not find other men attractive but.,. I will say "he's hot" . To me that simply means he is nice looking, nice body.. not anything more... I don't want to be with him. I love my boyfriend way too much to be attracted to another man! (Boy, did I just talk myself into a circle? LOL).

In any case Dr. I don't think that when you comment that a woman is attractive, that it should be taken out of context. Just make sure you are letting your woman know.. that she is HOT! ;)

talaniman · Jul 16, 2008, 11:05 AM

I think the real issue is how insecure a person is, and that is a personal issue it seems to me.

liz28 · Jul 16, 2008, 11:16 AM

Its okay to find another person attractive even if your involved with someone its human nature. Only when you take it to the next level. When you do it don't lessen your love for the person you see. Me and my boyfriend is open about it and tell each other who we like and comments of some peoples, especially people on t.v. He loves Rhinna, I love Mark Wilburg.

Greene89 · Jun 27, 2009, 07:15 PM

Originally Posted by DrJizzle

Ok, this is mainly for the girls but I would like to hear some of the mens opinions, as well.

A recent agrument I had with my girlfriend came about when I had mentioned that someone else was attractive. No, I wasnt saying she was hot and that I was into her or anything... it just came up in conversation and I said that she was an attractive girl.

My thoughts are that this: We are adults. I love her and she loves me. I feel that I can admit that there are other women on this planet... or more specifically, in our town, that are attractive. Big deal.. Im not going to pursue them because I love the woman I am with.

She says that she finds no other man in this town attractive. I brought up a few names of some of the men that we know that are attractive looking men (yes, I am secure with myself and I can also admit when another man is attractive lol) anyway, she insisted that she doesnt find any of them attractive.

I then asked her about a few of the men that I know that she was with before us. She said that she used to find them attractive but not anymore, as if she can just turn it off.

She then, of course, proceeds to get pissed (mad) at me because there are women that I find attractive.

To the women out there: When you love someone, do you suddenly, somehow, turn off other mens attractiveness so that you no longer find anyother man attractive??

To the men: Do you still find other women attractive once you are in love?

It's not that I don't find other guys attractive, but it's never in a sexual way. I've had a fight today about this exact thing with my boyfriend of four years. I think that you can find others attractive, but they shouldn't ever come to the same amount of attractivness as your current boyfriend or girlfriend. I'm strange in the way that I never look. The only man I think is attractive other then my current boyfriend is Gerard Butler lol.
And the only thing attractive about him is his eyes.

My boyfriend said I should be OK with the fact that there's better looking girls out there ( I know this ) But I wanted to be the best in his eyes. I Don't care if he finds girls attractive... I just wanted to be the best looking to him.

So I think some girls can turn on shutters and stop finding others good looking...
But it should be the point that you should know that they love you, everything about you and won't leave you.

But it still stings having them think you're not as good looking as someone else