[Goldtears]

I've been hanging out with a small social circle for about a year now. From the first week that I've known this group, we've all gone out to dinner to celebrate an individual's birthday, collectively splitting the total to ensure that we paid the birthday person's bill. I've been to 4 people's birthday and contributed equally to each meal. Last night we went out for my birthday. The same person who organized the previous b-day meals organized this event. I was invited out for my birthday and, like all other b-day meals, was asked to pick a restaurant. While I wanted to pick the expensive sushi place that we've had two b-days at, I felt it would be better to go somewhere as fun, but less expensive. So I chose a moderately priced hibachi grill.
It was a nice evening. However, when it came time for the bill, one person, whose b-day has past and did enjoy a b-day meal on the group (at the expensive sushi restaurant), requested separate checks for the party. When I received my check, 0nly one person helped with my meal-the person who planned the evening. All four of the people who have enjoyed b-day meals were present. I did not receive a different gift from any of them; our friendship has always been that dinner out was our gift to our friends. Not even my "best" friend contributed this evening.
Perhaps I did something wrong? On one b-day, when we were dividing the check equally, the person who, on this evening, requested the separate checks, ordered a large amount of expensive alcohol for himself (this was not his b-day). No one else had alcohol. I did mention that it his purchasing the alcohol on the group's tab was a little less then fair, and suggested that we subtract the alcohol from the group bill and that he pay for it himself. However, this person said that this is how all b-day meals go and I had been more than welcome to order what I wanted and that it would all come around on my b-day. The rest of the group grudgingly agreed and I let the matter drop.
I feel like I was snubbed and excluded from the b-day practice. It's been gnawing at me and I'm not sure what to do. I do feel it would be ungrateful to mention it, but I feel very hurt. I'm not sure if there is anything to do, but some advice might be nice.
Thanks
-Goldtears

[s_cianci]

It sounds like you set a precedent the evening you objected to the one friend having several drinks while everyone else had none. Perhaps some saw you as a "spoilsport." What had been the previous practice regarding paying for drinks as part of the meal? And why did one guest have a substantial amount of alcohol while everyone else had none? Is this a normal pattern? Is this one person a heavy drinker while the rest of you are light drinkers or teetotallers? There is probably some begrudgement on his/her part since you raised the issue about his/her drinks on the previous occasion. You probably kind of set yourself up as the "bad guy", so to speak, and so got a little "snubbed" on your birthday. I'm not suggesting that you were wrong in principle but in such a situation my personal advice to you or anyone else would be to not sweat the small stuff, if you get my drift. Especially if the understanding is that everyone is free to order as (s)he wishes. Also keep in mind that a lot of restaurants will write separate tabs for alcohol and food upon request. That way, if desired, everyone can pay for his/her own drinks while splitting the cost of the actual meal. Just an idea to keep in mind for future reference.

[Goldtears]

Thanks. I was thinking that. Drinks had not been an issue as no on else had ordered them. As to why I objected, it was over $50 dollars of alcohol--Saki, the top brand. It had never been done before and added quite a bit to each persons total. I frankly didn't have enough money to cover my share of the tab that night--I brought 50, that had been plenty in the past--and this night the total, without tip, came to 63. I had to put it on a credit card. I guess that must be the reason, but it still hurt. I didn't know about the alcohol tab. I'll keep it in mind, but I don't think I'm going to go in the future-- I feel not just hurt tonight, but like I was taken advantage of all those other nights.