[shuang1705]

So my ex and I broke up about 1.5 month ago. She asked for a break since we were fighting too much. Fast forward to today, we're talking a bit more now and I'm allowing her to vent her frustration and anger about the failed relationship. I can't say this break was bad because it gave me an opportunity to see where my flaws were and I've been able to make attitude adjustments to myself and make myself a better partner. I've pretty much left things up to her, not forcing her back, not begging etc. I still do have hope, however my mind just thinks "Show her the new you, if she doesn't like it oh well, other girls will appreciate you". Some of the changes I've made since our breakup was dropping 25lbs, better attitude, more patient, and I'm starting to go out and blog about new people I meet and events I attend which she reads.

We've gone from where she didn't even pick up or return my phone calls to picking up and returning every single one now. When we're on the phone, it's for hours, like 3-5 and I've offered to let her go numerous times yet she'll still stay on the phone. She still feeds me lines like "We're not good for each other" "we don't make each other better ppl" "Not the right time" etc etc and every time she says that, I simply reply with "if that's what you believe". Anger use to be a big problem for us, but I've learned to tame my aggression, so even though she's saying those things, they don't phase me. We don't chat online due to the sensitivity of our situation, and tone is extremely important during intense talks, so off each others' buddylist, phone conversations only, I diffuse bombs better that way.

I can understand why she's holding off on reconciliation, she's waiting for a prestigious grad school acceptance letter in NY, while we're in CA. So right now it's like a 50/50 crap shoot, if she gets in, we're better apart, but if she doesn't, she'll be at a local grad school.

We've been best friends prior to dating, so right now, it's tough during this break because it's not just losing the relationship, but also losing a close friend. I feel hints that things would be different if she got into a local grad school, but my gut feeling is I shouldn't initiate NC until we see where she goes for grad school. I guess what I'd like to know is, are we moving closer to reconciling or something else? Any opinion is appreciated, thanks!

[Marriedguy]

Are we moving closer to reconciling or something else?

No, your moved into the friend zone.

Here is the deal you and this woman were friends first. The relationship turned into a romantic relationship and that relationship dissolved. At this point the relationship has to defaulted by to its original state with is friendship. From your post it seems that you want to rekindle the romantic relationship but she seems to be on the fence on this issue.
I can see that you have feelings for her, but to be honest with you I don't think she feels the same way. I think she does have feelings for you but there don't run deep enough for not move across the country. Another thing that troubles me, she said things like “we are not good for each other, its not the right time” this means she really doesn't want to give it another shot.

You are taking a wait and see approach. Your plan is to wait around and see where this friendship leads. This is not a good idea. Break this off and explain to her tell how you feel and tell her that you really can't entertain this friendship because you really want more and it wouldn't be fair to the both of you.

This was friendship was over that minute you guys started seeing each other romantically. Think about it if she should she get a boyfriend this relationship would be inappropriate and she would have to end it.

Best case scenario: She realizes that you are lost. Then she realizes that the relationship you had is worth rekindling and you get the phone call. It starts something up again you get to set the terms.

Worse case scenario: you lose a friend sooner than later, because she is already lost, and you start the healing process and you move on.

[talaniman]

but my gut feeling is I shouldn't initiate NC until we see where she goes for grad school. I guess what I'd like to know is, are we moving closer to reconciling or something else?

She doesn't want a relationship with you ,and your only delaying the inevitable. Her feelings have changed, and no matter where she goes to school she wants to be single, just because she is entering a whole new world. If you have already talked for 3-5 hours many times, and have made no progress, forget it. Accept its over, and your friends again. You are the one feeding yourself the false hope.

[chuff]

Red flags went flying when you said you were spending 3 to 5 hours... THREE TO FIVE HOURS TALKING to her on the phone. Dude, your friends, not lovers. On top of that you are talking about the relationship which is shooting a dead relationship because you've done it backwards. If she broke up with you and if you are going to continue talking to her then it's up to you to NOT talk about the relationship and make her come back. She broke up so she comes back. What you are doing comes off like begging and waiting... which to be honest is kind of what your doing. You should have gone into NC when SHE broke it off. I understand it's hard to let go but she brought this on, and now she's controlling you because you stuck around. She knows exactly what you want and exactly what she's doing. That's the worst part, she's not such a great friend, if she's using you while you suffer emotionally. It's time to get rid of her as a lover and a friend.

[shuang1705]

Thanks for your feedback guys. It's much appreciated. I am happy to announce though, we are reconciling and "negotiating" for lack of better word. Push-pull theory of attraction works wonders ;)

[chuff]

Negotiate in your favor, not hers.

[talaniman]

She must be going to school local.

[shuang1705]

She must be going to school local.

Actually no, she's going to the one in NY.