[FionaQUINN]

I am 32 years old, I got married when I was 22.
When I met him he was nice and I thought I loved him (at the time I did), we got married in aug '97 , everything was fine for about 2 months and then he started to put me down all the time, and then he started to hit me whenever he was drinking, and in may '98 I found out I was pregnant with my son, my now X was and is in the army, he was over seas when I found out, and seamed happy about it.
he came home in oct '98 and after a night out he came home and because I would not have sex with him he kicked me out of the bed, while I was lying on the floor he sat on the side of the bed and stamped his foot into my stomach, he done this about 3 times he then rolled into the bed and went to sleep.
I eventually got myself off the floor and tried to get some sleep, but I was awake for most of the night with pains.
The next day I ended up in hospital where I nearly lost my little boy, but thank god he is a fighter like his mum.
Things changed for a while after that and in jan '99 my son was born.
the hitting started again not to long after my son was born, and in may/june of that year there was a big row between us and I tried to phone my mother and father to help me but he pulled the cord out of the wall just as there phone had started to ring. I got one hell of a beating that night (ALL WHILE MY BABY WAS IN HIS COT CRYING) I got to him and picked him up thinking my X would stop but he hit me again and pulled the baby out of my arms and put him back in his cot, I ran but he caught me in the hall way he pined me to the floor with his hands around my neck, I don't remember too much after that until my mother and father walked in ( they had caller id at the time saw my no and kept ringing back but were getting an engaged tone so they thought something was up with the baby and came to my house to see what was up.
They brought me and my son to there house. The next day my mother brought me to my dock to have all on record (as I had never gone before)

After a few weeks I went back to him, and again things changed for a while, I got pregnant with my daughter and she was born in jul '00. We started to build our own house on a site my mother and father gave us. He went over seas again and I moved in with my mum and dad while he was away and the house was being finished.

But again when he came home it was back to the same old things. I started to fight back when ever he hit me but that only made him mad'er, I used to be told I was to fat to go out in public, I was good for nothing, I was ugly, I was lucky he married me as no one else would have me (when you hear things like this for so long you start to believe them)

I was out one night in oct '03 with my cousins when I met a man we started talking and for some strange reason I found I could talk to him about anything, we started to see each other, and fell head over heals in love with him, he was everything my X WASENT. I had some where to escape to, to pretend my life was not as bad as it was.

New years eve I went to work, and after I went to see the man I had met, (I had told my X I was going to stay with a friend that night after work)
I was to be at my mothers for dinner at one on new years day but as I finished work at about half for the night before I slept in and was late going out, I did not want a row so I rang my X and asked him to meet me at our house as I did not have a key with me and not to anything to my family.

when I got to the house there was no one there, after a few min he pulled up with my mother, my sister(who knew about the man I met) and two of my brothers.
(my kids were with my dad). My so called sister told all, so they decided to gang up on me, but enough was enough I could not take it any more so I left...

That was jan '04. My dad gave him my kids, and have spent every day since fighting to get them back, but when you have a for a mother who will get up and say you are un fit to be a mother, just because I DISCRASED the family by having an afar (but its OK for her daughter to be hit) its hard and I am at the end of my strength now 4 years is a long time to be fighting (I WILL NEVER GIVE UP) but I just don't know what I can do now, I have tried everything that I can think of but nothing works... I NEED HELP!!

[N0help4u]

That is really messed up that that all happened to you. Had you told your family how he beat on you so badly? How can he keep your kids when he is so abusive? I know the system doesn't always make the right decision when they give custody to the abusive parent. I do see it happen though. I hope he isn't abusing your kids. Even so they must be picking up his attitude or else resenting the way he must be treating them.
I hope you can get somewhere positive with all this,

[oneguyinohio]

Keep up the battle. If he is still in the military, where do the kids go when he is away?

It sounds like there is a court order in the case, so you'll need to follow that, and keep trying to offer the courts reasons to believe that you are a good parent. Showing financial responsibility and good legal standings are a part of that.

I would be careful about associations with your family as hard as it may be. If my parents ever did that to me, I would no longer have any ties with them.

However, beyond the disgrace that they felt, you also need to look at your stability as far as types of relationships you are in, and how the people are who are around you...

That is not a judgement of any kind about you... only offering ideas about presenting a picture of a good parent that the courts will look at to determine your fitness.

I hope you are using a "Good" lawyer and not trying to fight it on your own. At the same time, you should be going for visitation and not missing any with the children... all of that stuff will also be looked at...

[FionaQUINN]

I do get to see my kids every day I pick them up from school (they are 9 and nearly 8) and they stay with me for about 2 hours, and they stay over night 2 nights a week. As for my X yes he is still in the army, but he never goes away, he leaves the kids with a baby sitter every morning for about an hour before school. His new girlfriend has moved into the house with him and my kids, she hits them,(he dose to), she screams at them, and they have even tried to get my kids to call her mammy, ( by the way her name is fiona same as me) I have said all this in court but he says none of it ever happens.

As for my (so called) family, I have not spoken to any of them in just over 4 years, I did try to talk to my mother, to see if it would help me in court but she told me as far they were all concearned I WAS DEAD. My grandad died last year (my fathers dad) and I rang my dad but he told me if I turned up the church I would have the kicked out of me, so I didn't go. None of my extended family talk to me either, my mother has made sure of thet.

I am still with the man I left my X for we are 4 and a half years together now, and he is one in a million, I love him so much, he is so good to me and my kids. But I am so afraid he will leave me, he has put up with so much from my X and my family.
My mother sent a letter to his boss saying he was treatening her, and that he was driving around after her,( that was also said in court) but my partner dose not know how to drive!! My X tould my daughter when she was 5 not to let my partner around her when she is changing as he will touch and do things to her!!

I can't work as the court has stated that if I miss a day picking up the kids, or I don't take them when my X is working and they are off school he will take all my visitation off me, I can't get socail because I am not available for full time work, I can't get lone parents because they are not with me enough. I am caught between a rock and a hard place.

[N0help4u]

There has to be some way you can prove abuse.
All you can do is keep reassuring your kids that you love them and that you wish you could have them all the time but the court won't allow it.

As for your family they disowned you so I wouldn't even give them the time of day cause that is not going to change. Your main focus and main goal needs to be your kids and your relationship try not to let the clutter from your x or your family get you down.

[ScottGem]

Did the court say you have to adhere strickly to the visitation or did you ex tell you that. I don't know of any court that would require such stricrt adherence.

Is your new man willing to marry you? If you get married, your more stable 2 parent houselhold may infuence the court.

[talaniman]

I think some stability in your life, and a good lawyer, are just what you need as a good work record, a solid stable home, are what the court go by, that's where I would start, and modify that visitation order, and for that you will need a lawyer, and one can be referred to you, by the health and human resource department in your town.

[FionaQUINN]

It was the court that put it in place but we can change it if myself and my X agree, but he won't as all he wants is to make life as difficult as possible for me and my partner.
I have a 7 page report from my dock (from the time my mum and dad took me out of the house) but the judge said and I quate "that has no bearing on this case"