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pices1 · Mar 12, 2008, 08:34 AM

My fiancé asked me to marry him on my birthday, and the morning of my brothers wedding day.feb 23.he is married but has been legalley separated for a year.we are on a tite budget.we have a son 11months old .I have two questions.first if his wife does not live in same stat and he has no way of getting ahold of her,how can he get a cheap devorce.and they have no kids or anything togeather.they were young and both know it was a mistake? main problem ! We have not picked a date we talked a little about how we want our wedding to be.the thing that botherd when I asked him where we were going to have the ceramonie his response was we have plenty of tim to figure that out?wrong answer.. then when he noticed I got upset he tells me to try some places.I told him I'm not going to rush him in to anything.and tha I wasent going to bring it up again and it up to him when he ready to talk about it.I don't know what this means,but I don't want to wait for ever.I feel he should have waited to ask me for when he ready to make plans.pleas help what does it sound like to you.am I just to sensitive.and what if I don't bring it up,will he ever?

Fr_Chuck · Mar 12, 2008, 09:07 AM

Well it seems he has things in reverse, he should have gotten the divorce before he moved in and had a child with someone else.

As for as a cheap divorce? If he can't find her it is not going to be as cheap, since he will need an attorney, do a search, do publications of the divorce and so on. If he can find her, and she will sign the divorce papers, it can be very cheap.

But at least he asked, in most cases while already living together, often they don't ask until pushed.

Your question to him, when is he going to file for divorce.

Shell_Lee · Mar 12, 2008, 09:18 AM

First - HE NEEDS TO GET A DIVORCE! After that is done, then you can start to plan your wedding. It might take a month to get that divorce or a year or longer. What happens if you pick a day, start to plan, and then he can't get a divorce by that day?

Plus, you have only been engaged for 18 days. That is a very short amount of time (not forever). You do have time to plan.

pices1 · Mar 12, 2008, 09:50 AM

OK.thanks for opion.its not my falt that he ask me when he did.and like I said we have not picked a date.I was trying to ask what tha remark meant.another word is it a shout up ring.and I told him he should have got devorce before he ask.once he gets the money he is going to file.and I realize we can't move forward tell then.my first question was about a devorce to him and here on this site.my other one was regards to a comant he made.I didn't know that people get ingaded and wait to talk about it .I was exiceted tell I thought about everything.and I guess I moved to fast.

Shell_Lee · Mar 12, 2008, 10:00 AM

Pices1 - I do know about getting excited. I'm getting married in less than a month. We have been engaged for about a year though.

Was proposing to you a way to shut you up - I don't know. I don't think anyone would truly know besides your fiancé. Maybe he just couldn't wait any longer. Maybe he wanted to show the world how much he loves you and how committed he is to you by getting engaged. I think it might be wise to give him a little more time to think about things.

I do think it was in bad taste to propose to you without being divorced though.

pices1 · Mar 12, 2008, 11:26 AM

Thanks.

the1unv · Mar 14, 2008, 08:40 AM

Yes, Divorce first... I spent 2- 1/2 years trying to find and get my ex-to sign. Once that is over you are good to go. REMEMBER: he is a man. I am since remarried and happy as ever. I told my wife I didn't care where we were married, I would have married her under a bridge with the homeless as wittinesses if need be. The day I married my wife was my happiest day, I wanted her to have HER day and simply told her where ever and when ever. I would give an opinion when asked but, left the planning to her and her friends. Women (in my opinion) love to plan things... me as a man... Just tell me were to stand!
Mike

pices1 · Mar 14, 2008, 09:25 AM

Thank you,that's funny he is just like that.

Becca1025 · Mar 31, 2008, 07:28 AM

Like everyone else said let him divorce her first then start planning. Also he's a guy, how many guys do you honestly know are willing to plan an entire wedding? Not many. I'm planning my wedding right now and my fiancé will go and look at halls and such, but I narrow the list down for what I like, then I go and look at the ones I like, then the one I really love is when I take him to go look at it. It's really a day for the bride, the groom just shows up. My fiancé is involved in a way, but he's not hands on in planning this. I will show him a few flowers that I picked and he helps me pick the ones we both like and same thing with colors, food, and cake, but other then that I'm planning the wedding. Don't expect much from guys when it comes to planning a wedding. It's really for the bride, mother, mother in law, and bridesmaids to help plan and everything.