[3x N]

Hi just get it into your head that you don't like him...
Other wise this will carry on for ages ?

[JoeCanada76]

You have received some awesome answers. I know that you already knew it was wrong. To carry on an affair is wrong. Your married. I always recommend counseling even if you think it is over. You need to go through the steps of trying to save it first and do everything possible to see if there is something there. Remember the old saying the grass is not always greener on the other side. Well this is that case. Remember that this other guy is cheating on his wife as well. How many other women do you think he might have had. I am happy to hear that your going to end the affair.

It does not do you any good to be involved in somebody that will only make you happy for a short time.

Now you need counseling and you need to figure out what your going to do with your best friend, your marriage. Remember marrying your best friend, partner for life is the best thing you could have done. Things obviously need changing in the relationship. What way, Who knows until you go through all the steps of seeing if there can be any positive changes.

Best wishes to you.

Joe

[lynann]

You are right Joe. Thank you. And as for how many women the other man has had... he says that he has been cheating on his wife since the beginning. This is his first time with one for so long. He has been married for 10 yrs! Really not a good guy, I know. I am thinking about getting counseling. I know it will help. Thanks

[dragnlady5]

Counsel would be the best thing because you are about to face a difficult question. In order to rebuild your relationship with your hubby it takes honesty. So do you continue to lie about the affair or do you come clean? Can your marriage survive telling him right now or should you wait? Go to counseling talk to the therapist about it. They can help and then you can slowly bring your hubby into the sessions and eventually you can tell him during a session or at home ( which ever you are more comfortable with). Best of luck to you hun

[N0help4u]

Even if you do not love your husband and you are no longer anything like a married couple
Then you need to either discuss with him any chances of fixing it or
You need to discuss with your husband things like do you think we should divorce, what about seeing other people.
It isn't fair to you or him to live like loveless roommates but a piece of paper keeping you from seeing others or getting on with your lives.
As far as the other guy why ruin his relationship, why hurt his wife?
IF you are going to see someone it shouldn't be another wife's husband.

You DO live together and have kids together so you DO need to communicate.

[lynann]

I don't plan on ruining his marriage. He has small children and I'm not a homewrecker. I also don't pln on telling my husband. What he doesn't know will not hurt him...

[the1unv]

I am sorry but I do disagree with the what he doesn't know won't hurt him. In my past marriage my wife had been cheating on me for almost two years. She treated me like crap. No matter what I did it was wrong, she would walk past me like I was not even in the room. I spent two years trying hard to be a good husband, a good father and most of all a good friend. It was very hard on me... I always thought I was doing something wrong. I would lay awake at night wondering what I could do to be a better man. She had to leave once a month to go stay with her sick mother for a few days (some times a week or more). Her mom lived 300 miles away. It wasn't until the kids and I decided to go surprise Mom and stay with her for the weekend that things were discovered. Her mom was not sick, she was doing great! The wife was too!! At the Holiday Inn. It took me months of counseling to realize it wasn't me. She was not screaming at me and treating me like crap because of what I did... it was because of her guilt. I believe an affair will hurt both spouses... whether both know or not. If you do break off the affair... can you spend the rest of your life with your husband happily while carrying the guilt of what you have done?? If your husband loves you he may work things out... he may not... BUT If you love him you will give him the chance to make that decision. Be as honest with him as you have been on here and he might just surprise you.
Mike

[JBeaucaire]

Lynan, I hate to counsel deception, but if you can end it, get back to the business of building intimacy back into your marriage and NOT tell him about the affair, that is the course I would suggest.

It's a tough call, but putting that pain on him when you can spare him AND you cleave to him from now on, it's worth protecting him, or at least trying to.

Yes, he could still find out later, and in that case it probably WILL be worse for you in that situation. But if he never finds out then you've managed to save him grief he did nothing to deserve.

That's my vote. Only you can call this one, though.

[the1unv]

OK JBeaucaire... I would agree... ONLY if she can go on and treat him good and live with what she has done. The rest of her life with him there will ALWAYS be a lie between them. I don't know how you can wake up next to someone every morning knowing you are not being honest with them. This is a tough one... I always like to think back to the old school days "HONESTY IS ALWAYS THE BEST ANSWERE"
Mike

[N0help4u]

It was very hard on me ...... I always thought I was doing something wrong. I would lay awake at night wondering what I could do to be a better man. It took me months of counseling to realize it wasnt me.
Mike

Have to spread that greenie rep.
Exactly. That is exactly what her husband could be feeling and that is why she needs to communicate and see where he wants the relationship to go.

[talaniman]

Fellows, we all know what hell this guy will go through, if the truth comes out, and so does she. Honesty may be the best, and fairest way, but not the easiest. That's one of the downsides of cheating, making that decision to come clean. If she doesn't though, that lie will have to be followed by more lies, and more deceit, so its not easy to make the call. I don't know about, what he doesn't know won't hurt him, as his love for her will be based on lies as well. Truly a tough decision.

[Marriedguy]

Yes, I agree not telling him is wrong. But it is for the best. Telling he could destroy the marriage.

[N0help4u]

I don't plan on ruining his marriage. He has small children and I'm not a homewrecker. I also don't pln on telling my husband. What he doesn't know will not hurt him...

You are not a homewrecker
Just cheating with another wife's guy IS being a homewrecker
You are taking time, attention and affection that SHOULD go to his wife
And
You have no guarantee that she will never find out.

You do need to discuss what future or no future your husband sees with the two of you
Whether you were to ever decide to tell him or not.

[talaniman]

Have you resolved what made you cheat in the first place?

[MOWERMAN2468]

I am a 34 yr old woman married for 12 yrs. with two kids. My husband is my best friend, not my lover. We are like roommates. I love him as a friend. For the past two years I have been seeing a married man. I have fallen in love with him. He says he loves me. He is pretty happy in his marriage so I don't think he would ever leave his wife. What do I do? This is going nowhere but I don't think I can stop. The little time we spend together makes me so happy. Not sure I want to give it up. But I know that I will get very hurt in the end.

And your last sentence is what you deserve, you got married 'til death do you part. Not until you get horny and sleep around. You truly will deserve whatever you get and the married guy is a jerk for doing this not only to his wife, but you as well. And yet it is a little confusing in your stating that he is "pretty happy" in his marriage. And if you two got married, could you trust him, could he trust you? Probably not.

[lynann]

Mowerman, you are mean! I'm only human. I broke it off. Yes I should have never done this in the first place, but I did. And now I have to salvage whatever I can with my husband. I am not telling him about the affair. If he ever finds out I will deal with it then.
As for me taking time and attention from the other mans wife.. that was up to him. He could have went home to be with his wife instead of seeing me. I am not his first affair and will not be his last. I have definitely put a lot of my time and energy into him though. And yes it should have went to my husband.

[the1unv]

I will not put any one down for the choices they have made. I do believe all adults have the right to make their own decissions. If this other man has had other affairs I would imagine some of the other women he has been with have also. I am sure you know that when you sleep with some one you not only sleep with that person but, every one that person has ever been with. If this guy has slept with 5 other women who have slept with 5 other guys, that is 25 chances for an STD. I believe your husband has the right to make his own decission on whether he wants to take those chances or not. I don't believe you are not telling him to "save him" from the pain and heartbreak. I believe it is you trying to save yourself. You are afraid he will be upset and leave you, you don't want to take that chance. Your husband didn't have a say in you having an affair, he has a right to know what has happened. All of this I wouldn't tell him " to save him the hurt" talk is a bunce of crap. I promise you if the shoe was on the other foot, it WOULD be a different story!
Mike

[lynann]

Go mow some lawns mowerman... You shouldn't be giving advice.

[ktfrear]

:mad: You are a sorry excuse for a women and you are a home wrecker, to not only his home but to your own, you know the one with your kids in it. If your realationship with your husband is over then why not end it with him. It sounds like you are the one having your cake and eating it too. Your poor husband!! And then now that you say it's over with that pig you call the other guy, now you just want to wuss out of what you have been doing and go on with your life. What gives you the right?. What, you know your husband will dump your lying butt? But you know what, he might not, but why make the decission for him. What if he was the one being deceitful

[lynann]

I would deal with it whatever way I had to if my husband was cheating on me. Things happen for a reason.