[Risefromtheashes]

Hi,

I want to thank all for the valuable insight that I have received from this forum. It has truly helped me to get through this difficult period in my life.
I am 37 years old and I met my ex, who is now 24, in a strip club that I used to frequent quite often. We were bf/gf for almost 3 years and were engaged as well.

We first were friends for about 6 weeks and became closer and closer. She initiated everything, from having sex, to asking me to be her boyfriend, to asking me to marry her.
Everything was great until she went to Cabo San Lucas with her girlfriend and her girlfriends rich client. I became jealous and would constantly badger her about what she was doing and how I didn't like her working at the club anymore because I didn't feel it was healthy for our relationship. Just writing this makes me realize that I became clingy and needy and pushed her away from me. After a year of this she finally came to an end when I went to the club and started telling her she shouldn't do this and she needs to respect me, blah blah. (drunk) and the next day she said she needed some space and that she thought of me more as a son than her lover. We stayed living together for a few days in which she would not have sex with me and said we are just friends. This of course was devastating to me and I began researching why, which led me to this forum.

It's been about 4 days now and I have had very mimimal contact. I think that the NC rule needs to go into effect and I have already putting it into action. I moved out and am living by myself and working on me. She has called me and emailed me saying that she hopes that this will bring us a better future and that she loves me and always will blah blah. (I notice they always say that). I know I am a great guy, I just lost myself for awhile in the last year while I was with her, because she is such a great girl that she became my life. I stopped worrying about making her chase me and became jealous needy nice guy YUCK!

If I return to the person that I was, confident and always feeling fortunate because I really am very fortunate. I feel I have a great chance of her coming back to me. (Yes I will let her initiate everything again). I can accept not being with her ever again as I know I will meet another person but I would like to at least give it a chance.

My question is, So do I go there and take everything that I ever bought for her and her family back right now, or do I leave my stuff that I purchased for us? (50" plasma T.V., Ford Expedition, Laptop computer, the list goes on and on). If I do this do I ruin any chance of her giving it another shot, or will it help as she may see me as "moving on"?

I'm a bit confused as to what to do from here. Any help is greatly appreciated and I will strive to help others from here on out.

[jeffatl]

I would for sure get the car back at least (if it's in your name) the other stuff, if you don't really "need" it or can easily replace it... let it go. It sounds like you have your faults figured out on this one, so I would just chalk the TV and computer up to "the cost of learning". The car however can come back to bite you if it's in your name, and if she is not under your insurance.

Get the car back, then more on.

Best of luck.

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Why don't you be the initiater? I know that most women love that. Just a thought!

I would suggest working on the jealousy issues. It sounds like she isn't comfortable with the fact of you constantly on her a** about where she is, what's she doing etc. Jealousy can ruin a relationship. It might seem cute at first but then it becomes a real issue.

You claim you don't like her working as a stipper anymore. If this is so then why do you want her back? You speak of respect as if she should be respecting only you and not herself. If this is what she wants to do for the rest of her life and you don't like it then respect her wants and move on.

I'm sorry if I come off harsh.

Time will tell.

[confused25]

In my opinion anything you bought for her should stay with her. They were gifts and personally I think gifts should not be taken or given back. The only thing I would take back would be the car, unless you bought it for her as a gift. But if it's under your name than its best you keep it. Just be kind about it when asking for it.

[Risefromtheashes]

Thank you for your responses.
I agree with the giving of stuff.
I don't want to sound material but I really love my T.V.
I do still care for her deeply so upon thinking about it more, I will leave it. I'll give her the car, I"ll just change it over to her name.

I really do want to try to resolve my issues. I like that you are harsh on me as sometimes you can't see what you are doing to people with your actions/words until someone else tells you.
Beutiful brunette, I don't know if I agree with the initation part. When we were first seeing each other, I let her initiate everything and it worked out great. All the other guys would try so hard to get her to be with them and i was the only one that would not answer calls, played a bit hard to get and I believe that is why I won her over in the first place.

What I don't understand, is now she is emailing me and calling me saying that she loves me and that I am part of her "destiny". Her daughters miss me and I miss them and want to make this work for them as well. I just don't know whether to go NC and give her the space she asked for, or communicate with her and try to work it out. She obviously has lost the attraction, is it possible for it to return? I would love a woman's perspective on this.

Thanks