[littleDUCK]

Before I start and give you a bad impression of my boyfriend, I do love him and wouldn't like to be without him, but I cannot weigh him up at all. I am 19, he is 22. This is fairly long, but I need to explain in detail the situation:

When I am with my boyfriend, on a one to one basis, I love it, its great we do have good times. The problems occur when we are with other people...

e.g on a night out last night, I met up with him in a club, for starters he made me go and meet him, he didn't come to find me (fair enough, you have to pay to get in/back in) then we spent a bit of time together, before we started circling the club, basically he walks round with my hand in his, looking for people to say hello to that he knows, for some reason he is very well known, and he always introduces me to all his mates.

Then after a while of doing that, he will go to the bar, and again know the barman so get discounted and drinks when he wants by skipping the queue, while he drinks his drink he will stand with me, and tell me things like, "i love you" "why when im with you does noone else matter" "all i want to do is be with you" "you the most beautiful girl in the world" etc etc.

After his drink, off we go again in search of more people, he always tells me who they are, and what bothers me is that he knows a lot of drug dealers in the area we live in. he promises me he isn't on drugs, as he is trying very hard to get in to the police, so obviously that would stop him if he was caught out, but I am ware his mates or at least a few of them are on drugs (it still worries me how he knows all the dodgy people of the area though, as knows them well enough to say hello to)

Then again he may stop for a while and tell me nice things again, give me compliments. The next minute on this night out, a mate I know said to me "how the hell do you know him?" so I said through work. He said to me "hes a good lad isnt he" with a smirk on his face as if to say "what the hell you doing with him" I said "do you think so then" is a sarcastic tone, he just replied "hmmmmm, yeah good lad!" again very sarcasticly with a funny smirk on his face!

It was getting the stage in the night where I wanted to go home, I was driving, my boyfrien walked me to the car and we had a kiss (one other thing I would like to mention is we rarely get into each other out in town, as my boyfriend always ends up going hard and he saus its painful in jeans, so we barely kiss, is this normal?) so back in my car, my boyfriend said can I have a BJ, I foolishy gave him one, but I did warn him that would never ever happen again and sexual anything from now on was in the bedroom only, as I felt dirty and digusting for doing it.

My boyfriend then said he would come home with me, rather than staying out, but after a little cuddle, he decided he wanted to go back out. I felt used in the sense he had had his BJ and then wanted to go back out, after saying "all i want is you" "noone else matters other than me" he said he likes his nights out with the boys from work, but the thing is they stay out until like 7am, and it worries me as to what the heck do they do until 7am, I worry he may get into another girl, do drugs etc, he never used to stay out later than 2/3am like me, but since he got in with a few lads from work he stays out with them, after I've gone home and I don't like it.

Part of me feels I can't stop him, I think he's a 22 year old lad, wanting to have fun with some mates, I can't stop him, he may be totally faithful to me and not on drugs but given the people he's out with it does put an element of doubt in my mind, but I KNOW I can't stop him being out if that's what he wants.

Anyway last night, after I had gone, a girl from work was getting beaten up, my boyfriend and another guy from work went to help, my boyfriend ended up getting slapped and punched, and the other guy got arrested, later let off as he was helping not fighting. It worries me to think my boyfriend was in a fight, given the fact he's trying to get in the police, has he come home with me, that would not have happened, but he said he liked the fact he helped the girl, and that's what his job would entail.

Basically at the minute I feel at a real low, I don't know what to think or do, I love him, he loves me, but I don't like his behaviour when he's out, I do trust him, but I know he's a very good looking guy and lots of girls chat him up or try to when I'm with him. He's always made it clear he's no slag, and has only ever slept wth people he's been dating or in a relationship with (which including me is now 7 girls) my mates say that makes him a VERY BIG SLAG, but I know he doesn't sleep around.

He is a sensible guy, we are alike in some ways, we have similar upbringings, as we have both been through private schools, had loving families, we both have money behind us, and good careers planned, both quite intelligent, and I know he's not a typical guy to go out get totally drunk and sleep with anyone, he does drink but its usually limited, he can still hold a conversation and stand up, know where he is etc.

Basically I have several questions I would like help with, ill write them out as I'm aware the scenario above is long and you may have forgotten some bits, don't feel compelled to answer all as any help is muchly appreciated and extremely helpful, as I'm at a right low at the minute:

1. is it normal for a lad to go hard as he starts kissing someone he is really attracted to, even if public, can he control it? As I would like more kissing when we are out

2. am I being too paranoid, given the scenario above, and all he says to me, about loving me wanting to be with me, I mean the world to him etc

3. do you think I'm harsh on him in the sense that I don't like him out when I'm not out, and the fact I doubt trust between us, given the people he is with

4. is he just trying to be someone he isn't when he is out? By looking for people to say hello to and introduce me to, and getting his drinks as and when he pleases (he thinks its great he knows loads of people)

5. what do you think to knowing dodgy people such as drug dealers in person

6. why would a mate of mine act funny about the situation, doe he know something I don't, he does know my boyfriend but there could be an element on bias there through friends of friends etc.

7. do most lads of 22 just want to be out having fun, drinking etc, he claims he is sensible and quiet but likes some time with his mates which I understand but I don't see the need to stay out until 5am, is this normal?

Can anyone just help me out at all with anything you think or feel or could ask me?

PLEASE don't ignore this, I really don't know whether I'm making a mountain of a mole hill or whether I'm going to be made out to be a fool.

[Farmerjohn692000]

Find a guy who wants you, he obviously introduces you to everyone so he can keep tabs on you, which means he may not trust you. As for the BJ, well lesson learned. He got his and left. Find someone who will want to leave wherever and be with you wherever

[littleDUCK]

He says he introduces me to people as he's proud of me, and wants everyone to know he has a beautiful girlfriend.

[Farmerjohn692000]

My dear, when a guy knows a lot of people and he has a hot gal, he wants people to see who she is so he can keep tabs on you. The more he knows the more eyes are on you that you don't know because you only seen them in the club

[talaniman]

I don't think you know him that well. I think you only know what he tells you. What's his game? No clue. Your instincts may be warning you though and to that, pay attention.

[confused25]

1. is it normal for a lad to go hard as he starts kissing someone he is really attracted to, even if public, can he control it? as i would like more kissing when we are out

2. am i being too paranoid, given the scenario above, and all he says to me, about loving me wanting to be with me, i mean the world to him etc

3. do you think im harsh on him in the sense that i don't like him out when im not out, and the fact i doubt trust between us, given the people he is with

4. is he just trying to be someone he isnt when he is out? by looking for people to say hello to and introduce me to, and getting his drinks as and when he pleases (he thinks its great he knows loads of people)

5. what do you think to knowing dodgy people such as drug dealers in person

6. why would a mate of mine act funny about the situation, doe he know something i dont, he does know my boyfriend but there could be an element on bias there through friends of friends etc.

7. do most lads of 22 just want to be out having fun, drinking etc, he claims he is sensible and quiet but likes some time with his mates which i understand but i don't see the need to stay out until 5am, is this normal?

1. Yeah it's normal, but that shouldn't be an excuse to stop kissing.

2. You are not being paranoid at all. There is nothing wrong with being a popular guy, but the problem is his actions. It looks like he is treating you more like a trophy girlfriend.

3. You are not being harsh, especially given the people he hangs out with. When you are in a relationship it's the responsibility of both partners to let one another know where they are at 3AM. You should never keep the other person from enjoying life, but he should respect the fact that you worry about him and as a result let you know what he might be up to.

4. It sounds like he is trying real hard to be "cool." But what bothers me most is this routine you two go through. Honestly it sounds like he is showing you off. Do you want to spend all your free nights with him like this?

5. It should be a huge red flag that he associates with so many drug dealers. I've known some shady people, but if you stay to close to the fire you're going to get burned. The unfortunate thing is that you might be dragged into it. What if he makes one of those guys angry and that person decides to take it out on you? He is playing a dangerous game and I think you should get out.

6. This guy who was acting funny definitely knows something, but it could be that he just doesn't like the guy. However, I wouldn't worry too much about him because your boyfriend himself is giving off too many red flags.

7. A lot of 22 year old men really do just want to stay out and party, however not all. I'm 22 and I definitely don't stay out until 5AM with a bunch of shady characters. I have a life that includes school, work, bills, friends, family, and responsibility.


Personally I think that you need to get out of this relationship before everything goes wrong. If you re-read your post you'll notice that you are trying to turn this guy into something he is not. You want him to change his ways but that is not going to happen. You can't stop him from doing dangerous things if doesn't want to.

I really have a bad feeling about this guy. I think he is a poser who is going to get into some deep problems because he has way too many bad connections. The scary thing is that he is going to end up dragging you into it. Moreover, he sounds like the type of guy that in a couple of weeks is going to become very possessive. Showing you off is a bad sign, all the nice things he says to you are actually kind of creepy given the situation, and the fact that after sharing a sexually intimate act he decides he would rather be out and about shows that he doesn't have much respect for you (geez he didn't even return the favor).

I think you should find a guy who is more mature and not a ticking time bomb of drama pain, and heartbreak.