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1023mya · Mar 6, 2008, 01:21 PM

I'v only beeen married about 7 months. When I got married my husbands mother was terminally ill. She passed away 5 days after we got married. Ever since then my husband has had complusive behavior ever since. He is worried about poker and old cars. I don't if this behavior plays part in his mother death. Ever since we got married he's always been so busy that he has no time for me. But he works plays poker online and even goes out a couple nites a week to play poker over at a cousins house. We fight about poker all the time. He is getting so bad he stays out till 8:00 in th emorning playing poker. I feel like I don't have any part in his life anymore. He doesn't make time for me. What should I do?

hollylovesbrandon · Mar 6, 2008, 01:25 PM

Try marriage counseling. Marriage is a 2-way street and he needs to realize that. I know he just suffered a great loss, but his mother would not be proud of his behavior. And even if he won't agree to marriage counseling he needs to be in counseling to work through his issues of losing his mother.

donf · Mar 6, 2008, 01:59 PM

Mya,

Your husband is NOT compulsive, he is addicted to gambling. This in and of itself can be very dangerous for family life.

If you have a family Priest, Pastor or Rabi, seek their counsel. Alternatives would be Gamblers Anonymous. Talk to them, by calling their hot line and tell them up front you are not the gambler your husband is and you are seeking their advice in helping you to make sure your suspicions are correct.

As to whether this involves the death of your mother-in-law, I suspect that his mom knew of the problem and held him in check somehow. Now that she's passed away, that impediment is no longer there.

Also, talk to bozo and find out why he needs to gamble so much regardless of the fact that he is single handedly destroying your marriage. However, don't imagine that you will get a truthful answer.

When he pulls his next all nighter, don't be there when he gets home. Let him start fending for himself. Do your wash, not his. Cook your dinner and tell him once dinner is ready, but don't take it to him. If he wants to pretend that your not necessary for his life, show him what life would be like without you.