[Bobbie Ann]

I have throw hints, made advanges, and so on. And yet he comes up with excuses. It has been at least two months since we had sex, and I don't know what else to do. And yes, I have tried talking to him about it. And once again excuses. I have turn to day dreaming of having sex, all kinds of ways. Sometime I day dream about having sex with more then one man. But believe when I say I have NO intendition of going out there and doing anything with anybody. I love my husband dearly, He's my heart. But what am I going to do? I like to think of myself as a nice looking woman, yes, I'm a little older then when we first got married but I have kept myself in good shape. I had one guy that I know whose marry tell me " I hope my wife looks as good as you, when she reach your age" at first I didn't know how to take it, but I was told by someone else that he gave you a compliment. He will never know that he made my day and my week. I told me husband what this guy said, my husband knows him also. And my husband just smile a little and that was it. I'm not sure what I expected him to say, but it would have been nice if he had of said something, maybe I'm asking for too much. I don't know. But to think that maybe this is how it's going to be until I died ( no sex ) doesn't put a smile on my face. I guess that's life.
Oh, let me add that the last time I tried to get him to have sex with me is last night. And he did what he does a lot and that's pretend his sleepy. Maybe he's doing this on purpose, Maybe he's waiting until I'm about to explode or something this way when I do have an organsm I would faint from having a very strong one. Anyway, just wanted everyone to know I'm still waiting and hoping. :confused: :confused:

[fredg]

Hi, BobbieAnn,
My wife and I have been married for 29 yrs now, and I do hope you and your husband can work this out!
Have you considered talking with him about going to a Marriage Counselor?
If he will, then please go.
Sometimes, another person (maybe a Professional) can help with issues like this.
Since you have already tried talking with him, and he doesn't want to give an ideas as to why, then it's time for the next step; see a Counselor. I do wish you and he the very best.

[CaptainForest]

I don't know how old he is, but perhaps if he is an older gentleman, he is having troubles getting an erection. Perhaps a visit to his doctor might help there.

Or, it might be because he is having an affair with someone younger and perfers someone younger but still wants to keep you around for the rest.

[DrJ]

Seems to me that he may just be getting older and past his prime. Or maybe to the point of impotence.

Marriage counsling is a great idea along with a Dr visit. The hard part may be suggesting this to him. Be very gentle when confronting him about it! If this is the case, it is not an easy thing to admit or accept for a man.

[PrettyLady]

Bobbie Ann, I'm sorry to hear about your relationship. Some men become inhibited and shut down sexually after being married for a while. You should try enticing him, men love it when their women are seductive. Plan a special night with him, even if it's just at home. Then wear a sexy lingerie and his favorite perfume and see if it works. But if he still doesn't want to have sex, try talking to him again and tell him that you want more intimacy. If you don't feel comfortable talking to him directly, I strongly recommend finding a good couple's counselor.

[letmetellu]

I am a male and I have been married for over twenty years. I went through a period of not being as interested in sex as I had been earlier in life. I felt this was normal because of the novelety of sex wearing off. My wife even rented a soft core porno tape and it did nothing for me. My wife then confided in the wife of one of our really good friends. This girl started to tell my wife things to try and do one of them was to get a hard core porno tape and to watch it with me. It worked wonders for me. Another thing we tried was talking on the phone, not phone sex, just asking questions. She would ask me if I ever watch the girls at work and get a hard on from it. Then she would hang up and that would be it till I got home and then we would carry on the conversation about the call and before long we would be in the shower. Another thing is that when my sife would tell me what she and the friends wife talked aolbut it would make both of us hot. I don't know what you think is right or wrong but some different kind of sexual acts can help very much also. Others above have mentioned sexy night gowns or teddies, but if you r hubby is like me he gets turned on more by a flannel nightgown that shows cleavage that a teddy that shows almost all. The man thing I would like for you to know is that the phase of not wanting sex passed and is no longer a problem, so maybe that will be the out come of your problem also. Till then take matters into you own hands, and you might tell hubby about that also.

[augustknight]

There are two sides to every story. I doubt we will get his but yours needs some filling out also. In order to get a better idea of the situation some more information would be helpful. Here are some thoughts that come to my mind.
1) How long have you been married and when did his disinterest in sex begin.
2) Has there been a major change in his life lately? A job loss, a parent dying?
3) Is his sudden disinterest just include sex or are other issues present? Does he still act with interest to his other joys in life?
4) Have you changed dramatically, either physically or emotionally?
It is always the best policy to attack the problem and not the individual. Is he a good husband in other areas? A statement like 'you don't love me anymore' can be counterproductive. You may not have used those exact words but if that is the message that he is getting he may become defensive and withdraw. Since we are guessing at his age, it is a general fact that men have a drop off in sexual performance and sometimes desire as they age.
Without knowing all the facts, I would be guessing as to why he would withholding sex. But here are the top three guesses that I have:
1) He is suffering from depression.
2) He is punishing you for something.
3) He has guilt about something.
The wild card in all this is the insistence on his part for you
To have two orgasms. Most men are sensitive to want their partner to enjoy sex as much as they do. But quite frankly I don't know many men that would stop having sex simply because his partner wasn't having an orgasm, let alone two. Either he is setting you up for failure and therefore 'breech of contract' or he is dabbling in some sort of sexual fantasy.
This is an interesting situation except for the fact that you are obviously distressed. I hope something will click from the advice you have read on these pages and I wish you all the best.

[Fr_Chuck]

Yes the length of time you have been married, his age, your age.
Is he on medications. Also he is going though a lot of stress.

I know if it is after 8 pm the only thing I really care for it to go to sleep.
Wake me up at 4 or 5 am and that is a different story. So are you looking at other times, other places than the bed room.

But he may well just have lost interst for right now, it can be stress, medication, and all sorts of issues.

Now he not talking to you may mean he has no idea why he has no interest. If this is the case a visit to the doctor for a check up may well be needed. I went though a time of almost a year where my wife had no interest what so ever, and I had a time of about 3 months when I was under a lot of stree.

Also fear, if he had trouble in performace at one point, that makes he harder for him the next time, after two or three problem times, he may start to not try for fear he is not going to be able to. ( not that this is your issue, just throwing out ideas.

But honestly, long before night time, TV off, you both need to sit down and talk honestly.

[PrettyLady]

We shouldn't bombard this woman with all these questions or pry too much in her personal life. Obviously, she's having problems with her husband, and she has had no luck talking to him. The best thing for her to do is seek couples counseling.

[nero2]

I think u should talk to him more. I think is communication problem. Try to find out from him more. If not find a counseller to help u solve the problems. I hope this helps.

[letmetellu]

Bobbie I have not read a post from you in some time. I was wondering if you problem went away or if you had just decided to live with it. There are lots of choices you can make and I would like to know what you choose.

[ejj88]

Just grab his thingee and tell him we are having sex whether you like it or not!
I don't mean to sound jokingly here but you need to be blunt with him and just do it!

[Starman]

Have you considered that maybe he's gradually becoming impotent due to age and doesn't want to suffer the humiliation of failure?