[Marriedguy]

At what age to you think it is appropriate for teenagers to date?

At what age to you think it is appropriate for teenagers to have sex? Why and Why not?

[Alty]

I think it all depends on the teen and their maturity level.

I definitely don't think that children under 16 should be having sex, even 16 is a bit young as far as I'm concerned. I would love to say that they should wait until they're married, but I know this isn't realistic. Bottom line is that they should be mature enough to take care of birth control.

I do think that sex should wait until they are in a committed relationship. As far as dating, I don't know, I won't let my kids date until they're at least 16, but once again that depends on their maturity level at the time.

[ScottGem]

Depends on how you define sex. I do not think ANYONE should have sexual INTERCOURSE unless they are emotionally, physically and financially able to support a child.

However, on the flip side, I think its impractical and unfeasible to expect teens (or anyone) to forego the pleasure of sexual activity (short of intercourse). If it feels so good how can it be bad? But ANY sexual activity is an intimacy that should only be shared by people that care strongly for each other and have come to know each other. Having sex for just the pleasure of the act demeans the act.

[Alty]

Scott - I agree, but I am trying to be realistic. If we could get teens to wait until they are emotionally ready and in a loving caring relationship then we wouldn't be having so many teen pregnancies. It would be great if we could get these kids to wait, but short of locking them up until they're 20 I don't see how we can accomplish this.

The bottom line is that kids are going to have sex, I just hope that they are responsible about it and take precautions.

Personally I think we should bring back the chastity belt.

[NowWhat]

I think dating could be appropriate for high school aged kids. Again, it depends on the maturity level of the kids.
What age is appropriate for sex? I don't know. Having a daughter, I hope she waits for marriage. Will she? I doubt it - if I am being realistic.
But, I will be talking to her about what a gift her virginity is. That you can only give it to one person and you better make it the right person. (and what better gift can you give your husband on your wedding night)

[Fr_Chuck]

Dating 16 ish and sex 18 at least.

And that is being realistic, they need to be taught the advantages of waiting.

[Alty]

Fr_Chuck - I agree. The problem is that their little hormones are running rampant and that sometimes affects common sense. I think the main thing is to teach safe sex (if there really is such a thing) and hope that your teachings are remembered when they are in a moment of passion. Heck, just hearing your voice in the back of their head might put a stop to things, it would be like pouring a bucket of ice water on their head.

[froggy7]

The other thing is to try and teach them to make good decisions in general. If they are into drinking, drugs, heavy partying, or hanging out with people who don't respect them, it's much more likely that they'll have sex. And with date rape drugs out there, there is even more to be worried about.

[hollylovesbrandon]

Well, from my point-of-view... considering it wasn't too long ago that I was a teenager and lost my virginity. I lost my virginity to the COMPLETELY wrong guy when I was 16 (3 months from 17). We only had sex one time. This led to permiscuous relationship with the COMPLETELY wrong guy again when I was 17. Then I met the man who is now my husband. It never crossed my mind that I would wait until I was married, but I didn't EVER imagine myself losing it to a creep like I did. My husband however, waited for me, and he was 18... I am the only woman he has ever had... and THAT is sexy.

If more women and men could realize that the SEXIEST part of the sex itself is the wait. The wait for that one person, that one moment, that erotic desire that just feels so right for all the right reasons in the all the right places.

I would say that the appropriate age for dating is probably about 14. I mean, the longer you make them (especially a daughter) wait, the more they will be doing behind your back. I think there shouldn't be any "car dating" until age 16. And it's safe to say that the longer a couple is together the more the likelihood that they are having sex. I personally suggest to every parent to put your daughter on birth control by age 14... regardless.

The thing about this subject is that it really can't be any set age... it all has to do with responsibility and maturity.

I would say age for sex is, whenever 2 people are emotionally ready. Sex connects couples and a completely different emotional level. And once it has happened once, it is there forever.

If I could go back and change the way I did things, I wouldn't. I regret nothing about my sexual explorations because with each one of them I learned something about life, love, sex, and responsibility.

My apologies for such a long post.

[rockerchick_682]

Being a teenager, I don't think teenagers should have sex at all. At the age of 16 I know I was NO where ready to handle that kind of intimate relationship.

And dating... 14. As long as it stays clean, but that doesn't happen very often.

[Marriedguy]

Depends on the how maturity level of the teenage is? Are you saying it would be OK if a 13 year old had a boyfriend and girlfriend?

@ Altenweg, chastity belts lol... when they bring them back invest in lockpicks. Stock is going to skyrocket.

[tisha92]

I think that age 13 or 14 is an OK age 2 date... now sex on the other hand... I don't really think that there's a set age... just make sure 2 talk to them about it and make sure they know the consequences.

[Alty]

Am I really that old? I think that they should still be playing with their dolls and thinking that the opposite sex is icky at the age of 13.

Personally, I have never met a 14 year old that is mature enough to handle a sexual relationship. Dating at 16 is pushing it as far as I'm concerned. I remember what it's like to be a teenager and I'm taking those experiences and learning from them. I will try my best not to let my kids make the same mistakes I did.

Having said that, I am also realistic. I can't be with my kids 24/7 and therefore I want them to be informed, that way they will know the consequences of their actions. Hopefully my teachings will come through and they will abstain from sex until they're older, but if not then I hope that they use protection.

Covering a gun shot wound with a band aid doesn't work, better to teach gun safety and prevent the shot in the first place.

[hollylovesbrandon]

I didn't have my first real boyfriend until I was 16. I was 15 when I got my first kiss. Teens are having sex and fooling around much earlier these days. That's just a fact. They have these role models that they see on t.v. and in movies wearing these tight fitting, revealing clothes and have piercings and permiscuous sex... they think that's the way it should be. And then there's the peer pressure to smoke, drink, have sex, and be a "carefree" teenager. If parents don't talk to their kids and raise them to be the kind of people they want them to be then they just might give into those temptations. I was raised with values, and today it seems like most of our society is lacking that concept. People having babies out of wedlock and not knowing who the fathers are and getting married 4 or 5 times... what kind of message does that send your child. I will always feel that a child needs a stable home with a mother and a father to grow up in. Without that, I think the child will get confused.

anyway, I guess what I am trying to say is, it is not us that can choose what the proper age is. But it is us that can set the proper example for them to follow and then they get to choose what they are ready for.

[JBeaucaire]

To answer the questions first:

Dating starts when the teen has proven a responsible mindset in other areas. This means for some it would be fine at 15, others not until their mid-30s.

Sex starts when you're ready to deal with parenthood.

There, those are my answers. They aren't THE answers, they are mine.

Now, here's the rub - people are going to what they want. Smart or dumb, they do what they want. The only HOPE of helping someone is to help with their WANT. To do that, you have to stop letting them use words that don't mean anything.

What do I mean? Well, don't let anyone EVER get away with using a term like "safe sex." That term means nothing. It's false information. They mean "be sure they know how to use contraception". That's not safe sex, it's informed hygiene, nothing more.

MOST of the pain experienced by early sexual experiences is mental/emotional. Contraception helps ZERO with that. STDs aren't stopped by contraception, only reduced... some. Pregnancies aren't stopped by contraception, only reduced.

Both of my children (wonderful grown children, BTW) were conceived while using contraception, and using it correctly. Life will find a way, and sexual intercourse leads to life.

So, the only useful conversations to have with people are to help them commit on their own to standing for something THEY want. That has a hope of happening. There's little to no hope of them living up to our code/expectation, it has to be theirs.

Talk to them about what they want. Talk to them about how they will get that. Talk to them (and let them talk to you) about situations they could get into that would NOT give them what they want but could likely happen if they aren't careful. Let them do the talking, just ask the right questions. They need to get there ahead of you to believe it.

"A man convinced against his will is not convinced." - Dr. Laurence J. Peter

[simoneaugie]

Wouldn't it be great to go back, I mean way back to the time when: Teens were expected to have sex, that is their nature. A woman with a successful pregnancy or two under her belt was marriageable material. Children were considered a wonderful addition to the village and were raised by all?

What are kids? Are they expensive things that we add to our lives when we are mature enough to emotionally and financially support them? Then (as mature adults) we can take them out on the town where few places even acknowledge they exist, beyond providing a highchair that is. Aren't they noisy and in the way? Perhaps we should, all but the most beautiful and intelligent few, be sterilized at birth.

The above paragraph is sarcastic and a thinking tool. It was not intended to elicit patriarchal criticism of the writer. It was written to make you think. It's a JOKE! If you wish to be critical, please do so in a way that does not point fingers, 'cause, we are all in this together.

My daughter came to live with me at the age of 15. She was already skipping school and involved in drugs, drinking and sex. Her dad had given up on her. She continued her wild behavior (I homeschooled her for a year) when she came to live with me. My rules were, I want to know where you are, what are the values and personalities of the people you're with, what drugs you are taking and how's the sex. She talked to me about (nearly) everything. I rescued her from scary situations. She told me why it was scary and we discussed how it interacted with who she wanted to be. I took her to get birth control. We talked about how it was not a 100% safe thing. We talked about what we would do if she did get pregnant, or got a disease. The only time I got mad was if she didn't call and tell me what was up.

Happy ending. She refuses to drink or do drugs. Works and goes to college as scheduled. She gave up sex for two years to see what that would feel like. Too bad all girls aren't that easy to turn around. We rarely see eye to eye but she's willing to tell me why she disagrees with me in a respectful way. Her insight into the behavior of her ten year old sister is invaluable.

Our society does not really value children. We are no longer living in the 1950's either. Moms and dads are both gone to work, not raising kids full-time. Kids need adults, they can not raise one another. So often, they must because their parents are working to make the house payment and pay the credit bills. Unless a teen is locked up, he or she is going to experiment with sex. What should we do?

[KalFour]

Being a teen myself, this is interesting to read from the parents' point of view.

I think it largely comes down to maturity levels. If you try to stop your kids from doing something, obviously they're going to want to do it all the more.
Kids shouldn't be dating before high school, but realistically, if a primary/elementary school child says they have a boy/girlfriend, chances are it's the boy/girl they think they like and occasionally smile at across the classroom. Hardly a dangerous influence.
Dating is a lot about experimenting with feelings, and can be pretty harmless. But then, a lot of teens do get into sex early. If you allow teens to date, but give them curfews and only let them date teens the same age, they'll be pretty restricted in what they can get up to. Once they start driving... it gets a lot more difficult to manage.

In my country, the age of consent is 16. I think it's an appropriate age (I lost my virginity at 16), but I know that plenty of others from my school at the time wouldn't necessarily have been as aware of issues like birth control. I also know that quite a few started having sex younger than that, several were quite promiscuous and didn't use protection, and more than one got pregnant before they were able to cope with it.
As long as kids are educated it's fairly safe. And sure, I wouldn't have been financially able to raise a child when I was 16... if I'd gotten pregnant while in school I'd have had an abortion... theoretically at least. I have no idea if I'd have been able to go through with it (I know a lot of people on here are against abortion... I'm not entirely sure where I stand).
But then, when is anyone EVER sure they're ready for a child?
At 16, I had a good understanding of the risks, a good awareness of contraceptive options, and was in a stable long-term relationship. Maybe I was a bit young, but I was responsible, which is the most important thing.

Holly, I agree with most of what you said, but I disagree that all 14-year-old girls should be put on birth control. For one thing, that can cause a lot of physical and emotional upheaval. For another it shows a lack of trust. And thirdly, it means that girls who would otherwise be worried about getting pregnant might start having sex younger, or even not worry about secondary forms of contraception and might be more exposed to STDs.
If a teenager wants to be put on birth control for medical reasons, or even if they just want to be safe, then it's a good choice. But putting them on it just because of their age doesn't seem right to me.

Right... sorry for the rambling.

Kal

[mariposa11]

There is no "right" answer to this question. Dating... not so awful in group settings in public places. I think the key to knowing what is right and when is really knowing your child. That begins EARLY on. You must develop a sense of trust and the ability to communicate openly without shame or punishment. Words are only words, after all. To help your child, you must be able to guide him/her. Sometimes this means just listening with truly open ears. If you instantly reject a subject or attack your child's perspective, you seem over-bearing and less credible. You must begin early to pick your battles. Allow your child to make some choices despite your distaste, but only those that are harmless. This allows your child to see that you are flexible, and fair. You make your disapproval known, but ultimately accept the decision they make. Why? Because when they discuss something you are adamantly opposed to, your view is actually taken under advisement. Not every kid will make the right choice each time. Be prepared that whether you try to "lay down the law" or try to be "new age" with your kid, they won't always listen or get the message. Too strict, you have a rebel to deal with. Too relaxed, you haven't taught your child to make wise decisions. Sex is not determined by age. Talk to your child about the benefits and consequences. Ask tough questions about how they would feel if... if they became a parent? If they caught a disease? If they became infected with AIDS? Be candid, be honest, and accept that no matter what limitations you try to forcefully impose, a child will find an escape. Your best bet is to try to make every effort to reinforce your family values with a message of hope, understanding, and brutal honesty about possible outcomes.

[ScottGem]

Study finds 1 in 4 US teens has a STD - Yahoo! News

Nuff Said!

[bEaUtIfUlbRuNeTtE]

Study finds 1 in 4 US teens has a STD - Yahoo! News

Nuff Said!

I saw this on CNN yesterday and it shocked me. Where is the modesty and respect in these girls?

I knew people who had lost their virginity at the age of 11. Gee, at 11 I was climbing trees, making forts, dressing barbies up, taking care of my pets and being the innocent little girl that I was.

Sex may have surrounded me in my teens but it sure didn't influence me. We all have urges but there is a time for that.

SHEESH!