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GsUp · Mar 4, 2008, 08:08 PM

Okay, So I broke up with my ex-girlfriend around 2 months ago.
She was the one that dumped me and subsequently its been a tough time. While we don't hate each other were are doing the No Contact rule in order to allow things to heal.

I have not healed yet, not by far, I still have feelings for her and miss her a lot but the struggle for healing goes on.

Anyway, recently my best mate of 15+ years who has previously known her though her me and talked to her a fair bit (when I say this they would always talk as mates if they ran into each other but never were at a "see each other" level).

Recently they started talking more often and now they have started hanging out a lot. I assume there is nothing going on here and hope my best mate would tell me if there was anything more to it than just a friendship but it still annoys me.

Why does it annoy me?
- I guess I'm jealous of the fact they can be mates and me and her can't.
- I'm trying my hardest to get her out of my life and forget about her and all I hear about when I see him is her.
- I wouldn't hang out with any of his exs unless I was great mates with them before their relationship.

I haven't said anything to him as of yet but I am considering it.
What do I do?
What should I say to him if at all anything?
Do I have a right to be annoyed about this?

Thanks in advance

friend4u178 · Mar 4, 2008, 08:42 PM

If I were you I'd tell him exactly how you feel about it. You may be seeing something that isn't there.

ampersandra · Mar 4, 2008, 08:58 PM

It's normal to be annoyed by something like that. This person is your BEST friend, right? Personally, I'd be more considerate of who I date and to whom I talk about my relationships. As friend4u178 said, you should tell him how you feel. Try not to be confrontational, although I know it may be tempting.

You're jealous because you're still trying to heal, and I applaud you for fulfilling the NC rule in such a difficult situation. It's also good that you didn't break up on horrible terms. Just let your friend know that you don't want to hear about it and state your reasons clearly. If he respects you, he'll honour your request.

However, I'm not too sure if it's a good idea to persuade him not to date your ex. He may be under the impression that you broke up on good terms, so it'd be okay for him to get closer to her.

That's all I can really say for now, since the next step depends on his reaction to all this.

O_Troubles · Mar 4, 2008, 09:05 PM

Your still healing your getting over the fact you love //loved her if he were to date her I'm assuming you be right pissed so rite now your defensive. Mabie tell your mate its irking you and your still healing and seeing her with him kind of freaks you out still and either he'll be a friend and back off or man up and fess he likes her
I mean for right now if this break up is recent yeah you have more rights then him I would say you have more of a right to ask him to step off then he has to get with her also she's out of the relationship too she needs time to hel too right bring that up too let him know mabie you need him in your cornor now not hers

O_Troubles · Mar 4, 2008, 09:50 PM

I disagree with m rating if you do it in a polite fashion there should be no harm they have been mate 15 plus years they know each other if the mate likes the girl and this guy asks him to back off *politly either the guy will refuse he should drop the subject and his friend or his friend will agree. He can't not talk to his best friend about the issue if his friend is becoming the issue

GsUp · Mar 4, 2008, 10:07 PM

Thanks so far.

I'll have a chat with him later today.

I'll update with how it goes.

oneguyinohio · Mar 4, 2008, 10:09 PM

I can see where it would bother the OP to find his best mate getting together with a girl that the OP is trying to get over the feelings for. He can tell his friend that he is uncomfortable with it, but it is the friends decision as far as if he wants to continue with the girl.

The OP may have to take some time away from the friendship as well, to allow himself more time to heal. This can be done in a friendly way without a confrontation and with well wishes to the friend, and the ex.

She is no longer with you. I know it hurts, but if you make your friend choose between you and her, you might end up with neither of them.

talaniman · Mar 4, 2008, 10:25 PM

Let them have each other, and move on. What they do is not your business anyway. I think it better to cope with your own life and if necessary, make new friends. The focus is your healing and getting a life, and not be concerned with what others do. Hurts like heck, but you do need to overcome it.

GsUp · Mar 5, 2008, 02:18 AM

So I spoke to him tonight.

He assured me there was nothing more than a friendship and I believe him 100%.
Away from that I still have an issue with them seeing each other regularly.

I asked him what he thought about me not being OK with the situation and he basically said to me that we differed in this respect and that he would not change what he was doing just because of how I felt.
I want to be able to see it from an angle so that it no longer bothers me, but I can't find one. At the same time I cannot see how he could see it any different to how I do.

I'm not sure where to go from here.

My best mate of 15 years, I don't want to lose him, just over something so petty and ridiculous as this.

talaniman · Mar 5, 2008, 07:17 AM

Basically he is telling you, its your problem. He's right.

O_Troubles · Mar 5, 2008, 12:04 PM

So you believe him but your still uncomfortable are you sure you really believe him? Mabie take some time off from your friend and your ex just relax and heal by yourself. Eventually when your healed and your friends with you ex again and your friend what exactly do you plan on doing. Telling your ex that your jeliousafter you broke up? You might want to think about the future. I know someone out there is going to hate me for saying this but you might have to choose between your mate and you ex? I mean if you think about the future and what's going to happened, mabie you can figure out how you want the future to pann out and start making choices now that will affect your future positively

oneguyinohio · Mar 5, 2008, 10:42 PM

How about thinking about how you would feel if your friend asked you to quit being friends with someone... under the same circumstances... It would be your right to be friends with anybody you wanted to. He is telling you that he is not willing to ditch her because of your feelings. That doesn't mean anything is going on with them or not. It also doesn't mean that something won't develop between them in the future.

You probably hurt because you want her back, but at this point you have no reason to think that would ever happen. Let them be happy and look for your own happiness elsewhere. Don't hate them. What they do has nothing to do with how you choose to feel. Your feelings about it is your choice.

GsUp · Mar 6, 2008, 12:44 AM

Hit the nail on the head.

Best I try and forget about it and focus on me instead of something they are doing that has absolutely nothing to do with me.

JOhn Legend111 · Apr 7, 2008, 01:07 AM

I know exactly how you feel same fing happened to me trust your gut she's wif him and thers nothing you can do about it .I found out in the worst way possible .I rung her fone at 8am to ask her about ma dog guess hu answered ma best mate the guy hu I confronted on many accastions about seeing ma ex and the fact he said she texts me and I told her to f off and hvnt spoken in months and made it hurt more... hope I helped in any way