[StarAngels]

I have had this on my mind for quit some time and I need some advice

My boyfriend and I have been together for 2 years and the sex has always been great. Lately though, it seems as if he doesn't want to make the effort to turn me on anymore.

One night, we were getting quit intimate and things were going well. Before we were actually going to 'do it' I told him I wasn't wet so we needed some more foreplay. He replies 'It takes to long' and so we never ended up doing it.

After that, I have been so upset wondering why he would say something like this? What does this mean?

[Synnen]

Sounds selfish to me.

I'd let him know (because I'm catty like that, and because it would work in MY relationship--no guarantees for anyone else) the next time he asked for a BJ that "it takes too long".

Relationships, and the sex within them, are give and take. If that was a one-time thing, then great! Maybe he was just tired!

If, however, that's his normal idea--tell him to take a hike.

[StarAngels]

Synnen,

It seems like this is his normal idea now. Lately, this is how his attitude has been towards sex.

Usually, it is me first who gives the oral and the turn on gestures, so I am more concentrated on turning him on. When it's my turn all is done.

Selfish? Just a bit! To me, he wants to get it over with and doesn't care how it makes me feel.

[kp2171]

Selfish and ignorant of the physical role that foreplay has in the female... it isn't just "mental play"...

Foreplay with arousal directs blood to your pelvic region, it excites nerves, it sensitizes your skin (your biggest errogenous zone) engorges erectile tissues (such as at the "g spot") and throughout the cl!toral complex, makes your breasts swell, releases chemicals and hormones that excite you, and even causes the vagina to change shape in preparation for receiving the male...

In short.. he's being a lazy lover.

I've posted over and over I think getting the woman off to orgasm or close with oral and/or other foreplay stim is always worth the time spent. Many women get off more often with oral compared to intercourse, and even if you don't go to completion, you are better lubricated and physically/mentally in the moment.

He is all screwed up, and isn't seeing foreplay as a part of making love. Sure... sometimes a "quickie" is fantastic... but it shouldn't be the norm, and I think he's really missing the beauty of experiencing what it feels like to watch your lover become more and more aroused. If seeing your skin flush and your breathing shorten is too much to ask, then he knows where the bathroom and the paper towels are.

I love giving foreplay, not because I'm a saint... but because it benefits me too. My lover is satisfied, better lubricated, and mentally in the moment. That's a win-win.

He's being a lazy lover.

[450donn]

It means he is selfish and inconsiderate. Dump him for a real man.

[ISneezeFunny]

Wait wait wait... is he lazy? Yes. Get rid of him.. not so sure.

I Sort of feel for this guy as sometimes, when a girl wants to really get into it, I'm just SO tired that I just can't but because the girl will insist, I will try...

After 4 classes (830am - 4pm) and then work (6pm - 10pm)... and then not to mention papers + tests, somedays, all I want to do is just cuddle up, watch a movie, and then pass out.

Maybe he's having a rough week? Talk to him... and if his act doesn't change, then yes... consider kicking him to the curb, but sometimes, give him a break every now and then.

[kp2171]

Anything changed? How's his health? Mental state? Depressed? Physically active? Is he distant? Tired? etc...

Lots of things can tie to libido... sounds like you are starting it all, then not getting "yours"... is that true... that he isn't initiating and then isn't satisfying you?

[StarAngels]

wait wait wait...is he lazy? yes. get rid of him..? not so sure.

I SORTA feel for this guy as sometimes, when a girl wants to really get into it, I'm just SO tired that I just can't but because the girl will insist, I will try...

After 4 classes (830am - 4pm) and then work (6pm - 10pm)...and then not to mention papers + tests, somedays, all I want to do is just cuddle up, watch a movie, and then pass out.

maybe he's having a rough week? talk to him...and if his act doesn't change, then yes...consider kicking him to the curb, but sometimes, give him a break every now and then.

I work 40 hrs a week, 8-5, tired as hell every night but still want some loving! As part of making a relationship work, you got to find time to be intimate. The only real time we have together, aside from our busy lives is the week end.

I have given him a break every now and then by not initiating sex at all because I do respect the fact that he isn't up for it. When he wants it, I'll give it. I'll give all myself in fact. Every arousing pin point on him, I'll fire up. BUT anytime I want it, the effort level has dropped and thus resulting in disapointment. Sometimes when we haven't seen each other for a couple of days, I have no problem with how long it takes to arouse me because by then, I'm already there.

I LOVE foreplay and consider it one of the parts of making love. If I am not physically and emotionally aroused, then how am I going to be able to enjoy myself, much less please him?

Am I being selfish?

[kp2171]

the grind of life doesn't lend itself well to great sex, at least not always. Stress can kill a libido.

but that doesn't mean you shouldn't seek quality time together.

what about his habits sexually? Is he more of a morning or night person?

he is acting selfish, but I'm not willing to call him a lost cause. He just might be in a rut. That said, you also shouldn't be doing all the "heavy lifting" in the bedroom. He needs to understand that sexual compatibility is something you desire... that's not a threat, just the reality.

my partner is a "morning girl". I'm a "night guy", concerning sex. We compromised. So I'm now a morning guy, most of the time. =) its not quite what id prefer... but I'm willing to wake up at 4am if it's that or nothing.

I hope you can talk to him without being accusing or angry, and I hope he takes it to heart. At some point, he has to step up. Life gets in the way sometimes. That's normal.

but you deserve the attention you need, without apologies.

so, yes... you are being selfish... in a healthy way that will allow you to sustain a relationship without denying yourself.

its not always bad to be a little selfish, y'know.

[StarAngels]

the grind of life doesnt lend itself well to great sex, at least not always. stress can kill a libido.

but that doesnt mean you shouldnt seek quality time together.

what about his habits sexually? is he more of a morning or night person?

he is acting selfish, but im not willing to call him a lost cause. he just might be in a rut. that said, you also shouldnt be doing all the "heavy lifting" in the bedroom. he needs to understand that sexual compatability is something you desire... thats not a threat, just the reality.

my partner is a "morning girl". im a "night guy", concerning sex. we compromised. so im now a morning guy, most of the time. =) its not quite what id prefer... but im willing to wake up at 4am if its that or nothing.

i hope you can talk to him without being accusing or angry, and i hope he takes it to heart. at some point, he has to step up. life gets in the way sometimes. thats normal.

but you deserve the attention you need, without apologies.

so, yes... you are being selfish... in a healthy way that will allow you to sustain a relationship without denying yourself.

its not always bad to be a little selfish, y'know.

I absolutely love your advice... as well as everyone else's! I am more of a night person because I believe darkness heightens the excitement. It's more romantic to me. I don't morning either.

[ISneezeFunny]

I'm a morning AND night guy... and sometimes in between as well... so I'm pretty flexible.

[kp2171]

I'm a morning AND night guy...and sometimes in between as well...so I'm pretty flexible.

We shall call you "mentally limber" concerning sex? ;)

[ISneezeFunny]

we shall call you "mentally limber" concerning sex? ;)

I'm absolutely OK with that. :D

[statictable]

18 months is the average time 2 people go nuts for the bod. Now you'll both have to move to the next level or walk away. That 1st "In Love" stage is the easiest and the next stage will separate the girls and boys from those who have their heads together. If you're a dumbbell then walk away; same for him.. Besy wishes.

[Choux]

I get a vibe that he is tired of you playing games with him... time for you guys to have a heart to heart talk, be really honest without accusations... see if there is a future for you two or not.

[StarAngels]

18 months is the average time 2 people go nuts for the bod. Now you'll both have to move to the next level or walk away. That 1st "In Love" stage is the easiest and the next stage will separate the girls and boys from those who have their heads together. If your a dumbell then walk away; same for him.. Besy wishes.

Well it has been a little bit longer than 18 months for us and I can recall even after the 18 month mark our sex was awesome.

We tell each other all the time that we are still madly in love, it just simmered down a bit and I believe that happens to all great lovers. I am most certinitely not walking away either :)

Thank you for your advice!

... I'm not a dumbbell...

[StarAngels]

I get a vibe that he is tired of you playing games with him....time for you guys to have a heart to heart talk, be really honest without accusations......see if there is a future for you two or not.

I don't understand what you me by me playing games. It should be the other way around. Getting a woman aroused is not a game in my book.

If this does keep persisting than I will have a talk. I am just starting to notice this and I don't want our future to look ugly. Thanks!