[Silverpetals]

I have a little situation here.
It first started this Friday when I was invited to a get together as well as my boyfriend (These were former students from our high school, but they are closer to me than they are to him).
Anyway, this was about the third get together/party, we were invited to and I went to all, but he was always busy or didn't feel like coming.
I felt that he should accompany me as he is my boyfriend!
Well, I let the two other times slide, but by the third, I was pretty angry.
The next day we were supposed to plan something together but I texted him saying I was busy. Then I called him to make sure he got my text, and he seemed pretty upset. So I felt bad, and rearranged so that we could do something together.
Then I started telling him that I was upset because of his no show on Friday even though he said he was genuinely busy. I started telling him how I felt about the situation and he had to go so I couldn't finish. So he said he'd call me to let me know he was on his way.
Then he called about one and a half hours later to tell me that he actually couldn't come because his mom was leaving on Monday and he didn't know about it, so he had to stay for dinner.
Once again I told him that I wasn't okay with that, because we had had a talk about him cancelling plans last minute. I told him to make sure he was free before making plans with me, and he did it again.
Anyway, I was clearly upset, and 7 minutes later he calls me. I didn't answer so he called about 9 times before sending a text saying he could actually come. I was still angry so I didn't answer, but after the 12th call I answered, and told him that he could have negotiated with his parents beforehand because we had already made plans, not because I was upset. I told him how I felt and said that I preferred we not do anything that night.
At that point he sounded very upset.

Now I feel bad. I'm not sure if I was to harsh on him or what. I did feel disrespected so I didn't want to call him today as I feel that it would show him that I would let him treat me in any way that pleased him. And I don't want that. I am very independent and like to be respected, but then again I feel bad easily.
I feel like he didn't do anything terrible, and he is always wonderful, and a great boyfriend. I just want to set it straight with him, that he can't screw with me.

Anyway, my question is: Should I call him to let him know exactly how I felt, and apologize if I hurt him in any way, and postpone for Tuesday, because I know he's free on Tuesday.
Or will that make me a doormat?

I'm going to see him tomorrow anyway, but I feel like we may need to talk.

What's your take on this?

Thanks!

[JoeCanada76]

Wow, I think that neither of you are ready to be in a relationship.

Yes, your expectations are huge. Him calling you 12 times is obsessive.

I am not sure what else to tell you.

If your seeing him tomorrow talk to him but you need to chill out. He needs to chill out.

I do not see this going anywhere comfortable.

Joe

[confused25]

The answer, believe it or not, is rather simple. Take a deep breath and relax. You both need to sit down and just talk to one another. Let him know, without sounding like you are accusing him, that it hurts you when he changes his plans at the last minute. Also, tell him that him not accompanying you to those parties also hurt because you really want to share those fun times with him.

Once you tell him how you feel listen to what he has to say. You may find out that he is just really uncomfortable at parties or that in fact he really was extremely busy. Maybe there is another problem. Just take the time to listen.

Remember that you are in a relationship so a lot of times you need to let go of your pride. You said that aside from this he is a great boyfriend, so quit thinking he is trying to screw you and just talk to him. Call him up, apologize for the fact that you lost your temper, and let him know that you really want to talk to him about the whole situation in person.

Set a date, meet up with him, and talk. Communication is the only way you can solve problems in a relationship. Simple as that.

[JBeaucaire]

I agree, you both need to chill. BF/GF titles aside, you aren't actially "acting" like committed people. Committed people do things FOR each other at an inconvenience to themselves. You shouldn't have to demand that sacrificial behavior, it is a natural byproduct of growing "selfless" love.

So, since that isn't happening between you two, I would recommend you officially back your relationship up a notch and NOT be mean about.

"I think we should continue dating, but BF/GF titles aren't really appropriate when we're both clearly so busy with other things in our lives. Let's go back a level and take the pressure off each other, I'm sure we'll both feel much better and less guilty/frustrated when we're not free."

Then do it, and don't be aloof be good dating friends. And also be open to other people.

[Morning Blaze]

I think you both need to talk however I think you will have to understand that things can happen last minute which may interfere wit arrangements. If it was your best friend mother or father you would try and understand and rearrange. I think that sometimes you miss some one so much when your not together your not thinking rationally and lash out. You need to let go of your pride and be more understanding in such situations. You have both need to discuss you feelings he doesn't seem to be intentionally trying to screw you. Ring him, apologize you lost your temper and arrange to meet up so you have the
Opportunity to Communication to each other without a barrier of a phone. If your worried about the relationship the only way to solve that is to discuss it with him be honest but try not lose your temper with him. He obviously is trying to keep everyone happy remember his happiness is important 2. He obviously cares deeply for you or he wudnt have gone to the trouble of ringing you nine times.